


Blackwatch

by SmutWithPlot



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Blackwatch Jesse McCree, Jesse's arm, M/M, established #McHanzo, the bad guys aren't actually the bad guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-29 22:22:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10863276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmutWithPlot/pseuds/SmutWithPlot
Summary: Come in Overwatch, this is Operative Reaper. Blackwatch has been compromised. Repeat, Blackwatch has been compromised. Operative Deadeye is missing in action, requesting immediate assistance. Overwatch, do you copy. //A transmission comes in to the Overwatch watchtower in Gibraltar that threatens secrets old and new, and in the midst of it all, Jesse McCree can't be found.





	1. S.O.S.

**Author's Note:**

> So... I wrote "Lost In Translation" and "Eyes" because I like my soldiers to suffer (because THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO, as Moriarty once said) and the snippets of intrigue gave me a deliciously nasty little plot bunny and, well... Enjoy.

It had been three days.

Not three days since they'd last spoken - there were times they could go a week and a half without touching base. Covert ops, things even the other operatives weren't privy to. Things even Winston didn't write reports on. Things even Lucio couldn't find by sweet-talking Athena with algorithms and back doors. No, it had been three days since he was supposed to be _back_. Not that this hadn't happened before. There was always the 'I picked up another job' contracts that he didn't want to talk about, private work running guns or wetwork or even bodyguarding, who the hell knew what he was doing. It was the stuff of nightmares and campfire stories, and none of us had the courage to ask.

Anything that could turn the usually warm and cheery Jesse McCree into a scowling bastard was the kind of thing we learned to avoid. And Hanzo... God. Hanzo lived with it. I don't know how. I don't know where he found that kind of trust. What they had was special, but just as tenuous as anything could be here at Overwatch. It plucked at my heart strings to watch Hanzo try to keep himself busy when McCree was away. To try and occupy himself with things so he wouldn't fret and worry about is cowboy. He would spend more time in the common areas, and he would avoid the shooting range unless someone else was there. He even asked me to shoot with him, which is laughable, because my shooting isn't near as good as his or McCree's...

...Until I did it one day, and I realised that he didn't really care what the score was. He just couldn't bear to practise in solitute and quiet anymore. Not when his usual sparring partner was so damned chattersome. He was heartsick. He didn't drink much, except when McCree wasn't home. And he would drink just about anything you put in front of him, as long as you sat and drank it with him.

I was on watch with Lucio when the report came in. I saw the flashing alert of an incoming transmission, and looked up to watch him switch it on. He touched a hand to his headset to listen, and I watched his face go long, his lips parting, eyes wide.

"Oi," I said, leaning forward. "Wot?"

For a moment, his mouth worked, but he couldn't say. He tapped a button and handed me the headphones. I frowned, and put them on as he hit play.

There was the static and scrambling numbers of the coding on the transmission, and a voice that put a shiver down my spine came on over the radio.

" _Come in Overwatch, this is Operative Reaper. Blackwatch has been compromised. Repeat, Blackwatch has been compromised. Operative Deadeye is missing in action, requesting immediate assistance. Overwatch, do you copy_."

We stared at each other for a long moment, as the recording started over again. I waved at him, a sharp sound in my noise. He jumped to action, and set on a response.

"Reaper, this is Overwatch. Uh... We copy?"

What the hell do you say to that?!

" _Who is this?_ "

"Tracer," I answered. "Um, Operative Tracer."

" _Damn it. Get me Soldier. Winston. Angel. Someone from the old crew._ "

"Oi! I was old crew!"

" _I mean it. You don't have clearance for this kid_."

I jammed him on mute for a minute, scowling. Gabriel Reyes... He had a lot of nerve calling here. And Blackwatch...?

"Blackwatch is supposed to be disbanded," I muttered.

"What's a Blackwatch?" Lucio asked, his intuition good enough to know it wasn't good.

"It was a covert ops division of Overwatch."

"A _more_  covert ops division of Overwatch? That sounds like overkill..."

Behind us, Morrison and Angela arrived, both looking white.

"Whatever you got, play it," Soldier ordered.

Lucio and I shared a look, and I put the message on overhead.

" _\--Black watch has been compromised. Operative Deadeye is missing in action, requesting immediate assistance--_ "

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!" Soldier cursed, kicking at the nearest trash can.

Dr. Ziegler whimpered."Oh god... Do you think he's...?"

Soldier slammed on the controls. "Reyes, it's Morrison, come in."

The message was immediate. " _I'm sorry, Jack, I lost him_."

"What do you mean you lost him? What the hell happened?"

" _He never arrived to his rendezvous. Nor his backup. We waited for radio contact, and we got nothing. Amie went to his safehouse, and it was completely trashed. Even Sombra can't get a trace on him. Even a corpse would be found._ "

Soldier slammed a fist on the desk. "DAMN IT!"

"M-maybe they jammed him," suggested Mercy. "Or h-he ditched the safe house... If you were compromised..."

" _Mira, isn't that what I said?_ " the transmission bit back. " _We've been compromised! Someone said something, and we got ousted. Since it was him, I can only assume it was someone on your side. You've jeopardized our mission. We're going to have to scatter_."

"Damn it!" Soldier turned on us. "Lucio. You don't touch another of tech until I damned well say so, do you hear me?"

He put his hands up, still ashen-faced. "You got it, boss."

And then he turned to me, eyes narrowing. "...Tracer. I need you to do something for me."

"Yes, sir. Anything."

He glanced and Lucio, and then back to me. "Go back 10 minutes and answer that call before he does. And you send it to me, and you send it to Angela, and then you delete it. And if he asks..." He looks to Lucio. "You tell him 'Geraldo'."

Lucio's face contorted in pain as he looked away.

Soldier looked to me. "You got that?"

I swallowed the bile in my throat. "Aye, sir." And I set my chrono back 10 minutes.


	2. Unstoppable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "McCree never goes MIA!" Genji insists. "He'll check in every 10 minutes if you let him! He would find another way!"  
> "I've seen him scale the Eiffel Tower for an SOS," Ana agrees. "He's unstoppable."  
> "And yet, he's gone missing," Morrison interrupted. "They can't hail him, nor can they track him. Which means he's been compromised or sabotaged."

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!"

The explosive language caught everyone by surprise. In the target range, it was not uncommon, especially if McCree was losing, but since the cowboy was away on a mission...

Hana laughed. "Did Lucio prank Morrison? Cos I think he just found it?"

I gave a small attempt at a smile. "Perhaps. It must have been a good one." I made my move, turning the surrounding pieces to white.

Hana hmphed in thought, chin resting in her palm. But she laid a piece and turned hers to black. "...You know, it seems simple, but this is really hard."

"Go is very old game. For a very good reason." I made my move, and the effects rippled.

She groaned. "...I am losing."

"You can be winning just as quickly, if you are clever enough. Either way. You always learn."

She shrugged. "I guess."

Soldier's voice came on the radio, and I lifted my eyes to the sky. "Would Genji Shimada, Hanzo Shimada and Ana Amari please report to the debriefing room. Genji, Hanzo, Ana. Debriefing room." The radio shut off. I frowned. Usually there was at least a 'thank you' at the end of that. Not that there had to be...

"This is very peculiar," I said, rising.

"Guess we'll play again later," Hana sighed. "Good luck. Whatever it is."

I give her a reassuring smile and bow, hands pressed together. "It was a pleasure."

She does the same, and I make my way to the debriefing room. Ana slips out of the crew quarters as I go and joins me. She is still buttoning her shirt.

"What's going on?" she asks.

"I do not know," I answer. "But the choices make me wonder."

She looks at me sideways. "Offense, defense, support."

"No tank," I agree. "Stealth mission."

She laughs. "With you and your brother together? That doesn't usually work."

I consider that. "You are right..." I look to her. "That is peculiar."

When we arrive, Genji is already seated. It may be impossible to tell his expression, but his posture and head movements imply he is looking for an answer the same as we. Morrison is standing there, leaning heavily on his fists, a hard line on his face. Angela is seated beside him, eyes wide and face gaunt, as if she's seen a ghost.  
Jack looks up as the door closes. "Athena. Secure the room."

My alarm rises as I look back to the doors as they lock. Even Athena bids us 'goodbye' as she shuts off, and I've never seen this happen. Jack opens a handheld, portable device that looks... very outdated. But probably old enough that Athena is not installed.

"This transmission just came in," he says.

He pushes a button and the small speaker gives a somewhat garbled sound as it decodes the message, and then

"... _Come in Overwatch, this is Operative Reaper. Blackwatch has been compromised. Repeat, Blackwatch has been compromised_..."

Genji and Ana both curse in their own tongues. I listen in horror.

"... _Operative Deadeye is missing in action, requesting immediate assistance. Overwatch, do you copy_."

My heart drops to the pit of my stomach. As if someone has taken me and thrown me off a cliff... I am still falling.

"What the hell happened?" Ana gasps.

"McCree was on a Blackwatch mission. The mission was compromised. The other operatives in his party made it to their rendezvous points without complication, but he never arrived to his post. Or his back-up. When they went to investigate his safehouse, it was trashed. He is officially MIA."

"McCree never goes MIA!" Genji insists. "He'll check in every 10 minutes if you let him! He would find another way!"

"I've seen him scale the Eiffel Tower for an SOS," Ana agrees. "He's unstoppable."

"And yet, he's gone missing," Morrison interrupted. They can't hail him, nor can they track him. Which means he's been compromised or sabotaged." He looked around at all of us, and his eyes land on me. "Hanzo. Have you heard from him?"

The entire room turns to me. I feel like I am going to be sick. I want to tell them I have, but... I shake my head. I can feel tears burning at my eye. "No." My voice is thick. I am staring at nothing. I can not think...

_He would find another way!_

_...I've seen him scale the Eiffel Tower for an SOS. He's unstoppable._

_Operative Deadeye is missing in action..._

I press a fist to my lips, and I am sure I am going to lose what little lunch I ate today.

Angela rises, touching Jack's arm. "Jack... Maybe Hanzo shouldn't go."

I look up in horror.

Morrison works his jaw, and he is looking at me with a sad eye.

"No! Please! I want to help!" I rise, arms going to the table, and I bow. "Please!" I look up at him, fear in my eyes. "Do not make me wait here, not knowing. I will go mad."

I look to my brother, but he looks away from me. I turn to Ana, and her eyes are full of pity.

I look to Morrison again, and my face contorts in rage. "You have to! If you do not, I will come anyway! You cannot stop me!"

Angela gives me a placating smile. "Hanzo, be serious."

"I AM serious!" I slam a fist, and even Jack is surprised. My brother is not, but he suddenly frets from me to them. "This is my..." My voice cracks. "Please... If I sit here and do nothing... I will go mad. Let me help. Let me be part of this. I can help. I know him... I know him so well."

The room twists, then. I can feel it. A tension. A lie on the air.

Jack has a wry smile. "Hanzo... Did you even know he was part of Blackwatch?"

 _"Whoever the hell you are, you picked the wrong fuckin' house, friend."  
_ _Jesse McCree stood in the hall, his lips pressed into a thin line. There was no recognition in those eyes. Just the cold, black dead eyes I had seen so many times...  
_ _I slowly raised my ands in supplication and surrender. "I am Hanzo Shimada. I--"  
_ _"Shimada," he cut off. His stance went from paranoid to angry, and his lips snarled. "Like_ Genji _Shimada?"  
_ _My face twisted. I remembered that Genji and he had been in Blackwatch together... "From Blackwatch."  
_ _"Like fuck from Blackwatch," he snarled. "You watch your mouth or I'll put a bullet in ya."  
_ _I felt my breathing break. "Jesse, please..."  
_ _"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"  
_ _"I am Hanzo Shimada," I said, my voice quivering. "We work together."  
_ _"I don't like your lyin'."_

The memory pained me, and bile rose in my throat. "Yes."

_"Jesse, please!"  
_ _That fist clenched high. "...No one is supposed to know about Blackwatch."  
_ _"Yes. But it disbanded. The war between Morrison and Reyes. You were there."  
_ _His eyes flickered in doubt.  
_ _"Remember. There was fallout. Overwatch was cancelled."  
_ _"Blackwatch was never disbanded," he answered, confused. "No one is supposed to know about it."_

"I... One night. It was early on, and he was confused, but..."

_I blinked. He was speaking crazy. Or was he...? My eyes widened. "Blackwatch is still on?"_

"...I mean, he went crazy when I mentioned it. I-I thought he was having... a nightmare. I mean... He had forgotten who I was. Forgotten about his arm. He was not right in the head!"

Angela and Jack shared worried experiences. She looked to me. "Was this common?"

"No," I answered. "It happened once..."

_Jesse groaned from the bedroom, finally waking... I wanted him to rest. It had been a long and tiring night. Wonderful. "What day is it?"  
_ _"It is Saturday. The 25th of January." I brought him a breakfast of strawberries and cream, smiling at him. "Breakfast and a kiss for my favourite cowboy."  
_ _...He stared at me like he didn't know who I was. "Well, hi there."  
_ _My lips parted, worried. "Jesse-san... Do you know me?"  
_ _"Of course I do," he said, his lips twitching in a smile. But his eyes narrowed, as if he was trying to remember.  
_ _I took his hands. "Please. Jesse-san. I am Hanzo. 'Han, baby'. I... I live here with you. Have for... months now."  
_ _His hands stroked mine and he gave me a small, wondering smile. "Han-baby. Yeah. That rings real nice. Can... Can I get a kiss?"  
_ _I jumped him, giving him a deep kiss, and he answered with a soft moan, hands wrapping around me, fingers exploring the silk of my kimono. When I let go, and I stared into his eyes, they were full of the warmth and love I wanted... But they were vacant.  
_ _"Bet these things are fun to get in and out of, aren't they?" He tugged at the front of my kimono, and my heart broke. "Hey. You okay?"  
_ _I stood, and turned from him. "I-I just remembered I have to do something."  
_ _"Hey, come on now, darlin', don't be that way..."  
_ _I grabbed a pair of pants and a shirt and changed in the living room. Even without undergarments. I put on my sandals and and ran before my tears could fall._

"...Maybe a couple times. I mean..." My face crumpled. "Oh no..."

I could not take it. I crumpled, shoving my hands to my eyes as the tears finally came. Genji came to my side, but Ana was there first, arm wrapped around me.

"Maybe it is not us who is compromised," Ana hissed. "What if McCree has lost it?" I clung to her... Until I heard her hiss. " _What do you know?!_ "

"What did you do to him?!" Genji insisted.

I looked up to Angela and Jack, and guilt is painted on their faces.

"Sombra," she said. "We have been... Testing something. A way to bypass his cognitive functions to enhance his motor skills. So that he could shoot with his left hand again. To get to the part of him that remembers how to do it, to make it work better with the omnics..."

"You were fucking with his brain?!" Genji cried.

Ana cursed under her breath. "You've killed him!"

"He's an alcoholic!" Genji added. "Did you put that in your computations?"

"Oh, please," said Angela. "If he was an alcoholic there would be signs. Shaking hands, mood swings, memory loss..."

_"I SAID DON' ASK ME."_ _He leaned towards me, and I had the thought of a beast, of a snake, reared up and ready to strike. I could not help but note the hand with the glass of whiskey was very close to where his guns would be..._

I wept. "My Jesse-san..."

_I scowled at him. "This is not you."  
_ _"No... This is me. Allll me. Deadeye Jesse McCree. The real story..."  
_ _"This is not the man I love," I insisted, and my voice shook. Who was this demon?  
_ _"Actually it is. This is the me I hide from you. Most people don't stick around long enough to meet him... Odds are one out of three that any time I go out of the country, I'm paid to kill somebody. Find 'em, shoot 'em, put everyone else out of their misery. Fucks with a man's head after a while. You can't have a heart that keeps breakin' all the time. It stops workin'."_

"I didn't know... I should have said..."

"Shhhhh..." Ana held me to her breast, her hands squeezing at me. "Don't blame yourself, son."

Genji took my hand, holding me tight.

_I grabbed his damned bottle and stepped forward with it, my face twisted with anger. "Why is this bottle better than me?"_ _And I realised... I remember being grateful once that he is not an angry drunk. That he is a happy drunk. And I realise he is... probably always a tiny bit drunk. Maybe it is the sober man who is angry. He is in pain, and he is lashing out like a wounded tiger._

My cowboy...

"ENOUGH!"

Jack's voice breaks through, and I am ashamed to look him in the eye. "Look. We still have to assume that there was a compromise in Blackwatch. We have to assume the worst. We have to assume that... McCree is compromised. However he's compromised." He sighed. "...Damn it. You guys are the best party for this." He rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. "I'm going to set up a rendezvous. Ana. Ready your supplies, and get a bird ready. Genji, Hanzo... Bring him home, boys."

"Hai," Genji promises, saluting. Ana salutes as well. I stand, but I do not have strength. I turn to follow them both.

"And Hanzo?"

I stop and turn to him.

His eyes carry the weight of a king who regrets a great many things. "I'm sorry about all of this."

I bow my head. "I understand."

He moves forward and puts a hand on my shoulder. "We'll get him. And we'll fix this."

I nod. "Hai."

"Go on. Pack."

They might think I am too far away, but after I am out of sight, I hear Angela when she asks him, "Do you think he's gone off the reservation?"

I stop at the edge of the hall to listen.

"I don't know. Maybe we can get him. Save him from himself. Maybe Hanzo can bring him back. But if not..."

"You really think they could terminate if they had to?"

My heart clenches, and I put a hand to my mouth as bile rises in my throat.

"Maybe they wouldn't... But I'm sure Gabriel would."

I try to swallow it down as I hurry, quiet as I can be, to my room.


	3. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...Genji-kun. I..." I look at him, and he is pointedly looking away from me. "...I don't want to ask, but..."  
> "There's too much to tell you all of it." He turns his head to me. "Years."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bwahaha... My own fridge horror rendition of Jesse's arm. And maybe a little more on why that split happened as bad as it did.

It is quiet in the chopper. Ana is piloting, her face a grim line. My brother, beside me, has his arms crossed, and I am not sure if he is trying to meditate or scowling into his armour. I am clinging to my Storm Bow, the polished wood holding my hand and trying to comfort me with its presence as the chopper stumbles through turbulence. I cannot focus. I can not calm. I can not meditate. My head is swirling with memories.

_"Know this..." He slips his fingers through my hair, and I look to him, those eyes so full of love and adoration it breaks my heart... "If I have you... You're mine. And I'm yours." He shook his head. "Ain't no one else. I promise."_

I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it does not go away. I look out into the sky, but I do not know where we are going, so I have no way to know if we are close or not. I look to my brother, and I have no way of knowing if he is open to me or not. I look to Ana, and she is busy, I do not wish to disturb our pilot...

Instead, I just grip my bow, and I sigh. And I pray. I pray to whoever will listen to keep my cowboy safe. Pray that he isn't already...

I swallow hard. I pray that he remembers who I am when we get there, or it will break me even more.

I hear a strange, metallic sound. I look to Genji, and he lifts a hand to his helmet. Ana turns her head towards us.

"...I've got a transmission coming in." He echoes back a string of numbers, and Ana plugs it in. I lean forward, clutching my bow, looking back and forth between the two of them.

"I've got it." Ana pulls on the controls, and we swing about. I sit up in my seat, anticipation and worry warring for dominance. We descend into a mountain pass, and she weaves through the pass for what seems like an eternity before we break through, and then she finds a field waiting for them to land.

Three figures come from the surrounding trees towards us. One, I recognise - Sombra. Her purple tech is attached to one ear, as she taps orders.

"We get out here," Genji says. "Someone else will take our bird to friendly territory where someone else can collect it."

Ana scowls, but she unfastens herself. "I don't like this."

I unfasten my own belt, as they come to us. One man offers his arms to help Ana down, and then me, and Genji. I turn to watch Sombra climb on with the third, and there is a zap of electrical energy. She hops back out, and yells to the man inside. They gesture towards the wood, and we all run that way as the chopper takes off.

We are nearly to the wood cover when guns step out. A good thirty men have us surrounded. I fight the temptation to reach for my arrows, knowing not even I could take down enough to make a difference.

Ana holds her hands up, as does Genji. I do the same, holding up my bow.

Then Reaper steps from the woods, garbed in black, his death mask just as terrifying in person as it is in surveillance.

"Search them," he orders, his voice raspy. Our 'assistants' check us, Sombra taking Ana, and they pat me us down. Mine even worms his hands into my kimono, and finds a couple knives, but puts them back.

"No wires," says mine.

The one with Genji looks confused, and my brother isn't helping him. Sombra gives him a zap with what looks like a tazer, and he drops.

I protest, only for barrels to lock into action, and Ana calls out to them.

"Reyes, please! That's his brother."

Reaper holds out a hand, and the guns click again. With a whine, Genji's system reboots, and he groans.

"He's clean," Sombra says with a self-satisfied smirk. She twirls the tazer in her finger and pockets it.

...I recognise the gesture. That's Doc Holliday from Tombstone.

She catches me staring. "What?"

The other guard helps my brother up, and Reaper steps forward.

"We have to be careful," he says. "You understand." He looks me up and down. "...I thought I made it clear this was to be as tight a mission as we could get it." He looks to Ana. "Since when does that mean new faces? Brother or not?"

"He's not--" my brother starts.

"I am here for Jesse McCree," I say. They all look to me. "Do not try to send me back. I will only return. Like a bad penny. I do not rest until we find him."

Reaper considers me, his head tilting a bit. "...He piss you off?"

"Worse," my brother says, laughing. "You know Jesse. He swings both ways, but boy does he like to get stuck."

There is a beat before he turns back to me, and looks me up and down.

"...Pretty but dangerous. No, you look like his type."

This time I pull my arrow. It's fast enough that I could have got my shot before his men did, and that pleases me.

"I did not mean to offend," he rasps. "You must understand - we have worked with Jesse for a very long time. Me especially. I'm the one that recruited him."

"I know who you are," I answer. "You are Gabriel Reyes."

"Were, but..."

"--I know who you are, because he told me. And the things he told me do not give me motivation to trust you."

_He laughs. "...Your safe word is Godzilla. I think I can remember that."_  
_"Yes. Is very silly. And hard to forget. And you?"_  
_I see a flash of pain and old heartache in his eyes. "Gabriel. Ruins me every time."_  
_I remember a Gabriel Reyes in his file. "...I think I can remember."_  
_His eyes twist in apprehension, probably wondering how much I know... and I know that I can't know all of it, but whatever isn't in the file, it can't be good._

Reaper is quiet for a long time. Even Sombra watches him with concern.

"...I think that's fair." He turns to Ana. "We've made lodgings for you. Amelie is on recon, she'll be back tonight and debrief us."

Ana nods, looking to me and Genji, and we follow her. Sombra and Reaper follow behind us. They speak softly, and in Spanish, but I can make out some of it.

" _No comprendo. Quien es este?_ "

" _El hermano del ninja. Y... tambien, el novio del vaquero_."

" _Novio? Que?_ "

He chuckles gently. "Don't ask me to explain, _mija. No se_."

I smirk a small smile. Ana looks at me over her shoulder, and smirks as well.

I don't think Genji knows that Jesse has been teaching me Spanish, so I don't say anything.

xxx

We're given officer's quarters. Ana got her own, and Genji and I share.

"Bunkin' like old times," he says, but there's no mirth to his voice.

I drop my bag onto the bottom bunk. "...Genji-kun. I..." I look at him, and he is pointedly looking away from me. "...I don't want to ask, but..."

"There's too much to tell you all of it." He turns his head to me. "Years. He's saved my life... countless times. And I've saved him, too."

I wait. My brother looks away again.

"...I was there when he lost his arm, for one. He was... catatonic. For weeks." He sighs. "He was left-handed, you know."

As if I could feel worse... I dropped into the bunk. "...That poor man."

_"What the hell...?"_  
_"McCree-san," I called to him. "Please. Put down the gun!"_  
_It dropped from his fingers, and he turned his arm. "What the hell happened to me...?"_

"It was during the Omnic Wars. We were stealing intelligence, and got pinched. We were in the middle of a damn firefight, and he was shooting left and right..."

_"Ana, get the fuck out of here!"_  
_"Don't you go cowboy on me, McCree!" she shouted. "We get out of here together!"_  
_"I got the package!"_  
_"McCree, let's go!"_

"...When I heard him scream, I thought he'd been shot. Ana went back for him, and there was so much blood..."

I swallowed hard.

"...She had to get a tank to grab him. We almost lost him... He was in shock by the time we got back to base, and Angela didn't know what to do..."

_"Is he going to make it?!" Ana shouted._  
_Tears were down her face. "Ana, please..."_  
_"Angela, please, just tell me!"_  
_"I... I don't know..."_

"...Even when he stabilized, he was in a coma for two months."

 _"How long are we going to keep him on these damned things?"_  
_"I don't know, Jack."_  
_"I'm just saying, realistically--"_  
_"Fuck you and your 'realistically'!_ Realistically, _I should be dead already. And so should the rest of us, a dozen times over, because of that man, so I'm going to keep him on that 'damned thing' until he fucking wakes up."_

"Even when he woke up... He was a broken man."

_"Hey, Jesse... Got some lunch for you."_  
_Angela watched his arm move, and... And he stopped, his eyes shutting down._  
_She bit her lip. "You want me to help?" She scooped up a spoon of macaroni and cheese to him, but his face turned away._

"...By that time, people were getting crafty with repurposing omnics. So... Jack made the suggestion, and a few of the engineers finangled something."

_"I mean, it's just a prototype but..."_  
_He worked the mechanism, and the hand opened and closed. He blinked at it. Open... close. Open... close. He worked his jaw and looked up at her. "...What is this, some sick kind of joke?"_

"I mean, he wasn't happy... But it was something."

_No one at breakfast said anything as he struggled with his right hand. It wavered, awkward, and he kept spilling cereal on himself. Finally, there was a bang as he gave up. The others looked up as he stood and stormed out, muttering about not being 'hungry anyway'._

"They kept making better prototypes, and they'd keep him going through physical therapy. They let him stay in Gibraltar, because we all knew, going out in the civilian world with a war injury like that, crippled, living off of a military retirement... Even with his service. He'd probably be dead." Genji touched his shuriken and sighed. "It was a long time until he could hold a gun again. And once they did... He lived in the range. It was all he did. Until... We had to get him working again. Jack refused, said he wasn't ready, but Gabriel insisted..."

_"Jack, you can't keep him locked up in here like a bird with a broken wing. He needs to fly. You're killing him."_  
_"Damn it, Gabriel, I know! But he's not ready!"_

"...So Gabriel went behind his back and put him on anyway in Blackwatch."

_"Hey, Boss... We got some heavy action goin' on over here."_  
_"McCree?!" Jack turned to Gabriel, whose eyes went wide._  
_"...Uh, yeah?"_  
_"Who put you back on duty?"_  
_"R-...eyes. I was told we had yer approval, sir."_  
_"Radio silence, McCree. You are -not- supposed to be here."_  
_Jack turned off the radio. "Are you nuts?! We're not supposed to have agents on the ground here! There's a mandate!"_  
_Reyes shrugged. "Maybe he's just... here on vacation."_  
_"Jesus, Gabriel, you're going to get us all killed!"_

"Then the London riots happened, and everything went South... And McCree ended up on the streets anyway."

_"...And then I come home and bring this shit to you," he said in a broken, wavering voice. "I wanna give us a good life, and that means doin' the work, but it rips me up inside..."_  
_"It needs to not happen again. Next time you come home, I will be waiting. And if you need to drink and talk, we will drink and talk. You must not bottle this up, Jesse. You must forgive yourself, or that guy upstairs will have nothing good to say to you."_

"...I understand." And I really do. I know what is like to wander the earth without home, without shelter, not knowing where your next meal will come, taking what work will come.

_"Please, baby. I need to know that we're okay," he whispers, desperate hands clutching mine._

To not have anyone you can depend on. No one to trust. No one to love.

My brother looks to me. Even through his mask, I can feel his pity. "But I will tell you. I've seen Jesse in and out of love, but... I don't think he's ever had anything like what he has with you before."

I look up to him. "No, I do not think so either."

He takes my hand. "We'll find him, Oniisan. I promise you that."


	4. Intelligence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you questioning my tactics?" Reaper asked, a warning to his voice.  
> "No," I answered. "I am questioning his." I look to Widowmaker. "Spiders only wait on their webs for a kill. They do not spin for nothing."  
> There was quiet.  
> "...You think he was working two jobs at once?" Ana asked, her voice soft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spatterings of foreign language, because it's useful to know at least a little bit of everything. MAKES YOU SOUND EDUCATED AND CULTURED AND STUFF. But there's a couple FUCKs in there to balance it out so you don't think I'm too full of myself yet.
> 
> There's also a Akiko_Natsuko reference in here to anyone who's read her AMAZING "Soundless, Wordless" and other wonderful things. Also, NOOODLE DRAGONS. Enough said.
> 
> ...And be nice with my Ana. I'm trying to add flavor, and Arabic is not one of my strong suits.

" _This place is a viper's nest_."

There had been a little noise earlier when Widowmaker had returned to base, although we were never officially told that. Our 'accomodations' were close enough that Ana came to wait with us, and it was clear she was not pleased.

"Full disclosure," said Genji. "I... I haven't been on a Blackwatch mission with McCree since..." He thought about it. "Before last fall."

"With this direction? Not at all. I've only had a couple missions at all, and I was the safehouse guard." She snorted. "Gabriel does not think _abuelita_  should be out in the field anymore. Makes me want to bend him over my knee and beat him red."

I swallowed hard. "Then... You both knew. About Reaper. And Blackwatch. And..." _My Jesse was one of them_.

They shared a look. Ana sat down with me. "I... only knew what they told me. Morrison called me for a special mission. Like he does. And when I got there..." She shrugged, a tiny little thing. "My CO was Reyes. I... I thought I was being set up, but... He sat me down. Gave me the brief, and the contract, and... And I did the job. When I was done, they made sure I came back safe. Morrison asked me a couple questions, and told me I wasn't to tell any one."

"He only ever called those of us who were already vetted Blackwatch. To be fair... I'm surprised Jack let you come, Oniisan. Except that..."

I nodded. "I understand."

Ana put an arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder, looking to me. "I know you are worried sick. I know I am."

I took a deep breath... and it wavered. "I am always worried sick when he leaves me. Even when I am with him, I am always looking over my shoulder to make sure his fool head is still there. Ridiculous hat and noisy ass spurs and all."

She giggled, and Genji looked away.

"...To be fair. His hats get more ridiculous." He grabbed a chair and straddled it backwards. "Heck, I remember one time we were in Mexico in time for Dia De Los Muertos..."

"Oh, the black sombrero," Ana whispers. She looks to me. "He found a black straw sombrero in one of the hat stalls, and in between the black, they had stripes of candy colors, pink and yellow and green and blue and purple..."

"It had little beads fringed around the edge that jingled when he walked..."

"Hehehehe! Oh, the look on Reyes' face..." Ana waved a finger. "'McCree, you stupid gringo, there is no way in hell you're taking that over the border. You give it back to whoever you bought it from, and no more tequila for you'."

"I think he said he was in a bet with Reinhardt to get it home."

"He told me later that he bought it with a kiss from the senorita who was selling them... Said she had been having a bad night, and not sold a thing. The whole shop was full of ugly hats, but he had to help her out. And then, she refused his money, he was so sweet."

I smiled. "That sounds like him."

"'Anita,' he told me, 'they were so _ugly_... I wanted to ask if her name was Betty.'" She laughed. "Betty la fea - Ugly Betty. Oh, I hadn't laughed so hard..."

"Whatever happened to that hat?" Genji asked.

"Oh, I have no idea. It probably got left behind at the safehouse when we left, or something." She rested her head against me again, and I touched mine to hers.

It got quiet for a long moment... And in the silence, terrible thoughts came to me.

"What if he's already gone?" I whispered, my voice thick.

Ana squeezed me, pressing a kiss to my dragon tattoo. "Don't worry, ibn. We will find him. He is resourceful, and stubborn, and incredibly hard to kill." She whispered, "We have all tried."

Genji laughed. "It is true. We all try."

"So worry not. He is a tough man. He comes from the Allah-forsaken desert. Just like me. Us sand people are hardy."

...I understood now why Jesse loves this woman so much. I make a note to spend more time with her. She feels like what a grandmother ought to have felt like.

xxx

We are eventually called for dinner. It's a simple meal of potatoes and a poultry that is too gamey to be chicken, and as we eat, the rest of the room is cleared away until it is only us and the rest of the Blackwatch.

Widowmaker looks like the kind of woman who does not like being told what to do. I know she is a gifted sniper, and I can easily see her perched in some tiny nest high up above a city raining death to those below. Even now, her eyes are full of venom as she directs them to me.

"Alright, folks. We're going to go ahead and get this started. Sombra?"

"Yeah, sure." I see a flash of a video game being shut down before she opens another program. She turns on a small projector on the table, and it projects a blank screen on the wall. I am admittedly impressed by her tech - such handy little tools would keep their operation incredibly mobile. It's no wonder we can never catch them.

...If we are ever meant to. The thought makes me shiver as she clicks a button. My eyes are immediately locked on the enlarged image of my own lover, garbed in black, gleaming metal hand and ridiculous hat the only thing that I recognise on his person. Even the gun in his hands is not the Peacekeeper I know him to love.

"The operation was recon. Intelligence gathering on a potential target."

The camera shifted again. This time, a large parade with big black American and English luxury cars with flags on the edges - political persons, then. The crowd is a mess of color and people, and yet I hunt for him.

"There!" says Ana.

Genji sighs. "I hate playing 'find the sniper'."

"He is in the tree," I say. I turn to my brother. "High up. Bullet should fall, not climb. He is on the side of the tree that they are headed, so they do not see him as they come. But he has a good view of the back of their heads as they go by."

"Hey, new guy is pretty good," Sombra says. She clicks another button and the image zooms in on the spot. Even now, he is wearing camo that makes him hard to see, and his hat is on a branch nearby, but he is perched with sniper rifle and another device beside with a disc...

"Are you going to shoot them or listen to them?" I protest. "What if he was seen?"

"Then we shoot them," Reaper replies evenly. "Rule #1 of private contracting: Never trust your client. We always double check before we follow through. Just in case."

The screen clicks, but it is the first picture again...

I take a moment to study the lines of his face, his eyes cold and hard, the tightness to his jaw... He almost feels like a different person. A different person I've met a couple times, and he isn't pleasant.

"Alright, Sombra. Enough."

She shuts it off.

"...Last we saw him, we were doing recon. Sombra sat at the cafe across the way and the intel was uploaded to our private servers. He was to stay in the tree until the crowd cleared, then meet up at a designated rendezvous point. He never showed up."

"What was the intel?" Ana asks.

There's a moment of hesitation. "That's classified," Reaper answers.

"Oh, we just have to save him from we don't know who for we don't know why because it's classified. Just like the whole mess," growls Genji.

"I don't make a habit of giving up my clients' information, Shimada. As you well know."

"Excuse me," I say softly. They look to me. "You said... until the crowd cleared. He wasn't meant to be seen."

"We don't make a habit of being seen as a general rule," Widowmaker purred.

"And yet, Sombra sits at the cafe and collects data from him, that he could have handed her." Ana peers at me, trying to figure out where I am headed with this. "I have seen his sniper rifle set up. It is very discreet. And yet, he was perched there for...hours. Before the parade. And after. For intel? That doesn't sound reasonable."

"Are you questioning my tactics?" Reaper asked, a warning to his voice.

"No," I answered. "I am questioning his." I look to Widowmaker. "Spiders only wait on their webs for a kill. They do not spin for nothing."

There was quiet.

"...You think he was working two jobs at once?" Ana asked, her voice soft.

"I am just... supposing. He will often tell me. He will be home late. As much as three days before he was due home, that he has another job. It is never on the way home. If he gives me that notice... Then he was in talks for the job before that. That means he was likely doubling down, to use a gambling metaphor."

"Working both sides of the game," Reaper mused. "No... That sounds like him."

"He always was a dirty cheat," Ana agreed, but there was worry in her voice.

"To be fair, there are at least three better vantage points on that route with less chance for collateral damage than that one," added Widowmaker. "And two more if you didn't care, but wanted a clean shot. Yet he recommended this zone himself."

"Yeah. Even sold me hiding in plain sight if anything went wrong," added Sombra.

"Sombra, put it back up."

She clicks around to bring up the big shot.

"No, no," said Widowmaker. "Do another one. Ah... During the parade. I know you did the full circuit. Try to find his vantage point."

"Uh... Hold on." She looked to Reaper sideways and disconnected the screen to black. She scrolled with her thumb at the tiny pictures...

Reaper sighed, a hand to his temple. "If I find out that double-dipping _pendejo_  was behind that fiasco in Moscow last Christmas..."

My eyes flit around to them all. Widowmaker snarled, and even Genji shook his head.

"...He always seems like such a goofball. Until he's working. I can't believe he'd be playing us the whole time."

Ana looks like she's going to cry. "...He always likes to run off when we're on location. Get caught enough times with a naked boy, no one wants to ask twice."

"That's assuming they were trysts," Reaper agreed. "Damn. They could've been operatives, intel, contacts. And we never thought twice."

"He flirts with _everyone!_ " added Widowmaker, rolling her eyes. "I'm French, and I get sick of him!"

Sombra snorts at that, and I hide a small smile myself.

_Baby, please... I flirt with lots of people. I'm charming. And warm. And people like that. But... I go home with you, alright? Remember that._

I know I should be jealous, hearing all this, but... I've heard it before. And I've also seen him in pain, desperate and heartbroken, whenever he upset me.

_I don' think there's enough whiskey in the world to drown in, and I'll just follow you around like a lovesick puppy until you take me back..._

I know they are watching me, and when I look to Genji, he is reaching out to me. I take his hand

"[Are you okay?]" he asks me gently.

"Hai. [I'm fine.]"

"[This topic...]" He tilts his head to one side. "[You're not jealous?]"

"[I have been with that man for long enough to have seen him break more than once. A man does not beg you to stay with him when he has other places to hang his hat.]"

They are staring now. And I look up at them.

"Well?" said Reaper. "Care to share with the rest of the class?"

"We are talking about the casual, sexual exploits of my brother's partner," Genji bites out. "I am being a brother."

"It is fine," I say, waving. "As I told him... I have been with Jesse McCree long enough to see him break more than once."

_"I'm so sorry..." he cried. "I didn't want you to see me like this..."_   
_"Remember! I am not just your 'little wife'. I am assassin as well. I know the darkness in your soul, because I see it in my eyes also." I tap a finger to my eye. "It is my 'unfair advantage'. And it is why we have made it as far as we have. Others have left you when they see the ugliness in you, but they dishonor you. I will not dishonor you. But if you scare me, I will shoot you! But I will not kill you. Just give you some pain until you learn your lesson."_   
_And he laughs, a desperate, broken thing, tears in his eyes. "Hanzo... What the fuck would I do without you?"_

"...If anything, I am amused he tricked all of you for so long that he was just some skirt-chasing drunk. He is probably stone cold sober right now, working, making a shit ton of money to take home to me, while you are all chasing your tails trying to figure out what he is up to."

It probably is not right for me to sound so smug. But I see Ana hide a smile behind her lips.

"Sombra..." Reaper growls his vengeance at her instead.

" _Lo estoy haciendo!_ " she insists. "Aha!" She connects the projector with a little chirp.

It's another picture of the parade, and yes, there are lots of heads to choose from. A riot of color from the parade-goers. There's a clear shot of the road for a good mile and a half, and a full view of the outdoor veranda of the cafe.

"Alright, McCree..." Sombra mutters.

"Someone coming up the street?" Widowmaker suggests.

"No, that would be their approach. But he would have both sides of the street if they decide to be tricky..."

"The cafe," says Reaper. "...Sombra. Did you collect that intel equipment?"

"No," she said, in a thoughtful tone. "No, I did not." She looked to Reaper. "Do you think he was bugging someone else?"

"...I need to know who was at that cafe."

"Well... I do see cameras," she said. "I can go hack it, come back with what I get."

"You better home they have that info on the servers."

"Ah, there's always partial information. And less than a week, I can always pull it out of the garbage." I gave her an odd look. And she looked back. "Digital garbage. Pfft! I am way too expensive by hour to be digging in the actual garbage."

Reaper chuckles. "Alright, that's one lead. Widowmaker, what you got for us?"

" _Merci_ , 2385."

"You got it."

Sombra tapped around on her phone and pulled up another batch of pictures. My heart sunk as I realised these were the charred black remains of a (hotel?) room that had undergone a bombing or razing or...

Ana whispered a prayer. "Oh no."

"This... was his safehouse," Reaper explained. "Sombra."

Even she looked ill as she clicked the button. This time it was an entire building, 12 stories high, the entire side of it covered in black.

"Whoever did this... Managed to keep it pretty quiet. It wasn't on the news or the radio, despite the fact that an entire fucking building went up."

" _Oui_ , but look. The neighboring buildings are not touched. And although the whole place was torched, it looks... controlled."

"They did not know what room he was in..." I murmured. My family used to do something similar. Why smoke out a fox when you could just set the field ablaze? You can just replant for next year, and the farmers gain a healthy respect for their masters.

"He was tailed?" suggested Sombra.

"Or he had a meeting in the lobby of the same hotel he was staying at." Reaper sighed. "Don't shit where you eat. Idiot."

"Maybe he is shitting somewhere else," I suggested. "The hotel was compromised, and he got out."

"Which means he could be anywhere right now," growled Reaper. "I really don't want to play 'chase the aliases'."

I looked to Sombra. "Sombra. Are there cameras there you can also... dig in trash for?"

She gave me a sly smile. "Of course there are." She looked to Reaper. "I just find the footage for the day of the fire, see if I can track him."

"...And if we find any faces on both sets besides McCree..."

"...We have our second client. Good work guys. Amie, you and Sombra hit up the hotel first - it's entirely likely they've been paid for silence. Unsilence them."

"With pleasure," Widowmaker purred.

"Ana. I want you and Genji to hit the cafe. Open and quiet."

She stood, but looked to me. "Sir... I request if Hanzo comes with us. On my end."

"No way. I don't send out untested rubes." He stood, and in truth, he looked like death itself.

"Sir, please. I'll have him with me. I'll watch him. He's wicked fast and quiet. In case Genji can't get in, maybe we can go inside-out."

"Ana. This isn't for debate--"

"Please, sir." I but in, bowing low. "I... I need to be useful. I want to be helpful. Let me help, sir. It is why I came."

He growled softly. "Look, kid..."

"I am not a child," I insisted, and I know my anger was getting a rise on me. "If you know Genji Shimada, then you will know that someone put him in that metal casing, and it was me. I am not to be trifled with."

Ana looked at me in alarm, as did Genji. Reaper eyed me... Not that I could see his eyes, but I could feel them.

"Oniisan--"

I held out a hand to him, and kept my eye on Reaper. "Let me go, or I will follow behind anyway. You are welcome to try and stop me."

"Oniisan, don't be stupid--!!"

"GENJI."

He stopped, his head jerking to Reaper. I watched the skull slowly move from him back to me.

"...Fine. If you insist. BUT." He raised a gloved finger. "You follow her orders. And if I call you back, /you come back/. _Comprende?_ "

" _Si_ ," I answered.

I saw Ana hide another giggle, and even Genji tilted his head at me.

"...Really, Oniisan?"

I looked to him. "Jesse is from New Mexico. You think 'jalapeno chimichanga grande' is the only Spanish knows? Hmm?"

Reaper laughed, a raspy and unpleasant thing. "I'm still remembering that time Jesse tried teaching /you/ Spanish."

"I am so sorry! He told me it meant 'good morning'!"

"That's because you're an idiot and you trusted him." Reaper cocked his head at me. "Did you catch that conversation earlier, with Sombra?"

"I'm guessing 'novio' means..."

"Boyfriend, yeah. Heh. You're pretty slick." He looked to Ana. "Alright. I don't feel so bad about this now. But you guys should hurry before that cafe closes for the night."

"Thank you, sir." Ana led the way. "Come on, boys!"

"This sounds like the start to a crappy anime," Genji groaned.

I laughed, following. But when I looked back, Reaper was still watching me. I stopped, and turned to bow to him, hands clasped.

To my surprise, he echoed the sentiment, and at a properly shallow height.

 _Strange man_ , I thought, as I caught up with my brother. _I can see why Jesse liked him so much._


	5. Language

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the time we reach town, the stars are twinkling at us. They feel like oni, watching me. Anxious to not upset me further. Wanting to guard those on their land from the beasts that threaten the land. They cannot know who is chasing me, or... or who I am chasing. //Team Home Base hit a cafe for intel, multi-lingual shenanigans ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning: Some racist and offensive language to ensue. Because truthfully, the first words you tend to learn in a new language are the wrong ones. 
> 
> The song listed in here is "Holy Water" by Big & Rich. Yes, I have a #McHanzo playlist (I'm on Spotify! @SmutWithPlot) and it's one of the best songs on there. But I say that about a lot of them. It's a very sad song.

"...So. You want to tell me what you didn't tell them?"

Ana turns on me, and I can tell why Pharah is so well-behaved... Those eyes are terrifying.

I look to Genji, and then to her. "I recognise the concept, because it is something my family used to do. It is a show of power. It was not in the news because they did not call for help. Because whoever owns the hotel was paid off."

"That's a lot of paying," Genji warned.

"Yes. It is entirely possible McCree took the meeting there knowing they owned it. Could even have been his contact zone. I would be tempted to ask Rea- Reyes if McCree suggested the safehouse, too."

They both chewed on that.

"...Holy crap, Oniisan," he snarked. "Your man is a tactical genius."

"I'll make sure he knows you said that."

"After we find him," Ana agrees. "And I punch him."

"After me first. But the thing is... If he was doing dealings with someone that big, then - as Reyes said - he would know better than to stick around. He will have a backup place. And since he has dealt with big power players in the past like that..."

"'Best place to hide from a king is with his wife, with his son or with his brother'," Genji answered.

Ana raised a brow. "Do what?"

"Either right under his nose where he wouldn't look, with someone he trusts where he wouldn't look, or with a competitor where he wouldn't dare look."

"Ahhh..." She smiled. "Because if you hide with the peasants, he burns everything down."

"Exactly. So what we need to know is who owns that hotel, and what they own, and who else are the big players in town. McCree will have staked the place out ahead of time. Researching his client."

"He's either really stupid or really smart," added Genji. "Either way, I am impressed. That he is _alive_."

"I just want him to be smart enough," I say. It does not have the power behind it I would want.

xxx

Ana and I change into clothes that is less suspicious, but for Genji there is not much to be done. Dark denim and a shirt of starry night blue that is soft to the touch - it is one of his favourites. Part of me hopes it will bring him back to me. Ana wears olive green cargo and a gossamer sheer blouse that glitters like the desert sun over sand dunes... I wonder if she is hoping the same. They give us a nondescript car, and I know the plates strapped to the back will go to nothing. We can not be caught even speeding in it. I do not offer to drive, choosing instead to sit in the back. Ana, too, does not volunteer. Genji shrugs into a ridiculous looking gym outfit that hides only the most obvious. His grip is sure on the wheel, and he does not look to either of us as he follows the directions we are given.

I do not see the forest as it flies past us, a blur of green and brown and blue. I do not see if there are stars twinkling in the sky. But a mournful song comes into my head, and with it a memory of him, tender and encouraging, hot and slick and solid, grounding me after a mission that had almost gone wrong...

_"I have you, darlin'..." he whispers, the music a blanket of privacy for what he is doing to me, pressing me past the pain to that bliss and union... And the voice calls out to me._   
_...Everything would shine wherever she would go, but lookin' at her now you'd never tell..._   
_Someone ran away with her innocence_   
_A memory she can't get out of her head_   
_And I can only imagine what she's feelin' when she's prayin'_   
_Kneelin' at the edge of her bed..._

I do not realise I am singing, whispering under my breath, " _And she says, take me away. And take me farther... Surround me now. And hold. Hold. Hold me. Like holy water..._ "

I do not remember all the words, but I remember feeling how true it was, and even parts of it still comes unbidden from time to time.

_She just needs a little help to wash away the pain... She wants to feel the healin' hands of someone who understands..._

I break again, face crumpling, and I sob quietly. I do not see Ana or Genji watch me. Because neither of them say anything to me.

Please do not be dead, I pray to nothing and no one. Please do not be dead... If you die, I will die, too. Please do not be dead...

xxx

By the time we reach town, the stars are twinkling at us. They feel like oni, watching me. Anxious to not upset me further. Wanting to guard those on their land from the beasts that threaten the land. They cannot know who is chasing me, or... or who I am chasing. Ana passes me back a box of tissues, and I see the stains of tears on her face as well.

"We will find him, ibn," she tells me. "Don't you worry."

I say nothing as I clean myself up. My brother taps his fingers on the wheel impatiently. When I look up in the mirror, I imagine he is looking at me.

"[It is queer for me to see you cry, brother]," he says. His voice is thick, and troubled.

"[I do not make a habit of it]," I answer. "[My heart is sick.]"

"[I know it is]," he says, softer. "[It makes me want to nail him to a wall and rip his heart out for hurting you this way. But I imagine that would make you cry more.]"

I give a soft sound that wants to be a laugh. "[If you find him first and kill him, I will have to kill you next.]"

I want him to know I am joking, but there must be steel in my eyes as I say it, because he turns away. "[For you I will not. We will find someone else to punish.]"

Ana watches him climb out of the car and disappear into the woods. I take a calming posture... And I breathe.

It is the only thing that keeps me from being a blubbering panicked mess anymore. I worry for when it won't work anymore.

"What did he say?" she asks, concerned.

"That watching me cry makes him want to find the cowboy and gut him," I answer with a sad smile. "But he is sure that would only upset me more."

She gives a sound that also tries to be a laugh. "Me as well."

"Mm. So he says he will have to find someone else."

"I am sure we can find someone," she assures me, and there is a wicked twist to her lips. She nods. "Come. Before they close."

I step out of the car, and the summer wind is warm, rattling at my jacket. We walk side by side. I do not have my bow, but I do carry my throwing knives. They also gave us guns, and it is a heavy weight at the small of my back. I do not care for guns. They have such unfeeling power. I had enough of them in my youth. My cowboy wields a weapon that requires skill and accuracy. These pieces just intend to do damage. I know there is not truly a difference, but I do not wish to focus on it.

There is a light bell. As we step in, we take different stances, me dragging my feet, and she looking tired but pleased.

"[So tired...]" I whine. "Coffee, Okasan... Coffee..."

She laughs. She sweeps the cafe, and there is only one other man here. He looks maybe younger than me, wearing a business suit, and he is drinking coffee and reading the paper. Ana goes to the front counter. I watch the other man. He looks at me discreetly from the corner of his eye. I smile and wave. "Ohaio!"

He stops reading and turns his eye to me, mouth a thin line. His eyes narrow."

"[Do you speak Chinese?]" I ask him. I do not know why.

He does not know what to do.

"Oh, das okay," I say, in broken English. "Hallo! You have a beautiful country." I give him a nod.

He looks at me like I have lost my head. And I laugh.

"Mother and I are on a road trip," I tell him, nodding. I hear her speaking in French, and grin devilishly. "We hope to be in Paris by next week." I look about as if about to share a secret. "I have a French girlfriend. Her name is Amelie. Like the movie!" I give him a thumbs up.

His expression does not change.

" _Merci beaucoup_ ," Ana says. I look up at her with a look of surprise as she returns with two coffees. " _Mon fils_ , they speak French here."

"Oh, _oui oui!_ " I say, grinning. "Is good I learn, yes?"

"Very useful language," she answers with a nod. Under her breath, she adds, "...He is a guard."

"I noticed," I whisper back, sniffing my drink. She actually got me tea, and I look up at her with grateful eyes.

"So! How do you say frog in French?" she asked me in a conversational tone.

"Ohhh... That is not very nice," I chide her with a wagging finger, and she laughs.

"Okay... mouse?"

"There are lots of mice and rats in Paris. Catacombs full of them! Maybe not the best, either."

She leans towards me with the stare of a mother. "The phrase you want is, ' _je ne sais pais_ ', I think."

" _Non_ , that is 'I don't know what'." I sip my tea again, and she giggles.

"Your girl did not teach you so much French, then."

"Just enough to impress her mother, really," I say, hands warming around the cup. "I can say 'pass the butter' and 'more wine, please'!"

She laughs, and her eye goes to the guard, who looks incredibly annoyed.

I switch to French. "[I do not think he understands French]," I say in a tone that suggests I am insisting I know what I am saying.

The man behind the counter laughs at me.

"[No, but _he_  does]," Ana answers me. [I tried Italian first, but he suggested French and gave the watchman an eye. He says he remembers the cowboy. Came in for coffee in the morning, sat outside for a good while. When the guard change came, they confronted him, and he spoke with them too quiet to hear, but once that conversation happened, he grabbed another cup of coffee and disappeared. He came back after the parade, and one of the bosses spoke with him, and they had a...disagreement.]"

I tensed. "[Disagreement?] But I've worked on it so hard. I've been watching _Ratatouille_  and _Chocolat_..."

"I know, baby," she answered, putting a hand over mine. I took it and squeezed. "[He left in a car with them and didn't come back.]"

"[That does not sound good]," I sighed.

She touched her headset to ping Genji. "How about it? You ready to head out of here?"

" _Just about. Give me another five minutes_."

"Hai! Sooner we leave, sooner we get there!"

"Do you want another coffee for the road?"

" _I would love a cup of coffee. Hanzo can keep his leaf water_."

I nodded. "Yes! It is good for you."

"I will get you one," Ana answered, sipping her own. She went to the counter to order another.

I turned my eyes to the guard, smiling. He spotted me out of the corner of his eye, and his eyes narrowed. He didn't seem to like hearing us chatter on about lovesick boys who can't speak French, which was good.

" _Sugar or anything?_ " I heard her whisper from the fixings stand.

" _Dash of milk, two sugars_ ," my brother answered.

"Not too much milk!" I called to her. "It will give you kidney stones. That's an English problem." And then I giggled, as if at my own cleverness. Ana smiled over at me.

"I know. You told me. Did your girl tell you that?" She holds Genji's cup to me.

"She says she has friends in London with terrible teeth," I say as I stand. "Says it's the milk in hot tea and coffee." I take the cup and press it to my lips as if to take a sip. I lick my lips, and it tastes awful. "Ah, that is good." I drown the bitter taste with my own tea. "So, I'm driving this time?"

"That's why I bought you so much coffee!" She laughs. "It's _my_  turn to sleep. Paris is still a long way."

" _Oui oui!_ ," I agree, setting the cups on top of the car. Under my breath I add, in Japanese, "[Little brother, be swift. This guy is watching me.]"

" _I'm just... Okay! I got it._ " I open the car and start putting the drinks in. Ana gets in the car.

"I pick the music!"

I complain. "Come on..."

"Mr. _But Country Lets Me Sleep_... It is my turn!" She tunes through the channels.

I get in, shutting the door. I lift a cup to my lips and catch myself before I sip the wrong cup.

"... _Baka,_ " I chide myself. I sip the other one, taking a nice gulp.

"I should pick up a good amount of Japanese on this trip," Ana adds, holding her own cup in her lap. "Oniisan. What is that?"

I smile at her. "Brother. Respectful. Because I'm the eldest." I nod.

"Okay... And... What was that you just said? 'Baka'?"

I wrinkle my nose. "It means 'idiot'."

The door clicks behind me as she rubs her arm. "You are not an idiot."

"You don't know how he hates coffee."

I hold back the offending cup as my brother lashes in. "You are as bad as _him_. He makes coffee black as oil, makes the whole house smell of it. Which, you know, I don't mind. But I can't stand the taste." I start the car.

"You can put cream and sugar and stuff in it to make it more pallatable, you know," my brother answered, staying low. "Most people start white and get darker."

I blink. "I do not know what that means."

Ana giggles, and we get back on the road.

We head up to a country road and then turn back. If the guard thought we were suspicious, we left before he could call in a tail.

xxx

It was after 2 in the morning when we finally got back. The tea wasn't quite enough to keep me awake, and the stress of the days was riding on my soul... But the coffee worked for Ana and Genji, who chattered most of the way there.

"...It's frustrating being the only one who doesn't speak Spanish," Genji was saying. "I mean, I've _tried_. But it gets mixed up with Portuguese and German and French and..."

"You know too many," Ana laughed.

"Right! It gets confusing. Romantics blur together, but then they don't do the same thing, either. I mean, that's why I finally asked Jesse to teach me, and you saw how badly that went over."

My heart twinged, hearing my lover's name again.

Ana giggled. "He told me he was teaching you, and I told him he was a good man. 'I'm really not though,' he said. It was three days later you did that bit with Gabriel..." She turned in her seat. "What did you actually say to him?"

"Umm... 'Merca en su madre', I think?"

I snorted, and Ana collapsed into giggles.

"I still don't know what that means!"

I shook my head. "First, your pronounciation is bad. It's _mierda_. Like... the French _merde_."

He took a moment to translate it. "...That son of a bitch!"

"No, that's 'hijo de puta'," I corrected him, eyes glittering in mischeif in the mirror.

"Oh, ha ha," he answered, head tilting in mock laughter.

"Oh boy, we're actually going to teach him Spanish the right way," Ana sighed. "Well. The fun way."

"I was surprised Reyes said 'pendejo' in the middle of a debriefing... Having another native speaker around can make one fall into bad habits." I pointedly looked at my brother.

"Okay, and what does that mean?" he insisted.

I wrinkled my nose. "It's not a nice word."

"Think like... asshole and dickhead had an older brother who was even more loathed."

"Wow..." Genji patted a hand on my chair. "Hey! Tell me how to say, 'I hate you, -that word- cowboy', so I can tell him."

My heart squeezed again. "...Cowboy is 'vaquero'. Technically. They also say 'caballero', but that's technically a horseman. Americans kind of use the same word for both."

"Isn't there a movie called _Tres Caballeros_?"

"Oh god, your pronounciation is horrible," Ana whispered.

I laughed. "I've seen that one! It has a... little rooster sharpshooter. Donald Duck goes to Mexico, basically. And Columbia and... wherever else. It's a lot of Central America."

"I've never heard of it," Ana said, intrigued.

"Oh, cowboy showed me..." I trailed off. "You know. He loves his Mexico."

My brother's hand squeezed at my shoulder. I moved a hand to squeeze back.

Ana looked at me strangely. "You call him 'cowboy'?"

"Well... _My_  cowboy. But yes." I became accutely aware of the edges of the road and making sure my car was in the middle of it.

"You don't have any embarassing nicknames I can translate?" my brother asked, trying to lighten the mood. "Slippery sex kitten or something?"

We all laughed.

"...Brother. If I was to call my man love something like 'slippery sex kitten'... Which... I don't even feel right saying." I looked back at him with a disapproving eye and he snickered. "First, would I tell you? And second, would you _want_  me to tell you?"

He considered that. "...No. I was saying it as a joke. Please don't."

He slipped away and hid from me, staring out the window with his arms crossed and I shook my head. "...Although I do call him 'gaijin' on occasion, when he makes me mad."

Genji winced. "Ouch."

"Oh! What does that mean?"

"Literally, is 'round eye'." I point a finger to my eye. "Because Asians have slanted eyes? So a 'round eye' is a westener, specifically. Or, more generally, 'foreignor'."

"Not really a nice word," Genji added, a tone of rebuke in his words.

"Only when I'm mad," I repeat. "And to make it fair, he calls me a crazy Jap sometimes."

Genji shifts uncomfortably. "He does that?"

I look at him in the mirror. "Only when I'm mad."

Ana is watching me, and I think I fascinate her. "You two have such an interesting relationship."

"Well, I also call him _psycho_. Baka." She giggles. I smile, looking out at the road. "...Jesse-san. I almost never call him just Jesse. In our culture, it's rude to use a first name, it's too familiar. I mean, friends... Sure. But even spouses treat their partners with respect. So we have all these honouraries - -kun, -san, -sama, -chan, -tan... There is a long list. Jesse-san is like saying 'Mr. Jesse.' Is respectful. -kun..." I look back in the mirror. "Is a diminuative, for boys. Like... Genji-kun. My little brother."

"And you _still_  call me that," he mutters, as if he is annoyed. I know he is not.

"But sometimes... In specific situations..." I let my eyes darken, thinking of him over me, warm and glowing, the sweat glistening on his skin, those warm brown eyes burning with lust... "I'll even call him -sama. It's an honourary we save for kings and gods." My voice drops to a reverent whisper. "My Jesse-sama." I look in the mirror, and my brother is looking at me. I wish his mask did not hide his eyes from me. I want to know what he thinks of this. If he thinks me foolish and a romantic, or sacriligeous... And then I smirk, my voice a low growl. "Translate that into Spanish, you little shit."


	6. Matters of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My brother shifts to sit beside me on the bed, an arm around me. "[I... Always meant to ask, but... It never seemed like a good time.]"  
> I looked to him, and worried eyes shined back at me.  
> I frowned. "[What?]"  
> He worried his lip. "[Did you... Always know?]"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homophobia trigger warning now, some violence. Y'all should know it's all fridge horror and angst in these parts. I mean, really. This is chapter 6.

Despite the fact that it is the middle of the night, the compound is flooded in light. I see now that we are in a national park, a preservation. It makes me anxious that whatever is meant to be protected here could so quickly become collateral damage to Reaper and his unscrupulous men...

As we are getting out of the car, Sombra is there to meet us.

"How did it go?"

" _Como mierda_ ," Genji replies.

She looks at him with a furrowed brow. "That bad, eh?"

Ana giggles. "He's just learning Spanish. The fun way."

"But I haven't learned how to apologize yet, so..." He shrugs.

She purses his lips. "Very funny."

I thought it was funny, but I didn't say.

"Did you get the intel?"

At that, my stomach dropped. Ana touched a hand to my shoulder.

"...Yeah, but it's not good. We should debrief."

xxx

They arranged a room fast enough. We all met in and there was a meagre attempt at hospitality as someone offered drinks, but we declined.

"Alright," Reaper growled. "Who wants to go first?"

No one in my party spoke up.

"Fine, I'll go," Widowmaker finally said. "As I said before, building was torched. There were five bodies pulled from the rubble. Cleaning staff and a couple of guests. Almost half a dozen more with injuries that escaped the fire. There's pretty clear evidence for arson. But there is no filed report." She looked sideways at Reaper. "Point of interest, sir. It was owned by the Schizert family."

"...You don't say."

"I'm going to make a wild guess," Ana said. "They were either your client or your target."

"That's classified information," Reaper replied evenly.

"Well, I managed to get the logins to their security database. Wasn't easy with the damage, but I got it. Should be able to get the back up and we can have someone watch the tapes."

"You will want to go back to when he first arrived," I suggested. "If he was double-dealing, it will tell us who he was dealing with."

Reaper hissed softly. It may have been a sigh, it was hard to tell. But the fingers he began to drum on the table belied his irritability. "And what did you get on your front?"

"Well, camera footage for starters," my brother answered. "But that's only really to look for friendly faces. We had confirmation that he was using the cafe as a meet."

"Place is definitely a front for something," added Ana. "I'm not sure exactly what, but I wasn't there to see. There was a guard sitting in the lobby. Sloppy and grumpy. And the man behind the counter seemed only too happy to speak in a language he didn't understand. He showed up in the morning, grabbed a coffee, and waited for a contact. They spoke, he left. Presumably to do your recon mission. Afterwards, they met up again."

I clenched my fists, staring at the grain of the wood... It was an ashen brown, like cafe au lait... I hate coffee.

"They... had a disagreement. It ended with them leaving the establishment with McCree in their custody."

Reaper cursed quietly.

"...We have the footage to see if anyone looks familiar," Genji said.

_"You really think they could terminate if they had to?"_   
_"Maybe they wouldn't... But I'm sure Gabriel would."_

I dared to look up to Reaper. His hands were pressed together in front of where his lips would be, as if he were thinking. I glance to Ana, and she looks... pale. She has a hand clutched around a pendant around her neck, and her eyes are closed. I imagine she's praying. Widowmaker looks bored, and is tapping her fingers on the table, watching Reaper as if they were discussing which restaurant to go to for dinner. Sombra looks subdued, and when I look to the screen, I recognise the picture she had put up first... McCree in his Blackwatch black, sniper rifle in hand.

I am not going to sit here and wait for a man named _Reaper_  to decide my cowboy's fate.

I stand, my lips tight, and my eyes are burning fire... "Reaper-san. If you decide he is not worth your time... Or resources. At least let us try." I bow in respect. "As Overwatch."

I listen. Out of the corner of my eye, Sombra leans forward to see Reaper around me, her eyes hopeful, but tenuously so.

"Hai!" My brother stands, and he too bows. "You sent for us to retrieve him. Come with us or not, we can handle it"

Ana stands as well, and bows her head.

Widowmaker laughs. It is a harsh, cruel sound. "It's the Clint Eastwood Fan Club..."

"I'll help, too." Sombra stood, clutching her phone to her chest. "I mean... We can't just leave him out there."

"Of course we can," Reaper growled. "He broke protocol. Sabotaged a mission. And his safe house. Could have compromised Blackwatch as a whole. He's a liability now."

"There is also the matter of his..." Ana hesitates. "Modifications."

Reaper's head tilts slightly. "Modifications."

"Ziegler mentioned... an experiment." She looked to Sombra, whose eyes went wide.

"I..."

When Reaper stands, it is with anger. "Enough. Debriefing done. I want all of you back in your quarters."

Widowmaker sighs through her nose. Sombra looks like she's been struck... I entertain the notion of speaking to her as we leave--

"Sombra. You stay."

I heard her gulp as I stepped past her, but the guards did not let me linger to listen.

xxx

"I just have one question, Jesse..." I made myself look at him. "Why?"

His eyes wandered around the table, but they didn't look at me. He swallowed hard, but he did not speak.  
I slammed a fist on the table, the stress of the last few days stretching me tight. "[Answer me, damn it!]"  
His eyes flash up to me, and he leans away, heartbreak in his eyes.

" _Why?_ " I asked again. "Why do you do this? Why do you risk everything like this, taking two, three, four jobs at once. _Why?_  Where is the money going, Jesse? Because I do not see it. There is no Cadillac in the park, just a beat up old truck. You do not live in a penthouse. When we went to Tokyo, _I_  helped pay for it. And even then, you called in a favor for a free bird. So it's not coming home with you. Where is it going?"

He looked ill... Like he wanted to be sick. Like the reason he was avoiding my eye was so he would not throw up on me.

I moved into his line of sight, and chains rattled as he caught my eye for a spare moment and turned the other way.

" _Why?_ " I hissed.

His throat bubbled... His eyes were red, one swollen, and the cut on his lip added to his ruddy skin just gave him a general appearance of bruising that made me queasy to look at him. "I... I don't know if you'd understand," he finally whispered, his voice thick with the tears that slipped down his cheek.

"Try me, Jesse-san." I wanted to reach out and slap him, slap him out of this, throw him to the floor, toss him against the wall, _anything_ for a reaction. I was angry. I was so angry... My fingers curled in cruel claws. The heat of the dragon rose in me, and it was all I could do not to lash out at the man I loved, who had been lying to me for so long... "Tell me why I should ever trust you again. You have been _lying_. This whole time. To everyone. To me, to Ana..."

He flinched away at that name, taking a thin and wavering breath.

"...To _Gabriel_. You did not even tell me you were still working with him. That Blackwatch was still on."

"That was classified--"

"I do not give a shit about classified!" I shouted, banging another fist on the table. His flinch should not have given me satisfaction.

Another gasp of breath, and his hand moved to wipe the tears from his eyes. "Hanzo, please, I--"

"What! What! Hanzo, what!? Say something! You speak and talk, but you SAY nothing!"

He muttered wordlessly under his breath, and it was driving me _mad_.

"What do I have to do?!" I protested. I came up on him, and he leaned away from me, eyes full of pain and fear. I grabbed him by his shirt, and he flinched, but he met my eyes. "What do I have to do? Do I have to grab you? Do I have to hit you? Do I have to kiss you? What do I do? What do I do to make you _talk_ to me?"

He looked up at me with those wet brown eyes, and it was just tearing away at the heart in me that was already in shreds.

"Do not look at me like that!" I cried, my own voice breaking, as I tugged at his shirt. "Do not look at me like you are the one who is hurt! I flew across the world to come find you, and I find you in a hole of your own making! What am I to think?! How long was it going to be before this happened? One day you just don't come home! No call, no note, no explanation, just another money grab for what? And you don't get out. You fly alone, one day you will be shot down!"

His hands tremble as they touch my arms. "Han, please..."

"What do I do?" I sobbed. "I do not know what to do..."

I leaned forward and he caught me. Arms and chains move around me and he holds me tight, and I cry into his shirt like a child.

"I was so scared I had lost you..."

"I'm so sorry..."

I have cried so much, I do not know where the tears come from anymore. Before long, they dry up, and I am just whimpering in his arms, and he's holding me tight, the voice I had longed for in my ear at last.

"I gotcha, sweetheart... I gotcha." He presses hot, wet kisses in my hair, on my neck, my sleeve. "I gotcha. I'm here now. I gotcha..."

"We thought you were dead..." My voice is a wail I do not even recognise as my own voice.

"God, I'm sorry, baby..." He swallows and coughs. "God, I'm so sorry..."

"Is there someone else?" I can't believe I am saying the words. "I cannot help but think... There is someone else. Someone else who you are hiding from me. Who you are keeping in another little love nest somewhere in the world..."

"Oh, honey, no..." He pulls away, his hands moving to my face, chains rattling behind me. "Honey, look at me."

I want to believe him...

"Hanzo... _Hanzo!"_

_"ONIISAN! HANZO!"_

I wake with a start, covered in sweat and tears. My brother is holding me, and I am hovered over the floor, held only by his arms around me, and mine clutching to him.

"Oniisan," he whispers. "You were shouting in your sleep. Wordless, angry, desperate barking. I tried to wake you, but..." He moves me onto the bunk proper, and it is a mess of twisted blankets. My chest is heaving as I try to get my breath. I touch a hand to my chest, and I can feel my heart pounding out of control.

"...You were starting to glow," he added. "I was worried if you would set off the dragons in the compound."

I could not look at him as I fought to regain my own composure...

He sat down beside me, and took off his mask. I could see the worry in his eyes. "Oniisan... Talk to me."

_What do I do to make you talk to me?_

I swallow, but my throat is dry and raw... "I... [I dreamt of him.]"

"[Of McCree]?"

I nodded. "[We were... Back at Overwatch. In an interrogation room. I...]" I took a deep breath, and it shuddered in my chest. "[He was beaten. I couldn't see, but I knew... I knew he had been found beaten and cut and broken, and Angela had patched him up, and then they put him in the room for questioning and... And I went in first.]" I looked up at my brother. "[I was mean to him. Demanded to know... why he had lied to me, to all of us...]" I shook my head. "[He wouldn't tell me anything.]"

My brother reached out to squeeze my shoulder. "[Because it is a dream. If you do not know... He can not know.]"

"[I am so afraid...]" I lean into his arm, and he moves to welcome me in his arms. He is awkward, and he is cold and hard, but he is trying. "[I worry about what they say. If he has lied about this... What else has he lied about?]"

He says nothing, just holding me.

"[What if... What if there is someone else? Someone else he is working for?]"

"[Besides Overwatch and Blackwatch?]" he asks.

"[Like...]" The word chokes in my throat. "[Like a real family he has to take care of. One that no one knows about, that he has to hide.]"

I look up into my brother's eyes, and they go cold and cruel.

"[You think he is unfaithful?]"

"[I do not know. It could just be my worry. And fear. But with so many lies...]"

I see him grit his jaw, and his eyes flash in fury. "[If that is true, I will kill him.]"

"[I do not know,]" I moan. "[It could just be my worry. I never believed I would be happy with anyone... So long ago I had resigned myself to a loveless marriage, and then being alone forever. Now that I have him... I am always afraid I will lose him.]"

I wipe my nose on the sheet, and take a deep breath.

My brother shifts to sit beside me on the bed, an arm around me. "[I... Always meant to ask, but... It never seemed like a good time.]"

I looked to him, and worried eyes shined back at me.

I frowned. "[What?]"

"[You...]" He worried his lip. "[Did you... Always know?]"

I blinked at him. "[Know what?]"

He struggled, mouth open... And then shrugged, blurting out, "[Yaoi?]"

My eyes open, and my lips part. And then I shut them, looking away from him. _This is not a conversation I ever wanted to have._  "[I... would rather not say.]"

"[Brother... How long did you know? Did you... Back when we were young?]"

_"Form up!" he barked at us. "Genji! Tight! Back up! Hanzo!" He tapped at my knees with a bamboo stick. "Open!"_   
_I shifted my feet, holding the posture but widening my stance, eyes looking to him._   
_"Good. Form!"_   
_We let out an exhale, moving into the next form._   
_"Hanzo... Feet!" He tapped at my knee again, but I buckled._   
_I cursed... And looked up at him. His eyes watched me with indifference, but the were the green of jade dragons. His chest was beautiful sculpted, lean and hard from practise, his lips a soft shade of pink, and those powerful hands around the bamboo--_   
_"UP!" he barked, whacking me in the shoulder. "Get back in form!"_   
_I took the stance again, watching him move to the back of the room. He tossed a white towel over his shoulder and grabbed a glass, pouring himself a drink. I watched him drink as my own throat dried up, eyes dark with want, wanting to know what the side of his neck tasted like... Wanting to run my fingers down the hills and valleys of his back..._   
_When he looked back to us, our eyes met. There was alarm, and then anger._   
_"HANZO!" he roared. "Feet!"_   
_I inched my toe back, watching him, gauging for approval... But the curl to his lip was one of disgust._

I swallowed hard. "[...Early enough to know it was wrong]," I answered. "[I remembered finding yaoi manga at the shops...]"

_The bell chimed above me and I cursed it for announcing my presence. The boy behind the counter looked up at me, then looked down, without interest. I had ridden two buses to be on an edge of town where no one would immediately recognise me... Last thing I needed was a manga shopkeep with a good eye. I crept through the aisles, my heart racing, as I read the labels on top... I took a deep breath as I found the hentai. I browsed through the tomes, and picked one at random._   
_...And then I picked up another one. And after that, another. Girls of varying size and shape and colour, some outlandish and others modest, some in sweet love-making, and others being desecrated by demons or worse..._   
_I cursed under my breath. None of it. I didn't care._   
_I put them back, and sighed. I felt defeated. Like I was fighting demons I could not see. Could not understand. Could not prevail against..._   
_I took a step back, reading the labels again and... Swallowing, I moved to the section I knew would be my undoing._   
_Hand shaking... I pulled a book._   
_Lean lines and coy, dark eyes, subtle smiles and a kimono as dark as the midnight sky... He even had a dragon with him. I turned the page, and he present himself before a rock giant, his bulging biceps just as ridiculous as the girls before, but... I turned the page, watching them kiss. On this one, hands touched the other. On the next, the sweet little boy lowered himself onto the giant--_   
_"Ohaio!"_   
_I startled, the greeting neither friendly or timely, and the shopkeep from before had his hands on his hips, a book in his own hand. "Listen, kid, we don't sell used hentai here. You buy it or you don't. Got it?"_   
_I swallowed, terrified. I didn't know what to say._   
_He raised his eyebrows and pushed up his glasses. "Well?"_   
_I tried again... "I... I'm just browsing." I looked down at the book, and felt myself twitch below. I shut it. Lie. "I was looking for..."_   
_"Yaoi?" he said, bored._   
_"...Hai. For my..."_   
_There was a smirk to his lips as he waited for me to finish._   
_"...Friend."_   
_"Oh... your friend." He snorted. "Usually it's 'my sister'. What, prank gift?"_   
_"...Hai." I gave him a tentative smile. "I wasn't sure how... Outlandish to go."_   
_He chuckled, a low and mischeivous laugh. "Actually... Outlandish just comes out ridiculous. You really want to creep them out..." He pulled out another book, this one with a smug looking fellow with bright blue eyes and a devilish grin. "Start subtle. This one has an androgynous kuudere uke - long silver hair, purple eyes, speaks in third person - very sweet. They get all excited until it happens and then there's a second cock involved. Hahaha!" He hands it to me, and I smile, flipping through the pages._   
_...He is beautiful, but the strong jaw and large hands should have given it away... Were it not for clever posing. I flip forward to the business end, and the details are graphic. "Oh my."_   
_"Right?" He nudges me. "That'll slay 'im. He won't be able to look at you for two weeks, promise."_   
_I devoured it after dinner that night. The artist was a permanent bachelor (which in our world meant exactly what it looked like) in the heart of Tokyo. I found his gallery one day and spent an entire afternoon staring at the walls, wishing I could find someone that looked at me like the boys in his books..._

"[...And found it was the only thing that... I liked.]" I looked down at my hands. "[I tried to like girls. I did. But...]"

"[I'm an idiot,]" Genji said, smacking a hand to his head. "[No wonder you picked the most boring girl ever to be your bride.]"

I gave a shy smile. "[She liked to read yaoi, too,]" I said. "[She thought I was going to tease her, but... I told her I didn't care. I lied and told her I read all sorts of things. But really, I just wanted her hand-me-downs. She brought me books all the time, but she was good enough to take them home with her.]"

"[Bookworms,]" he teased. "[...If only I'd noticed what you were reading.]"

"[We had safety precautions up,]" I said.

He laughed. "[Funny!]"

My lips twisted. "[...That wasn't a joke.]"

His laughter died. "[...Oh.]"

"[I confess. When I had to run from the family... And from her... Part of me was relieved.]"

Genji took a deep breath. "[I don't know how I could not have noticed.]"

"[Well, it's not like I had boyfriends,]" I confessed. "[I did not dare. I had to be contented with my books.]" I looked down at my hands. "[McCree-san was my first.]"

"[All the more reason to kill him,]" he groaned. "[I cannot bear to see him break you like this.]"

I sighed. "[I do not understand what is going on. But... my heart aches for him. And my soul. And my flesh... My very bones ache.]" I look to him. "[Is love like that with you?]"

He hesitated. "[...Not often. Very, very rarely. But... Once you have tasted that, you are ruined forever.]" He looked up at me. "[You cannot settle for less. He has set a high bar. You will have a hard time beating it.]"

I rubbed a fist at my eyes as my heart twisted again. "[I do not wish that I should have to.]"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, 'you can't sell used hentai' is from a really bizarre story from my anime con days back in high school... Not the best way to be recognised, I tell you.


	7. Mexico

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who are you working with?"  
> ...I let it all go. I sigh. I close my eyes. I think of Mexico. White sandy beaches, mariachi on the radio, barman fussing about the tapas. Waves crashing on the shore...  
> I can almost taste the margarita on my lips. Sour and bright. It's cold and refreshing as it melts on my tongue.  
>  _"Jesse-san," he says. "I want to sit in the surf. I'll be back." I watch him rise, kimono loose around his shoulders, a cloth wrap around his waist that doesn't hide his beautiful legs..._  
>  His hand slaps my face, and I scowl.  
> "You are ignoring me!" he says. "That's very rude."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic violence, and some torture. Kind of. It's pretty lame torture. This guy isn't very good. But torture is still bad. Imagine I'm stealing a page from Burn Notice, because I totes am.

_Wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub..._

I hear the opening of a door. And then the bang. I stir from my quiet, and blink open my eyes. It's still dark, the gold light in the window suggesting dawn... Or dusk. I think it's done. To be fair, I'm not sure if I went to sleep or not.

They could be shutting the window to fuck with me.

I hear fancy shoes clipping on the stone outside, and the squeak and groan of rubber soles. That tall feller with the squeaky Army boots is with them. The boss man is giving them orders in German.

"[I want guards posted outside this door at all times! No smoke breaks. No piss breaks! You tell him to piss on the tree where you can see him!]"

I smirk. _Somebody likes to wander off._  I roll my shoulders much as I can, feeling my joints and bones crack, arching my back. If I scooch my hips far enough I can...

 _Crack_. I groan... That feels better. I exhale, and sit back, leaning my shoulder blades against the back of my flimsy metal chair. I remember one time in Korea they only had a bar stool to spare for me, and hell, was that one of the more excruciating tortures I've ever endured. A sadistic man would put that in a book somewhere. I'm not the kind to let anyone else know that kind of information. Liable to come back and bite me in the ass.

As the key is fiddled with at the door, I lean forward, and start a yawn. I'm finishing when they are in, boss man scowling at me with his soft white hands on his nicely tailored suit.

"Mornin'," I greet him, my voice gravely. "You guys bring breakfast?"

He smirks. "Perhaps with sometime, you have learned to be more forthcoming." He holds a hand out to the tall blond feller, and a rod is in his hand. It's long and thin, and it's gonna have a mighty sharp sting to it. He claps it in his palm with a sharp  _wheip!_  "Who are you working with?"

I tilt my head up. "Well, you're Matt. I'm callin' him Geralt, and I'm callin' tall guy there Blondie. And I want you to know that hurts me on a personal level."

The strike goes right across my cheekbone, and _boy howdy_  does it sting. I work my jaw, and swallow. "How about Hans and Karl, then?"

"You think you are a funny man." He nods to Karl and he moves behind me. I hear the jingling of a belt, and then the whirring of leather on loops. I let myself relax, because although those are usually good sounds, I know they won't be this time.

Bound, I can't do anything to stop him as the belt goes round my neck, and he fastens it in behind, tucking it taut, and I brace as he pulls it snug as he can get it. My breathing is thin as he pulls, and I feel it catch on a notch. I gasp loud and strain, blinking away tears...

"One more time, cowboy... Who are you working with?"

I feel the pain, red and purple, and I lean back, looking up at the shitty, dusty fan they have rotating overhead. It's loud enough to be annoying, but not fast enough to do its job. It sits rock hard and mean on my adam's apple. I clench my jowls, trying to shift the leather a little higher...

Just on my periphery, I see boss man nod, and there's another pinch before Karl lets it loose. I make a show of gasping for air, even if I do need it, and I cough.

I look up at him, and I guess 'defiance' translates, because he looks up. I tilt my head back as I see him nod, and I try to get eye contact with Karl.

"Karl, don--"

The belt tightens again, but at this angle, it tucks under my jaw. _Moron_ , I think, and I wheeze my breath in and out. Any BDSM choking class will tell you to choke 'em high - it's invasive enough to trick your brain into thinking someone's trying to kill you, but it's all gag reflex and no larynx. And any cowboy will tell you it ain't the stranglin' that kills you when you hang a man - it's his neck breaking from the drop. That's why their boots dance as the body panicks without anyone in the control booth. I even let out a whimper and a grimace, and kick my boot as little as I can.

Another nod, and release. I gulp for air for a moment, leaning forward for effect, and then toss my head back, hair getting out of my eyes, as I look up at him. Just in case Karl tries it in again. I breathe long and deep, my chest heaving, but my eyes are expressionless as I look up at him.

He moves into my space, hands on my thighs, a sadistic smirk on his face. "How long do you think we can do this before you die?" he teases.

 _Y'all need to try a lot harder than that if you want me dead_ , I don't tell him. Whoever this cat is, he's not been in his position long. I can tell by his eagerness to interrogate, and the actual caring he has for the intel I'm not giving him. He has something to prove, which means he also has something to lose.

A professional doesn't give a shit. He wants you to believe he is doing it because he likes to hurt people. Gaining intel is just icing. I've met guys like that. Been in the chair with one or two. It gives you an entirely new perspective on life.

I give a small cough. "Ever thought of askin' nicely?"

He snarls and whips me across the face again. The same side. His dominant hand. He's reacting. He isn't trying to maximize damage.

God, people like this are fun to play with.

"Karl, get ready for yer cue," I mutter.

I watch boss man's lips sneer, and his eyes narrow. I smirk.

He grabs me by the jaw, and I hope he cuts his sweet little soft hands on my scratchy beard. "We are not playing games."

My lips pout. "But I'm havin' _fun_."

He hisses at me, moving away, and he slaps me. I've had Hanzo slap me harder than that in bed, and I chuckle.

"Honey, my girlfriend hits harder than you do." I get a good laugh out of it, too. I try not to think about how I should've been home days ago, and he's probably worried sick--

He wanders behind me, and I listen, turning my head to see.

[Does this faucet work?]

[Um... I do not know...]

[Well, try it!]

He's screwing around with one of the buckets they had used for a piss pot, and I hear water sputtering, then hitting the bottom of it.

 _Ah, hell,_  I think. _Dumbass amateur is gonna waterboard me_. How unoriginal. He doesn't even have the draining for it. He's gonna make a mess, it's gonna taste like shit - literally - and damn it, that actually _is_  worrisome. I've been water boarded before. I've been forcibly drowned before. And as someone who has almost actually drowned out in the ocean more times than I care to admit, it is one of those things that actually works. You don't have to be fully submerged to die of drowning. It's an excruciating, terrifying way to go.

I tell myself not to think about it. I look up at Karl. "So I gotta ask. You got a brother I've killed to make this authentic?"

His eyes narrow in lack of amusement... And then they twist. A glimmer of recognition.

"Heeey... Hans and Karl! _Die Hard!_ " He points at me with his gun, but there's a grin.

"Yippie ki yay, mother fucker," I answer with a grin.

"Haha! I thought you meant Karl Marx..."

[What are you doing?!]

Karl stops, and looks back at him. [I was just--]

[You do not talk to him! Idiot!]

I chuckle to myself... And then I sigh. _Well. Even if I get killed by Germans, one of them will have got the joke_.

There's a scattering, and then the resonating sound of boot and bucket.

[ENOUGH!] The water shuts off, and I crick my neck. Sounds like the plumbing isn't working out for him, for which I am grateful. But also, this asshole is running out of ideas.

I lean back and look up to Karl. "If I die here, I just want you to know I appreciate you for all that you've done to me."

His head tilts, confused, but there's a small smile teasing on his lips.

[Alex! Get away from him! Or I'm going to hit you next!]

Karl steps back, eyes wide, and boss man comes back to me, water stained on his shirt. He comes back in my face, and I swear, if I wasn't gay he'd be _really_  annoying.

He grabs me by the throat (...idiot) and presses high. I wheeze for him, my eyes going wide, my lips stretched in a grimace. His eyes are burning with anger and impotent frustration. "Who are you working with?!"

I hold my tongue, wanting him to believe its working, that I can't breathe... He lets go, and I gulp a breath.

I pant thinly. "Just you, boss," I wheeze, voice rough. "Us and John, Paul, George--"

He smacks me again, and I groan.

"...And Ringo." I look back up at him again. I feel that crazy smile of mine comin' on. _He's just too much fun_.

I hear the guy in the back with the water snicker softly. I move my head towards him. "I'll be here all wee--"

Another slap, this time a backhand, and it's stronger. I hiss at the impact, which hit me right on the side of the neck. It _burns_.

I'm really getting aggravated with this annoying little shit. I'm tired, I haven't had a drink, my patience is about at its limit, I miss my Hanzo--

"Who are you working with?"

...I let it all go. I sigh. I close my eyes. I think of Mexico. White sandy beaches, mariachi on the radio, barman fussing about the tapas. Waves crashing on the shore...

I can almost taste the margarita on my lips. Sour and bright. It's cold and refreshing as it melts on my tongue.

_"Jesse-san," he says. "I want to sit in the surf. I'll be back." I watch him rise, kimono loose around his shoulders, a cloth wrap around his waist that doesn't hide his beautiful legs..._

His hand slaps my face, and I scowl.

"You are ignoring me!" he says. "That's very rude."

I blink, as if waking up. "Oh I'm sorry." I squeeze my eyes shut. "Just a little tired is all. What was the question again?"

He fumes, noisy breath in his nose. _I'm taking Hanzo out dancing when I get home_ , I think to myself. Hold him close and move slow and tender, and just give him kisses everywhere.

[Forget him. Let's go.]

[But what about the--]

[He can starve.] They all step out of the room, but he glares at me, and I catch his eye.

"Leavin' so soon?" I ask.

"I give you some time to think it over."

The door slams shut, and I hear him bitch at them for being useless. Karl asks for my sandwich, and no one cares. I listen to them march out of the warehouse, and the main door slams shut. I sigh, and try to get comfortable again.

I let my body relax, my thoughts of Mexico. Waves crashing on the shore, my boy sitting on the edge where the water can wash over his legs, his little black flip flops held in place by determined toes. His hands rising and falling with the water, the edges of his kimono darkened and wet. I lean back in my chair, I sip on my margarita, and I tip my hat low to keep the sun from my eyes, letting it slowly bake my skin... I don't even read. I just watch my Hanzo, sitting in the surf. He's beautiful. Quiet, serene... He brings me peace just looking at him. As my eyes begin to weigh down on me, the gnawing in my gut that wants to eat a million tacos, or a cheesy bean burrito... In my mind's eye, Hanzo turns back to me over his shoulder, a contented smile on his face. He waves at me from afar. I wave back, and tilt my hat to him. I blow him a kiss... He plays at following it with his eyes, wavering like a bird's indecisive fluttering, and then catch it. He slaps it on his lips and throws it back to me.

My heart aches, and I let out a pained breath. I swallow hard, refusing to ask myself a soul-crushing question, and focus on Mexico, and his smiling face. _Oh, look! 2 peso pescados. I love fish tacos..._


	8. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you hear that?" I whispered. I was terrified I had just imagined it, just then, that sound.  
> "That was weird," Sombra agreed, nose wrinkling. "Sounded like a... like a wolf howling."  
> "In a hotel room?" Ana asked.  
> "It's a coyote," I corrected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't sure where the hell this story was when I first dumped them off on the compound, but APPARENTLY we're in Germany or something like it. SURPRISE! Damn, I want some schnitzel now.
> 
> So... Sombra has a lot of Audrey Ramirez in her, I find, and I'm not sorry. I'm glad she has a Jesse in her life and not just a Gabriel, because I feel like he would grind on her until she rebels (*coughlikeincanoncough*), and she admires Jesse's "I do what I want" attitude. But Jesse does it from a good place. I feel like she's a girl who has lost everything and is working way too hard to try and make it up as she goes, and she steals cues from the people around her. Which is why I wish she was surrounded by better people. I like that she doesn't blindly follow. She needs structure and someone to guide her, but you can't force her, or she'll just push right back. I feel like Jesse is a Big Brother to her in a way, coming from a gang background himself (as Reyes does). I feel like he's a safer person to look up to.
> 
> Safe-ER. I paint Jesse as a fucking hero. So take that with a grain of salt.
> 
> ...I haven't figured out who Ana is yet. She's such a horrid gossip, though. I really love her character. Meh. Maybe I'll figure it out as I go.
> 
> ALSO. I'm not sorry for the Alan Rickman fangirling that is about to occur. Sure I lust after a dead guy, but there's nothing wrong with that! I was lusting after him long before he was dead.

We are not prisoners, exactly. Still, the guards give me a weird look when I slip outside as the soft blue of morning rises in the sky. It turns to alarm when I take two steps back and then scale up to the roof, and guns follow me on reflex.

" _Mein gott!_ " one mutters. "You there! What are you about?"

I smirk to myself and call down to him. "Just enjoying the morning!" I step to the crest of the building, and look about at the colors to determine which way is the sun rise. I sigh to myself, wishing I had my morning cup of tea... Wishing I had my morning kisses, scratchy and raw on my shoulders. My morning hug and drunk his love up by the swallowsful until we finally leave the warm nest of our bed. To smell his bitter coffee and watch him sip it with loving disapproval. To taste it on his lips with our buttered toast and huervos rancheros, or chorizo and eggs. I wish I was giving the garden its morning watering, listening to him complain about what he had to do that day, and how late he would be back. I would share my plans as well, and maybe there would be the tease of target practise on base.

I give a heavy sigh. _Jesse-san... Why have you done this to me?_

I wonder if he is looking at the morning. I wonder if he is, why he is not back to me. I try to avoid thinking about him not being able to. I cling to the stubborn anger that he is doing this purposefully to spite me, because to think him as otherwise pains me more than I can bear.

I make myself comfortable, and take another calming breath. I try to empty my mind of the heartache (and yet it lingers, like the dampness of summer rain on your shirt even after you have stepped indoors...) and instead listen to the sounds around me. I hear bird song, and muttering guards. Bootsteps of those who wander around the place. Faintly, my brother moving around inside. I take all of them, gather it in my arms, and slip them in my pockets. Let them go. Find your inner peace, and hold to it.

My grip is shaking, but I grasp a hold of it. Scattered thoughts threaten and scramble for my attention, but I snatch them up and pocket them away. I need the quiet. The little monsters can wait until after. Some are quiet, a growling stomach and heavy eyes that want rest but can't sleep. I hug them close, giving them a loving kiss, but pocket them away as well.

I meditate. I try to lose myself, listening to the gentle breeze and the dancing melody of nature heralding in the morning. It brings me rest. Not much, but some. Enough for me to steel myself.

I give the guard a little warning as I scale down beside him, so this time there is no gun pointed at me, but he does give me a scowl.

"Good morning," I add, bowing with a smile I do not feel.

"Morning," he mutters. I turn to go back to the cabin with my brother, but I spot Widowmaker coming along the way.  
I knock on the door. Genji appears in a moment. I nod at him to come out, and he sees her too.

"Bonjour," I greet with a nod.

"Debriefing," she answers. She turns on her heel and heads back, the guards moving to lead us.

"...French, too?"

"It is only polite," I answer. "And it does not take seven missions in a foreign country for me to pick up at least a little of the language."

"Hey, I was _sabotaged_."

"Mm-hmm. So you say."

"See, this is why we don't get sent on missions together..."

xxx

There was coffee and strudels when we got there. I sipped water instead and picked at something that would probably have delighted me on another day. Everyone partook and sipped and rifled. When Reaper finally stood, we quieted.

"Today... I have a meet with our client. We'll go heavy armed in case it turns into an ambush. If he doesn't show, we can guess that McCree pinched him for a deal, and he's our guy. But it's just as likely he's not. Ana. I want you, Sombra and Hanzo to sweep the local hotels for any sign that he might be hiding out in town. Look for known aliases, likely ones... You know the deal."

"Yes, sir," Ana said. I looked to Sombra, and her lips squirmed, anxious. She saw me looking and our eyes met. She gave me a tight smile.

"Genji, I want you and Widowmaker to come to the meet."

My brother and I share a look.

"...We reconvene here. By that point we'll have had the boys going through those tapes giving a list of faces and times and we can look for matches."

I moved to rise, and Ana touched my arm. I hesitated, and I watched her eyes. She was watching Reyes. And as he walked past... I felt as if he was watching me, too.

Sombra leaned towards us with a shy smile. "Hi, guys. New work buddies."

...I am struck by how young she is. She reminded me of Lucio and Lena... Her wide eyes are still so fearful, yet anxious to prove herself. And yet, she had the swagger and attitude of someone who came from a rough life. The kind that was drawn to the ruthless cutthroats like Gabriel Reyes.

I wonder if my cowboy had been like her once upon a time.

"My name is Ana," Ana said, smiling, hand out. "You have been doing wonderful work so far."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't have to say stuff like that, it's cool." Her eyes looked to me.

I bowed. "Hanzo Shimada." I held out a hand as well. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

She shook it, but her eyes didn't leave me. "So..." She glanced at Ana, then back at me. "You're Genji's... brother?"

"Yes. He is my little brother."

"Right." The question was sitting on her tongue, I could hear it.

"I take it you and Jesse-san were..." I don't want to say 'close', and yet I don't know the word.

She looks away. "Yeah, Jesse and me got on pretty good." She says the J in Jesse as a Y. "We'd play Spanish Club and pick on Genji." She giggles, and I see the brightness of her youth shine through.

"He is easy sport," I agree, and even Ana laughs.

"Yeah... He is." I see a bittersweet memory cloud her eyes. She looks so young to know such pain.

"...Still. Is best we start to work," I remind them.

"Yeah!" Sombra agrees. "Definitely. I mean, Jesse has some out there aliases. I'm sure they won't be hard to spot, but..." She sighs, rising. "It's still digging."

"Investigation," I sighed. "So very, very tedious."

"Maybe if we're lucky we'll find the right one first," Ana teased.

"YEAH! Like that'll happen..."

Sombra went ahead of us, and my heart went to her. Ana snatched my arm again.

"She's so young," she whispered. "Younger than Fareeha!"

"I know..." And then I remember that McCree and I are only several years older than Fareeha and smile. I pat Ana's hand, and I am humbled by her perspective 20 years past mine. Doubtless she thinks I am too young to be doing this as well.

xxx

I watch her use those extra 20 years experience, plus a long and successful marriage, to good use as she flirts with the flattered "young man" at the front desk. He is easily in his 50s, his temples white but swept back. His even younger associate ran far away to avoid bearing witness, leaving us with no one left to be suspicious.

I wait at the doorway while Sombra hooks her tiny computer to their main server room. This is hotel number four. Last one, I had to be the charming one. Ana insists I was very good at it. I did not think so. I thought I was sad and pathetic and lovesick, so much so it bled, but apparently that is what worked. She even gave me her number. Women are strange.

"Alright, I got the list," Sombra said, tapping her finger to her headset.

I turned to watch Ana give a very loud laugh, and the pair of us slipped out of the control room. Back in the lobby, we sat on the couches, and she pulled it up, scrolling through.

My eyes flashed through the names. It was tempting to ignore the locals, but Jesse was clever enough to disguise himself.

"Hold!" I pointed at one. "That one."

"Alan Rickman?" she asked.

"Hans Gruber," I answered. "He is on _Die Hard_. He is the bad guy."

"The one with Bruce Willis, that he insists is a Christmas movie?"

"That's the one." I smiled. "He goes, 'Yippie ki yay'."

"It's a possibility." She taps her headset again. "Hey, we got a hot one. We're going to check it out."

" _I'm on my way to you_."

We look to each other, and sure enough, there she is. She flashes a card.

"That was quick," Sombra said, suspicious.

"He's here. Or, was here," she answered. "Manager says he's holding antique six-shooters in his vault right now. Even if the hotel was on fire, he wouldn't leave those behind."

She had a point. "Alias name Alan Rickman," I told her.

She looked surprised. "Wow. Really?"

Sombra scoffed. "Don't act like you know who that is."

"Of course I do. He plays Snape. Or... did. Fareeha loves the Harry Potter books." And then she had a dreamy smile. "He was also in _Pride & Prejudice_ as Col. Brandon..."

I did not want to mention we'd bought and watched a copy of _Quigley Down Under_ a couple months ago to settle a bet. Suffice to say I smiled in sympathy.

Sombra rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Like I know who plays Snape. Whatever." She did, however, pulling out another clever gadget. She flipped the card through and it beeped. She tapped some more buttons and then ran it again, and blue went to green. "Alright. Let's try that."

Ana slipped her arm in mine again as we headed to the elevator.

"So... How did he 'mention' antique six-shooters, exactly?" I asked her, when the doors had closed.

"I mentioned that I was an antiques collector. Started with art... Furniture. Too expensive to move. So I moved to artifacts. Told him a story about an exploding antique Chinese firecracker -- true story, by the way -- that we'd had to put in the hotel safe for security reasons, and now I'm always paranoid about putting anything combustible in hotel security. And he reassured me that theirs is fireproof and well-made." She tilted her head, putting on an admittedly charming German accent. "'Why, even now, I have a pair of handsome antique cowboy guns in waiting for a guest. Old six-shooter revolver? Amazing condition. Doubtless he is here for the same convention you are!'" She laughed. "Men do get silly when they're trying to show off."

_"Hey, Hanzo. Watch this." I watched. And I watched him land on his ass with a grunt. And I raised a brow at him._   
_"What are you doing, Cowboy?"_   
_"Nothin'. Never mind." He stood and brushed himself off sheepishly..._   
_And even if his silly trick did not work like he wanted to, I still found the blushing endearing._

"That they are," I agreed. The bell rang as we hit the floor in question, and even as we stepped out, Ana kept my arm.

"What was the room again?"

"318... That way." We followed the numbers and arrows, and my eyes traced the corridors and doors and paintings and vases. We were a good way from the elevator when we found the place, but I noticed some stairs very close by. I could just see him jogging down them for a little guilt-ridden exercise after having a plate of bratwurst with too much mustard and onion.

Ana slipped from my arm to knock on the door. She let out a word I didn't recognise, but for a 'haus' in it, and for a moment she sounded very grumpy. She even scowled. But no one answered, and Sombra slid the key. It beeped in green, and she turned the handle.

She was very slow as she did, and she heard the rip of tape on the top of the door. I watched it hang in the air, not ripped, and she watched the floor for anything else.

"One time I came in to prank him and he had _beans_  on the floor," she whispered. "Why would he do that?"

I chuckled, and saw Ana was smiling, too. There were no beans on the floor, nor rice or flour or salt or any other number of things that could be put on the floor to mark intruders. I moved the door to close behind us, careful to keep it on the outside as we'd found it.

"Yep. This is McCree alright," Ana said, hands on her hips. I slipped in -- there was a coffee pot in the bathroom with a ring where it had dried up. Sugar and cream not touched. Travel-sized Old Spice deoderant and his favorite brand of cologne on the sink. In the room proper, his cowboy boots and spurs waited, sloppily tossed as always, and a brown leather suitcase that was worn at the edges from use. The bright colors of his usual garb were still in his bag, with blacks set out on one bed, the other mussed from sleep.

My heart wrenched at the sight of the jade dragon on the bedside table, and beside it a small picture I could recognise from here. I hurried to it, snatching it up, and I looked to Ana with fear in my eyes. I showed it to her, and she stepped forward, her face fallen, and took it from me. Even Sombra, curious, looked over her shoulder.

It was the pair of us from our visit to Tokyo, both giving the camera a thumbs up. Each of us was wearing a ring and goofy smiles, a sakura behind us.

"Pretty tree," Sombra noted.

"We went to my home country," I said, my voice hollow. "We exchanged rings."

Ana looked up at me in surprise and looked again. "...That's why the thumbs. He showed me and I didn't get it."

"He put his on his right. Said the left one 'didn't count for nothin'." I took a shuddering breath. I moved to the dragon as well, touching it. Tapping my finger to its snout, I sighed, shaking my head. "I do not understand..."

Sombra looked around the room, and started digging in the cupboards. "Aha!" She pulled out a bottle of whiskey. And then a second. And a small one of rum. All still sealed.

"Yeah, that's Jesse," agreed Ana.

She pulled up the bag as well, feeling very smug and satisfied with herself. "...It better be in here or that will be a lot of flash for nothing." I clutched the dragon to my chest as she peeled it open and pulled out a small receipt. She turned it the other way. "Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels. Sailor Jerry. Schnapps. Schnapps... June 6th."

"That was almost a week ago."

My heart leapt to my throat and stayed there. Schnapps for some local flavor... then back to old favourites.  
My eye turned to the trashcan. There was an empty bottle of schnapps there, and the wrappings of something with sauerkraut in it.

"...There is one bottle of schnapps here," I said softly. I found another receipt for the sandwich. "The 6th again."

"He hasn't been here in days..."

"He would not leave this!" I insisted, moving my dragon to our picture. "He would not! Or his guns!"

"The problem is... If we found him, someone else could too."

Sombra's eyes widen. "You think this place is bugged?"

She shrugs. "It's possible."

I shook my head. "I do not think so. It's too..." It was hard to put it on my finger. "I do not know. But I do not think anyone else has been here."

They both looked to me.

I looked to his suitcase. And then I remembered something. I moved my fingers through the neatly folded clothes, packed with love and care, and beneath the third shirt, I found it. My face crumpled, and my breathing went thin. My fingers pulled out a small folded piece of paper, an origami gift. It hadn't been found, much less opened.

"If anyone had come here and rifled this..." I cleared my throat to try to stop the shaking in my voice. "They would have ruined this. I... always give him one." He swallows hard. "He told me once he saves it for the last day, when he really misses me." I shook my head. A suspicious person would rip it open and read it and have it translated, it wouldn't still be here." The fear that had been tugging at my heart snatched it away. "It wouldn't be here! The picture wouldn't be here! They'd hunt for me! They'd have made a mess of his clothes and the beds would both be a mess and--"

"Hanzo! Hanzo, please!"

I crumpled into Ana's arms and I wept, and then... Then I heard a sound. A strange sound. A sound that shouldn't be here, and I froze still, eyes wide. My grip tightened on Ana, and she blinked at me.

"Hanzo?"

"Did you hear that?" I whispered. I was terrified I had just imagined it, just then, that sound.

"That was weird," Sombra agreed, nose wrinkling. "Sounded like a... like a wolf howling."

"In a hotel room?" Ana asked.

"It's a coyote," I corrected. My hands flashed about my person, digging into my jeans for my phone, and I sat down on my ass, staring at the phone.

There was a message there, flashed on the lock screen. It read, _Hey, baby. Sorry about the radio silence. Got tied up with work_. I stared at it. Ana read it, too, and looked to me.

"Is that him?" she hissed.

And just then, the sound came again, the coyote howl I had for his messenger. The one that could easily be reached anywhere in the world with any phone, if you had the right password. The way he and I could communicate even when he was on a mission in some undisclosed location with a drop phone in a classified area.

The second message read, _I miss you. I'm coming home soon. I'll make it up to you. Updates as I can._

"Where the hell is he?" Ana asked, her eyes red with rage.

I flipped my phone open, and started to type the question, but... I deleted it.

"He thinks I am still at home," I whispered. "He has no idea I am here.

I began to type again. _I miss you too. Everything alright?_  I hit send.

There was a pregnant pause. Suddenly Sombra's phone went off, and she snatched at it.

"Hallo?" she answered. I could make out a dark, raspy voice on the other end. "No, we didn't! We just found his room!" He answered back, and her eyes went wide.

Meanwhile, my phone went off again. Ana looked to it, exasperated. I turned on the screen.

_I'm fine. Don't you worry about me. I can take care of myself._

_Like hell you can!_  I thought to myself.

I had half a mind to type something angry, but I couldn't decide on words.

" _Mira_ , I'm telling you, we didn't find him. Just the room he was at, he hasn't been here in almost a week--"  
She listened as he kept raging, and I had to set my phone down, because I was so _angry_. I wanted to crush the thing, I wanted to punch _him_. I wanted to rip my hair out, rip all of his clothes to shreds, demand answers...

Ana stood and paced, just as frustrated and angry as me. Sombra's shoulders slumped. "Yes, sir."

I worked my jaw and looked up to her. She wasn't looking at me. Or at anything really. "Yes, sir." She looked ready to cry. "Alright. By--"

I heard it clip, and her eyes shut, fist under her elbow. She hit a button and her hand dropped.

"...McCree just checked in." She looked to me. "Reyes is pissed. He thinks we found him and didn't report it."

"Which is bullshit," Ana answered.

"Yeah. I told him we found the room, and... He said to wait here. See if he comes back."

I looked to my phone, and then at the dragon. "I believe he will come back. At some point."

"He _has_  to," Ana agreed. "And then, I am going to kick his ass."

"Yeah, me too," Sombra said.

"You will both have to wait for me," I said. "I insist."


	9. Idiots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's not very fast, but he /is/ very stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I did sit here on a bar stool (at home. Yes, I have a bar at home. With a bar stool. And Budweiser. And a cigar-- SHUT UP, OKAY?!) for a good half hour agonizing on how I was going to do this. "How do I want to do this?" Seriously. Three times, at least. COME ON, I GAVE YOU THE MATT & GERALT THING LAST TIME, YOU GOTTA KEEP UP.

...It's not as hot as summer back home, but that don't mean it's fun.

It's strange how many people like to use heat torture to wear you down. I mean, sure. It works, to a certain extent. But my hide has turned to dried leather from New Mexico summers. Albequerque, Tucson, Phoenix, Reno, Vegas... Phoenix is disgusting. At least Tucson is in a valley. There's a reason Harley Davidson rode his steel horse through there. It's still the wild west. It'll kill ya so much as look atcha, with rattlers and javelina and tarantula...  
I hear the banging of the outer doors and sigh. The heat just makes me home sick. But stick me in the Swiss Alps, snow-covered little cottages with their clog shoes, or out in the sun-forsaken Alaskan frontier... Just shoot me. Kill me. Set me on fire and leave me in a sauna, but god, I can not stand the cold. I only like it in my margaritas, thank you very much.

The other door opens, and it's boss man again. Not surprised. This time he has a _club_. Finally gettin' all sophisticated.

"Well, howdy," I greet.

He gives me a sharkish smile as the other two disappear behind me. "Alright, _cowboy_." As if that's an original taunt. "You know, I been thinkin' about you."

"Well, I'm touched," I answer. "It's always nice to be remembered." I lean back in my chair.

He shakes his head, like he knows something now. "You know what it is? I think it's an _act_. This whole... Cowboy thing." He looks to one of the guys and whistles. Out of nowhere behind me, my hat flies into his hands.

I can't hide my surprise. And I don't try to. "Good lord. You still have that thing? I thought you burned it."

"Oh, why would I do that?" He sniffs at it, and puts it on his head. I feel my eyes go black, my jaw clench. "It is a nice hat. I think I shall keep it as a trophy when you are dead."

I shrugged. "It's a custom. They're nice. Worth payin' for."

"Mm. I am sure." He goes right for my gut and I groan. I feel the burn of acid in my throat, but I hold it in and swallow. I wheeze.

"In fact!" He is moving around me, his boots clipping on the floor. "I do not think you are a real cowboy."

"Now, that's just hurtful," I say, voice raspy.

"All your 'yippie ki yay'. Sweet talk. Cowboy jokes. No one is that focused on a singular aesthetic." He comes back into vision, and he smiles down at me, a finger tugging on the tip of my hat. _My_  hat. "I don't even think you're an American."

 _Oh, that's low_. I decide that I'm going to permanently disfigure this one before I'm done with him.

He comes back in front of me, and while my hat makes a fetching sillhouette, he really ruins it for me. He looks to me sideways. "To be fair, I am impressed you have kept in character for so long."

"I'm a gifted actor," I answered, with severity.

"Indeed. I think... Perhaps. You are a diversion." He nodded. I'm pretty sure he is pretty damned proud of himself, too.

I give a choked laugh. And then a proper one, that shakes in my chest and makes me dance.

"I'm a diversion! Well, hot damn. That's pretty good." I readjust myself to lean forward, grinning. "Okay. So what am I distracting you from?"

"You are distracting me... From the real killers." He drops the bat from his shoulder to the ground. "You know who they are? Maybe. Maybe not. But they are out there." And then his smug grin turns into a nasty snarl as that bat swings up. "AND YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME!"

He's not very fast, but he _is_  very stupid, and if he'd been paying any attention, he would have realised that no one has checked my bindings in two days. If his boys had checked, they might have noticed that the chains they'd bound to the floor had been methodically tested until I found a weak one. If they'd done their maintenance, they would have caught me pulling at it every night, or did they think I was aiming really well to hit a piss pot that far away? If they had a man by my door, instead of just two outside the warehouse (where one of them STILL wanders off for piss breaks like an idiot) they would have heard me snap it. They might even have heard me sneaking around the place and rummaging through their boxes and finding all manner of ammunition and gunware. What kind of idiot puts their black ops hostage into an interrogation room that is intended to be the break room for the wares keepers of a gunrunning operation?

New middle management, that's who. Who has never been given any responsibility past babysitting a warehouse before now, and wants to prove himself. A complete fucking moron.

I move with the swing, letting it make contact, and I toss myself to the ground. I groan loudly, face in the ground. I hear the idiots behind me put their guns aside and step forward to help me. I move my legs under me and rise to one knee, bionic hand grabbing the chair. I put my force into the swing and hit him back while he's still getting his balance, and he hits the ground before he knows what hit him. The idiots stare at me, and I twist my arms (OH GOD THAT HURTS) to bring the shitty chair over my head, chains swinging. It takes out the first guy, and I duck as the second one lunges for me. I grab him by the groin with my left hand and squeeze with the full force. He screams, and I throw him.

Boss man is looking up at me with horror from the ground as I untangle my chains from the chair.

"Who the fuck are you?"

I whack him in the face with the chair again, and I grab idiot one by the shirt. He scrambles at me as my other hand reaches for his gun. "Please! Please don't kill me!"

I press it to his sternum. "Were you the one taking piss breaks, or was it _him?_ " I ask, nodding to the fool still weeping over his genitalia.

"I-I--" He waves his head.

"That's what I thought." I shift it to one side and hit him in the shoulder. He _screams_ , and I drop him. I move my gun to the whimpering idiot, and put it to his head. "You two are idiots. Just so you know." I shoot that one in the leg, and he screams. Then I turn on their boss man, and I grab him by the shirt. The movement makes him stir, and I shove him in the chair. I drag it by the back to a wall at the far end. I leave him there, groaning and blinking, and retrieve the rest of the guns, stashing them on my person. I find a knife on one of them and I smirk.

_"We will make you talk..." He drags the blade over my flesh, and I scream... Even though it isn't very deep at all. It stings, for sure, but... He buys it, hook, line and sinker._

"Now I'm gon' make you talk, boy."

"No no no no!" He waves wildly at me, and I grab him by the throat, raising him high. Say what you will about omnics, they can carry a lot of weight. I _squeeze_  on his trachea, and he starts to turn red.

"Please," he wheezes. "I tell you anything!"

"[I came here to do dealings with Mankowitz,]" I tell him. In German. "[I gave them a chance to avoid that catastrophe, and instead you betray me.]"

"[Y-y-you speak German!]" he gasps.

" _Ja_ ," I answer, eyes black. "[I will not forget this unkindness. The blood shed here is a mercy. I have ended entire families. Tell your bosses that the hand of Deadeye McCree will never open to them again. It is instead a closed fist, waiting to strike.]"

And I gut him in an unholy place. Even when the ambulance gets here, he'll be lucky to survive the blood loss. Other parts of him won't be so lucky.

I leave him on the ground, screaming, and the boy with the bladder issues is weeping as he watches me.

"[I'm sorry,]" he says.

"You should see a doctor about your prostate, son," I tell him, leaning close. He eyes my bloodied hand. "You got a cell phone on ya?"

"Right pocket," he says.

"Alright." I fetch it, and I call them for medical help. He's starting to pass out from blood loss. The other idiot is already out. I search him for a phone and steal it. I check 'boss man' and he has a really nice one, with 4G and a thumb swiped lock screen.

"You really are an idiot," I tell him.

xxx

I armed myself with a couple of pistols and an unreasonable amount of ammo. If I was lucky these would be souvenirs for my collection back home. I found a black Volkswagen Jetta to go with his keys, and raided a farmer's water pump off the side of the road to clean myself off. I was halfway back to town when my app finally finished installing.

I logged in as my usual, using the fancy typewriter on the front. _Damned_  nice phone. First things first, I sent a message to my lover, my rock, my sanity. The thing that holds me through on shit storm, parties gone wrong like this.

_Hey, baby. Sorry about the radio silence. Got tied up with work._

Yeah. Literally.

_I miss you. I'm coming home soon. I'll make it up to you. Updates as I can._

I sighed. I did miss him. More than I could say. I should have been home days ago... Three, if I'm counting right.

I brought up Gabriel next. This was going to be bad.

 _Reporting in. I'm alive_.

Short and sweet. He would start blowing my phone up in a second, demanding to know what was wrong... I could tell from the interrogation that the kill had gone off without a hitch. Meant Amelie would be getting my shot bonus. Fucking sucks. But, I got pinched. It's what happens.

The phone goes off at once. Two messages. I skip the one from Gabriel and hit Hanzo up first.

_I miss you too. Everything alright?_

My poor baby. He always worries about me. I sighed, imagining him sitting in the house, sipping tea, with that little thin lined mouth, worried but not wanting to tell anyone. He's such a soldier. God, he makes me ache.

_I'm fine. Don't you worry about me. I can take care of myself._

I hit send and let my thumb linger over his picture as I make my way down a quiet country road. It's of him meditating in the living room one day. He had fussed at me for being noisy and disturbing him, but damn it, I just had to get a picture. I smile at it.

...Then I brace myself for Gabriel. Who is at... three. Four, now.

_Where the hell are you?!_

_We thought you'd compromised the mission!_

_We checked both rendezvous points and nothing. Your god damned safehouse was torched! We thought you were dead!_

_I sent to Overwatch for you!_

That last one made me go white. And then another.

_Jack sent me your fucking boyfriend and Ana and Genji to make sure I didn't fucking kill you, but that won't work if I get to your ass first._

I felt like I was going to be sick. _Hanzo...?_

Another alert. _Get your ass back to base!_  There were coordinates pinned on at the bottom.

But my mind was reeling. _...Hanzo is here?_

It had to be a sick joke. I knew he was mad at me, but that's just cruel to say --

I go to Hanzo's page and type in a message.

_Hanzo... Are you in Germany right now?_

My heart was racing. Amateur torture artists, I could handle. A psychotic LA gangbanger with more law than heart, I knew how to deal with. Family feuds that should have died in World War 2, day in the life. But my Hanzo, out here, in danger, because of me?

When the message came up, I felt like I was going to retch.

_Yes._


	10. Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I'm right, if I know my Hanzo, if I know anything in this damned world...  
> If I stayed right here, my baby could find me. // Teeny tiny tease of smut. YOU'RE WELCOME. *cackles like the evil mastermind I am*

Ohhhh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. I pull the car over to the side of the road before I drive myself into a tree or something. I swallow hard and type back.

_I am so sorry, baby. I did not want you mixed up in all of this._

I wait for an answer. I probably look like a damned fool staring at his phone in the middle of nowhere, but I don't care.

Instead of Hanzo, Gabriel answers me back. Reluctantly, I flip over.

_Speaking of which, apparently he found your OTHER safe house, as you double cross me and try to hedge your bets and make fat money off the contracts that I shared with you! You and me are finished, McCree. Kiss your sorry little senorita goodbye. I'm done with your shit._

I growl and type back.

_It wasn't like that. Like you say, know the client. I was working the other angle, sure. But the higher ups never saw me. Some shithead middle manager decided to take initiative and pinched me before the strike even happened. I heard about it after._

I hit send, my thumb a stab. I switched back to Hanzo, waiting for a reply. It looked like a book.

_I do not understand what 'all of this' is exactly. All I know is you went MIA and we thought you were dead or snatched or worse. I am sitting in your hotel room with Ana and Sombra. We are waiting for you._

With that, I set the car into gear and sped out onto the street.

 _I'm coming_ , I typed, and hit send.

Gabriel Reyes be fucking damned.

xxx

The phone lights up. _I am so sorry, baby..._  My eyes blur through the tears. Sombra has commandeered the rum, and passes it to Ana. I type out a reply... My words feel so empty (we thought you were dead...) and simplistic compared to the pain and weight in my heart right now. _I am sitting in your hotel room... waiting for you._

 _I need you_ , I want to say. I hesitate, and I start it, when his answer comes back.

 _I'm coming_ , it says. It doesn't even have punctuation. I let my lips quirk in a smile.

The girls look to me. "What's the story?" Sombra asks.

I look up at her, and I... remember that she reports directly to _him_.

"He is apologizing for getting me involved," I answer. My words sound dead. I feel so drained...

"He should apologise for disappearing and worrying everyone," Ana growls. And by everyone, she means herself.

I text my brother: _Where are you guys?_

_We are heading back to base. Meet went without a hitch. You guys found him?_

_No. But we found his other safehouse._ I hesitate what else I should say... even to him. I switch to kanji. _[I worry about Reyes. I do not trust him.]_

_[He is really mad. But I think everyone is. He texted you too?]_

_[The fool will come to me first, I know him. I just worry about Reaper and his men. Be safe.]_

_[You too, brother.]_

I have the sounds off to be discreet, but McCree sends me another message.

_I'm something like 20 min out. You said Ana and Sombra?_

_Hai._

I look up, and Sombra is texting, too. Ana is watching me with a guarded expression. I gesture to Sombra. She looks. She pointedly looks to my phone, then back to me. I nod.

Ana stands. "Sombra, you have the rum?"

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah." She reaches behind her, and in that moment, Ana snatches her phone. "Hey!"

"Please, do not make me fight you, child," she says, a hand up.

"It is not you, Sombra-san," I say. "It is Reaper I do not trust."

"Yeah, says the new guy," she says, arms crossing.

Ana hands back the phone. "She is reporting that you are texting him."

"Well, he _is_ ," she replied.

"Sombra-san. Speak true. If he comes through that door, are you on orders to attack him?"

She hesitates, looking between us. It is enough of an answer for me to stand.

"Know that if you touch him, I will not show you mercy. It would be wise for you to hold your hand. Whatever Reyes says, he is not here right now."

She snarls, not liking it. She looks to her phone, her fist wrapping around it.

"Do it for McCree-san," I add. "I cannot think he wants us to be fighting. Especially not because of him."

"That was before he went off the res and betrayed us," she bit back.

"We do not know what happened," I reply. "It would do us well to wait until he is back with us to answer his questions."

"So he can lie again?" she growled.

"And if he does, he shall meet an appropriate punishment," I answer. "I do not think you want to hurt the man you care for so much just because Reyes tells you to."

It is a gamble, but I remember her standing with us when Reaper made it clear he would be put down. She looks away, her face twisting in something unpleasant.

"Sombra..." Ana says, as if suddenly remembering. "The experiment. Ziegler said it was you and McCree... Did Reaper not know about it?"

The look in her eyes... They are wide and terrified, and in them is a motive for murder. My hand tightens on the blade I have on my person, and I find myself in a ready stance.

"Sombra-san. What is the experiment? Please."

She looks to me, and then to Ana. And then to her phone... She shuts it off and sets it aside.

"...No one was supposed to know about it," she said softly. "It was... Well. Jesse hates his left hand. It just doesn't reflex like he wants it to. It's why he shoots with his right -- even with new tech and software upgrades, it's slower than his right hand. He was doing research. Cybergenetics and biology engineering, stuff like that -- God, you should see him on stake outs. It's all he reads."

I feel bile in my throat. I've seen them now and again in his office. I had picked one up, curious, and found them addressed to him, but delivered to the watch tower... He never eft them out around the house. I didn't realise he was hiding them.

"Go on," Ana said.

"Well. Someone wrote a thing. Something about... 'incompatibilities with omnic prosthetics'. It was about patients who were given omnic limbs, but were having trouble connecting with the mechanics. They were trying a synthetic that would meld with the blood and get to the brain, with the hope that neurons would translate better? Something like that. I wasn't so sure about it, but he said he knew a doctor that could help with the organic side if I would help with the mechanics of it." She looked at me sideways. "I... Know my way around omnics pretty well."

There was a shade and darkness to her eyes that suggested she had a very DaVinci way of learning about them.  
"And Ziegler got these synthetics?" I asked.

"Oh, no. She refused, said it was too dangerous, too experimental. Make him susceptible to shockages, electrocution, could screw with his heart, mess up his brain - lots of things. Not a big deal for a normal person, but in our line of work, too damned risky. But..." She hugged herself. "There was an idea. To try and make the connection between brain and prosthetic more efficient. His problem wasn't that it didn't work, it's that it didn't work like he _wanted_  it to. There was a disconnect between what he wanted to do and what he was doing, because he kept over thinking it. He didn't trust it, so it didn't work as fluid as a real arm. His doctor said his problem just wasn't mechanical. It was... psychological."

Ana straightened, her eyes wide. "Oh god."

...I had an idea of where this is going. "Then... what was the experiment?"

"Well... It was supposed to be a placebo type thing. Let him believe it. He'd be sedated -- we usually used alcohol, because it's plentiful and he likes it -- and I would walk him through a kind of... trance. Hypnotherapy type thing. We used training simulator programs that I had modified to take out some of the visuals and replace them so he would buy it better. It was silly, and it didn't seem to do anything, but... We got him a simulation gun. Put one in each hand. I'd paint pictures, and we'd walk through a simulation. I found that... If I told him Reyes was there, he'd assume he was in Blackwatch. But if I mentioned Maria... he would go even further, to Deadlock. If I had him that far back... To before the accident. When the visuals matched, he might forget he had a metal hand. He'd double fist it. We would watch his simulations and gauge his scores. After he woke up... I gave him the scores. I mean... it was /working/. He was getting better. I just..."

She shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. I mean... I don't even know why it was brought up. Reyes was furious, thinking we were compromising McCree, but I swear we weren't! We were doing all we could to keep it safe. And we only did it when we weren't working."

I swallowed hard. "Did you see any side effects?"

She shook her head. "I mean... A little disorientation when he came out of it. I'd have to remind him where we were, since that changed all the time. Nothing serious."

"Did he ever forget your name?"

She opened her mouth to answer... and then stopped. She frowned thinking. "I..." Fear. "I don't know." She looked up at me. "Maybe? Sometimes he would call me _chiquita_  instead of Sombra, but I thought he was just..."

"...Being sweet," Ana finished. "Like when he calls people 'sweetheart' and 'darling'."

"Yeah." She glanced between us, and her hands went to her mouth. " _Dios mio_. What did I do?"

"I think it has addled his mind," I said. "There are times he wakes up and he does not know where he is. Or who I am. One night... He pulled a gun on me." Ana turns to me with eyes wide. "He thought I was there to steal his arms cache. I tried to talk him down. But I said my name, and he thought Genji, which lead to Blackwatch, which..." I sighed. "Was a sore subject. It made him crazy."

"A stranger asking him about Blackwatch," Ana said. "No, that would definitely do the trick." She put a hand to my knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I am so sorry, ibn. I did not know."

I nodded to her, a hand resting on hers. "It has only happened a couple of times. And... yes. Usually when he's woken up. By himself. He is disoriented for a time. Now, I have a ring on his finger to prove to him I am who I say I am. I do not say I am Shimada, I am only Hanzo. I remind him of the things we have done together, but I mention things we do at home, not in combat. Keeping him in that state only seems to lengthen his confusion."

" _Bebito, lo siento_ ," she whispered, tears in her eyes. "I did not know. Honest."

"We had concerns... That he had blacked out and forgotten himself," I confessed. "That maybe he had compromised your mission that way."

Her eyes widen to saucers. "Oh no! Oh, god, no! If all of this was my fault..."

"Child... You could not have known," Ana assured her. "You were only trying to help."

It did not stop the tears in her eyes. "I was! Honest. Just trying to help."

And out of the corner of my eye, I saw my phone flash. I opened it where only I could read.

 _I'm here_.

xxx

"20 minutes, my ass," I growled. I made it in almost half that I left the fucking car on the street, and I even threw the keys in the front seat and left the window down. I hoped someone enterprising would see it and run off with it, just to cause him more fucking heartache. I hope they took it to a chop shop and rubbed out the VIN number and shipped it out of country, too. I'll happily hand someone that pay day as a meagre bit of payback.

I sweep around the hotel's security feeds by marching through the garden, and I might look stupid, but no one can fucking see me, so screw them. I come in through the back with the pool and lift a card, and then I slip in through a side door. I work through the back with the help, and if the staff see me coming, they don't say anything to the burly, cut up, bruised up, pissed off fucking cowboy who is trying to be fucking discreet in this goddamned place and not cause a damn riot! I found the Southwest corner that I know my place is at, and I'm halfway up to the second floor when my heart starts to race for something other than fear.

 _My Hanzo is here_. He doesn't want to look at me when I'm like this, and I know it's going to fuck with him, but _damn it_ , I need to see him, and maybe a bit of his lovin' can make me not hurt so much... I stop on the landing and pull out the phone.

 _I'm here._  I hit send, and I look up those stairs. If I'm right, if I know my Hanzo, if I know anything in this damned world...

If I stayed right here, my baby could find me. I let that hit me like a ton of bricks as I slumped to the ground, and it all hit me.

 _I'm safe... Hanzo is here._  My eyes fluttered, and I let them shut something proper for just a moment.

xxx

I turned off the phone and slipped it in my pocket. Ana looked to me, and I squeezed her hand. "Excuse me."

They both watched me.

"What, is he here?" Sombra insisted, rising.

"Do not let her follow me," I said.

Ana rose, her eyes begging Sombra to be reasonable. I put his dragon by the suitcase, the love note I'd written to him beside. I grabbed his cowboy boots as I went, and I shut the door behind me.

My heart was racing. Anxious, because I worried about the child in the room behind me that could betray us. And worry for him, not knowing what had happened, where he had been, what was going on. Even the anger in me for his betrayal and lies was smothered under the part of me that needed to find him, to wrap my arms around him, to beg forgiveness though I was at no fault, and just bury myself in him. I had no peace without him.

I looked to the left, down the way we'd come. The long way. The way to the elevator.

And then I looked to the right, the discreet servant's passage stairs. Tight and nondescript. I knew the way to go.

I turned right and went down the stairs, hugging his boots close to me, careful that I did not hurt myself on his spurs. My fingers held them quiet like children, and I slipped down the steps.

...Half way to 2. 2. I turn down to halfway--

And there he was. He looked like death warmed over. His ruddy skin was clammy with sweat, his damned hat tucked low over his face. His face was hiding from me, his right leg propped up, a wrist on his knee, the other leg falling down the stairs. I could hear his breathing, thin and ragged, and my heart squeezed all over again.

"Jesse-san?"

He jumped with a start, his head snapping up. Then I saw the cut on his cheek, the bruises on his jaw, a black eye on the right. I saw traces of blood on his fist, browning against his skin. My heart twisted in my chest.

"McCree-san..." I whispered, taking those last steps. "What happened to you?"

He let out a soft sound, like a laugh, and he smiled softly at me. Brown eyes like chocolate sparkled at me, tired and worn, but unspeakably happy to see me. "Ain't you a sight for sore eyes."

I knelt beside him, setting down his boots, and taking off his hat to see the full extent. Ruddy skin of peach and pink were splotched with brown and blue and purple. I reached a hand to touch his jaw, swollen and red, and one of his hands covered mine.

"You even brought me my spurs," he whispered. "How sweet of you."

I found I was leaning against him now, as his arm wrapped around me. I did not have tears left, and yet they threatened to fall. I did not have words either...

"Would you call me selfish if I asked you for a kiss?" His voice was ragged, and rough. Like he'd been doing a lot of yelling...

I couldn't deny him, even now. I wanted to grab him, to shake him, to slap him, to hurt him, but he was hurting _so much already_ , and I couldn't... My fingers are feather light. I keep my other hand on my knee, so I do not find a place he is already in pain, and I am gentle as I can be as my lips touch his.

He inhales, like a drowning man who has finally broken the surface, and crushes himself against me. His arm squeezes me close, like he's been gone for ten years, and not ten days, and now that I have permission, my fists twist into his shirt and I drive into him. His leg goes down and I straddle it. My hunger, my lust, my rage, my frustration, my sorrow and pain, I channel it into this, and my greedy hands pull at his shirt, I want it _off_ , I want to touch his skin--

He yelps, one hand to my shoulder to push me off, the other to catch my greedy hands. "No! No no..." His breathing is thin, and he seethes through his teeth. "Please... Don't."

I sit back on my haunches, my black thoughts turning. I see fear flash in his eyes as I fight his hands, and pull at the shirt anyway. Bruises purple and ugly decorate his side.

I grab at the purple and _squeeze_. He yelps, like a kicked dog, body writhing away from me.

"Does that hurt?" I growl. I slap him across the face, too, and he protests. " _Does that hurt?!_ " I grab his fist, squeezing where I know it is sore and swollen from whatever he has been punching. "How about that?!"

"God damn, Hanzo!" He protests, snatching his hand away. "Stop!"

"You do not tell me 'stop'!" I slap him again, the other side of his face, and the way he groans and grimaces, I know the bruises are still making it sore, and it will hurt more. "You go off reservation and get yourself killed! I ship myself across the fucking planet to come get you, and then I find you like this!"

I raise my hand to strike him again, and he cowers under his arms. His eyes are bright with fear, his breathing thin. I should not take so much pleasure in this. I stand, and just to be petty, I kick his damned boots down the stairs.

" _Fuck_  you!" I say. And I _spit_  at him. He looks surprised. I know he is surprised. He has never heard that language out of me before. Not that he hasn't used it plenty himself.

When I go around the corner, I give him a last sideways glance, my lips curled in a sneer, and he is still watching me with stunned, wide eyes.


	11. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swallowed hard, trying to think how I would react if my Hanzo came to me beat all to hell like this. I'd probably go on a murdering spree to rival a gang war, for starters. But I think then I'd take him to a bathhouse and kiss everything until it went away, and soak him in jasmine oils or something fancy and relaxing that healed stuff good. Hanzo would know about that stuff. I just took hot showers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some pretty graphic smut things in here. And an unbearable amount of cuteness, so I hope you have your insulin on hand. CUZ U GON GET DIABEETUS from the sweetness.
> 
> I am sadly a very single trans man and this is the closest I get to happiness. Pity me, but also indulge on the art my pain has WROUGHT.
> 
> Also, MVP for the night: "I can't kanji."

...I watch him disappear around the corner. I am stunned, hurt, the adrenaline and pain in my body amplifying my awareness of how well and truly fucked I am. I am speechless in a way that only Hanzo Shimada can ever truly achieve in me. Only love can make you hurt that much. To want to kiss and kill and torment and want to nurture all at the same time. My heart throbs, and I can feel my frantic heartbeat pulses in every bruise and cut and injury. I absently cover my fist with my metal hand, letting the cool ease the pain. I take a breath, touching it to my face as well.

There's a part of me that has to commend his strength. He damn near knocked me down the stairs with one blow. And his grip on my side was _excruciating_... The part of me that likes the pain is all a-flutter, but the part of me that likes to live shudders at the cruelty of it all. All part and parcel when you live with a dragon, I suppose.

And I can't help but wonder at how the samurai can stomp up the stairs in a rage and still not make a sound.

My arms are trembling beneath me as I pull myself against the wall. I lean forward, cursing under my breath as I do from the pain, and snatch at my furthest boot, something like five steps down the way. I patiently pick at my laces with stiff fingers and pull off one black combat boot after the other, and ease into my favourite old leathers with an indulgent sigh. The spurs sing as I settle my feet down, and I smile softly.

Even when he was so mad he was ready to hit me, he brought me my boots.

I brace myself, and shaking hands help me rise. I snatch at the things I've been wearing for a week, knowing they smell like rotten cabbage or something worse, and I start to pick my way up the stairs.

...It was three, wasn't it? In the midst of everything, I've plumb forgot my room number. I check my pocket for the card, and then I remember I lifted this, and stick it back in. I looked out at three, and sure enough, I can hear the worried tones of Ana Amari, and my heart sings.

"Hanzo... Please, ibn. What happened? Where is he? Hanzo! Hanzo, please!"

I brace myself as I turn the corner, and the door is ajar. I gently push it open and her protests die. The door is jerked open, and her startled face looks at me with wide eyes.

"JESSE!" she cries, and she nearly tosses herself at me, and stops short as I stumble back on a foot. She touches her hands to her face. "Ibn, what happened to you?"

I swallow hard as I lean into the door frame. "Got pinched." I hate how raw and rough my voice sounds. "Some amateur wanted to play Dr. Feelgood with me for a few days." I go to move into the room, and she steps asie, shutting it behind me. "Please tell me y'all got some food in here..."

Standing next to my sleeping bed is Sombra, and she has a piece trained on me. Her eyes are wide and panicked, and her hands are trembling.

"Hey." I put my hands up, boots and up. "Don't want no trouble. I know you got orders, but..."

"[W-we thought you were compromised,]" she insists in trembling Spanish. "[We thought you were dead. We thought--]"

"[I understand. Gabriel will take a man out if he becomes a complication. You don't have to explain that to me, of all people.]"

I hear a door swing behind me, and I watch her eyes go to my left shoulder.

"You go so quickly to your own grave, cowboy."

His voice pains me, even as it soothes my soul. Like a scalding hot bath, easing the pain but burning all the same.

"I'm just trying to make everyone calm," I answer. " _Chiquita_ , please. Put the gun down."

Her eyes widen with a flicker of fear that I can't quite comprehend. She lowers her piece.

Fast as a flash mine is out now, and the boots hit the ground. "Now toss it over here." I hold out my other hand.

She takes a gulping breath and tears prick at her eyes. But she tosses it to me. I toss it on the bed, and I disarm my piece, holding it up.

"We're all friends here," I tell her, and I look over my shoulder. "Right guys?"

Hanzo has tears down his cheeks, his eyes red and angry, his lips turned into a scowl. Ana stares at me like I'm a ghost.

I toss my gun on the bed, too, and my patience is about to end. "Look. I got _pinched_. Okay? I'm used to Gabriel wanting to kill me at any excuse, but _not_  you," I say, pointing a finger at the girl. She flinches, as if my finger is a loaded gun. "Christ, Sombra, we've been working together for years--"

"Oh _god_..." She visibly deflates, and sits down on the bed. Even behind me, I hear Ana whisper a prayer of thanks in Arabic, and even Hanzo exhales.

I stop, stepping sideways so I can see all of them. "Now what the /hell/ kinda reaction is that?"

"You remember her," Hanzo says, eyes going to Sombra.

"What-- Of course I do! Not that I know her _actual_  name, since she doesn't like to tell people," I add, looking to her. "But yes. I know her. One of the best damn hacks in the entire fucking planet. I would hate to see her go up against Lucio, because I have a feeling Gabriel will win that war. No offense to Mr. Beat Box and all."

Hanzo looks like he wants to jump me, but instead he turns back into the room.

"Ibn," Ana whispers. "We were worried... Worried you had a relapse and were lost to us."

"Relapse?" I asked. "The hell you on about?" Now I'm worried.

She opens her mouth, then hesitates. "Oh..."

"They know about our... experiments," Sombra confesses. My head flips to her. Her eyes look like she ran over someone's puppy. My heart sinks.

I point a finger to her, and then to the door that is hiding my Hanzo... Then I look to Ana. "Okay. I don't see what that's got to do with anything, but okay."

Ana gives me a wry smile, but it doesn't answer my question. I look back to Sombra. "Why is that a thing?"

"I haven't been... fixing your circuitry," she said, not looking at me. "If anything, I've been... manipulating it." She looks to my arm, and my fist clenches self-consciously. "There is no _fixing_  it. It's not broken." She looks into my eyes. "It's just you. You are too aware of the fact it's a prosthetic, you won't let yourself use it instinctually like you want."

My jaw clenches, and my fists tighten. "You calling me broken?"

She looks away, shrugging gently. "I'm not the one trying to fix himself."

I feel a gentle touch on my shoulder, and I flench reflexively. Then I tell myself it's just Ana and I look down.

"Ibn... They were putting you through simulations, yes? Programs to test your reflexes?"

I remembered going under... I remembered her asking me to trust her. It don't feel right anymore.

"...She was doing hypnotherapy. Memory regression. If they could trick your mind into thinking you still had both your hands... You would walk the simulation with your left hand. You were getting better." She looks like she took a bite of something sour. "But it meant you got lost in the past. Memories of Gabriel would put you in Blackwatch, and ah..." She looked to Sombra, and I glanced an eye.

"Maria."

"Yes. And Maria would put you in Deadlock." She gave me a patient smile, and my heart fell.

I looked back to Sombra. "Who the fuck told you about Maria?"

The door opened again, and Hanzo stepped out, wanting to hear this for himself. I hadn't even told _him_  about Maria. I mean... I know I should, but...

Sombra tucked in on herself. "I... I asked Gabriel. You mentioned her at some point in a simulation." She squirmed. "I told him you'd whispered the name in your sleep, which... I mean, technically you did. Just..."

"...Just a sleep you put me under and fucked with my brain, yeah. I think I'm followin'."

She flinched, and looked away.

"So who is Maria?"

I looked to Hanzo, and there was hate and hurt in his eyes. I withered, knowing where his mind was probably going.

"Hanzo, baby, I'll explain that to you later," I said softly.

The answer didn't satisfy him. He turned to hide again, and I said loudly, "For pete's sake, anyone got any fucking food?"

Ana's lips quirked. Even Hanzo hesitated. I looked to Sombra and sighed. "I swear, I've had maybe two or three sandwiches in four or eight days. Be frank, it's hard to tell when you're locked up in a fucking _interrogation room_ with amateurs who like to not feed you when you don't give them any answers." I started raiding my cabinets, sure I didn't have any food in here (I usually don't) but looking just in case. "But of course you guys got into my rum just fine," I add, waving a nearly polished Sailor Jerry I know I hadn't touched. I looked to Sombra, and she had the decency to blush. I sighed, putting it back on the counter.

"We go get you food," Hanzo said gently. "And then we go back to base."

"Fabulous," I answered. I reached behind a dresser, grimacing as my knuckles brushed against unkind spackled wall and unfinished wood and pulled out a wallet. "Sombra, be a dear. There's a drop phone behind that dresser."

I watched her do it, and noticed my picture's gone.

"Woah. Where's my picture?" I asked, pointing to where it was.

I heard a clack of plastic, and I looked to Hanzo, who offered it to me.

"Your dragon is by the suitcase." He swallowed, his eyes meeting mine only barely. I looked to see it there, sitting next to an origami love note that I hadn't had a chance to find. "We... Were not sure if this was you. Ana suspected that someone else could have beaten us here, but..." I looked to him, and there was a sad smile on his lips. "I know any stranger would find that note and open it." He looked up at me again, and there was the lovesick puppy I wanted to see.

I melt when he looks at me like that. Every god damned time. I move to the note and carefully pick it up, my fingers opening the little folds of neatly pressed paper, admiring the gold foiling of the design. I shifted my weight to one leg as I read it, a smile on my lips. I saw Ana lean forward to read and I leaned it away from her with a disapproving look, and she smiled.

"Honestly, woman." I kept reading and grinned. "Some of this just ain't decent for ladyfolk."

I glanced up at Hanzo, who blushed furiously and swatted at me with a towel from the bathroom. I chuckled, and folded it up, sticking it in my pocket. "I save these for last because otherwise they drive me nuts all trip. Did that twice, won't do it again." And then I consider it. "Actually. I look like death. Can I shower?"

"We can order in," Ana suggested. "By the time you are ready to go, there will be food."

"See, that sounds all kinds of wonderful to me right now." I go to give her a hug, and she is delicate with me. I press a kiss to her temple. "Got my mama to fret after me, little sister to annoy. Dad's mad at me. It's like being home all over again." I looked at Sombra. "Mind you. Never did have a sister quite as cute as you." She wrinkles her nose at me.

And then I look to Hanzo as I let Ana go. He is wound tight, anxious. His arms are tugged tight, and I know he fears he will do me more pain. He gets a rage, some times. It's rare enough, but it still scares him.

"Now, mama, did you look after this boy while I was gone?"

"Ibn, of course!" she said, looking to Hanzo with a smile. Her hand massages over my shoulders, and I can feel some of her magick going to work. "He has been worried sick. His brother wants to kill you for making him hurt so much." She tags me with a very gentle punch. "And when you are better, I will bend you over my knee and give you a good thrashing, okay?"

I give a nervous laugh. "Oh boy. That won't be fun."

"No, it will not. _You will be uglier when I am done with you_ ," she whispers with a menacing smile.

Remember how I said some people can torture you and make you think they do it cuz they love it? Ana Amari can be one of those people. You watch out for her. She can be an _evil_  fuck.

"Now I'm scared," I murmur. "I'll never misbehave again."

I look back at Hanzo. He is... waiting for a cue. A sign. He wants to apologize, but I won't let him.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, ladies..." I reach for his shirt as I go, and his eyes widen in surprise. "You'll want to turn the radio on for this."

" _Ay, dios mio,_ " Sombra curses, and she gets up to leave.

"Fair warnin'!" I call after her.

"I will get you food," Ana adds, laughing.

We watch them go, and the door clicks shut. I look back at him, and his hands are on my arm, holding him in the doorway.

"I suppose you will hit me back now?" he asks me.

"Hanzo, if you went off the reservation for three days, I'd be ready to kill someone, too," I answer him, speaking gently. I pull on his shirt, bringing him closer to me. His lips twitch in a smile. "If I had reason to believe you had compromised your mission and gone off the reservation for some money grab at playing the other side, I'd want to kill you, too. I get it, I do." I let go of his shirt and move my hands to the small of his back. I slide them over his shoulder blades, and his eyes close, just feeling me. His hands touch my shirt as well, and when I claw down with my nails, he arches in a delicious fashion, his hips grinding on mine. He looks up at me with those eyes like storms... And I want nothing more than to kiss his troubles away. "Trust me when I say. It's a little more complicated than it sounds. I'll tell ya in time. But now is not that time. You have to trust me."

His face wrinkles, his fingers scratching at a rough patch in the shirt that is a remnant of blood shed. But he nods, looking up at me.

"I have to trust you. If I can not..." He can't even finish the sentence. He leans forward, lips asking for a kiss.

I give him one, a little more tender, but still hungry. It's one of our homecoming kisses. It says I love you, I missed you, I want you, but I also know now is for just being together a little bit. The bang-bang we can do later, and it'll be wonderful, but right now my heart needs yours, and I need your arms around me. It lengthens, and his arms go around my neck, his hands gentle, his pressure light. My hands squeeze at his hips, kneading, my tongue and lips dancing with his. We lean against the door frame, and I shift to find a position that doesn't have me laying on a bruise, and I tease my hands under his shirt. He sighs into me when cool metal touches hot skin, and I smile. He leans away from me, his eyes dark with want, soft with tenderness.

"I love you," I whisper. "More than anything in the world."

The smile he gives me is one of the silliest damned things, and it makes me want to kiss it right off of him. That's _my_  smile. Don't no one get to see it but me.

"I love you, Jesse-sama," he answers. His fingers tease in my hair, and my eyelids droop at his dragon claws on my scalp, soothing away pains... Then he grips, and twists and I let out a complaining sound. His smile twists. "You make me _crazy_."

I grin at him. "The feeling is entirely mutual," I tell him, and I pinch his hip.

His cheeks twitch, but it's only smothering a smile. He releases his grip, those eyes sparkling with mischief.

"If I shower, will you join me?" I ask.

He raises his eyebrows, and makes to consider it. "I do not know, Jesse-sama. In your condition, I think you could not handle me."

I chuckled. "I can handle a lot, you know." I moved my hips against his, and a brow raised in suspicion. "Bastard was a complete amateur. Couldn't choke right, kept getting in my face and my lap. Was like a really unsatisfying strip tease. I kept telling him I got somebody already, but..."

Vice grips grabbed my hips, and fingers dug into them. I giggled. "You are being very bad."

"Well, yeah. That's me. I'm pretty awful." I bit my lip, watching his eyes go dark.

"...How about we see how wounded you are, first," he answered. He let go of my grip, and his eyes roamed over body, but not in anticipation. In worry. Worry for what he would find.

I swallowed hard, trying to think how I would react if my Hanzo came to me beat all to hell like this. I'd probably go on a murdering spree to rival a gang war, for starters. But I think then I'd take him to a bathhouse and kiss everything until it went away, and soak him in jasmine oils or something fancy and relaxing that healed stuff good. Hanzo would know about that stuff. I just took hot showers.

"Just... be careful with the torso," I said, as I started to peel off the shirt. "And the _face_." I gave him a glare and he laughed softly in his nose. "God, I know, I got an ugly face. But hey, maybe it looks better this way? Be honest, haven't even..." I glanced in the mirror, shirt mostly off of me, and my face fell. "...Looked yet."

Ugly purple bruising covered my left side, and another strike or two on my right. I touched my ribs and winced - some of them were probably busted. I took off the shirt, shoulders and arms hollerin' at me, and my arms were bruised from manhandling. My face was covered in bruises, including a cut down my cheek and some red around my neck that was going to darken. I swallowed hard, cool hand touching my throat, remembering the belt.

Behind me, I heard rustling, and I tilted my head to see my Hanzo taking off his shirt, too. Lean muscle, faint pale scars I had memorised, his hair up in a bun, with loose bits dangling out... I reached out to him, and he stopped, hands undoing his buckles.

"Hey, there," I said, softly.

His eyes looked at me, and he smirked. "You look like _shit_  Jesse-san."

"Yeah, well, you look pretty enough for both of us."

He smiled. That you're-crazy-but-I-love-you smile he gives me when I give him a compliment at a time he thinks is weird or inappropriate. Which is most of the time. He has no idea how gorgeous he is. I give a longing sigh and do the same, my stiff fingers having me make a longer time of it. He is already naked and climbing in the shower when I step out of my pants. There's a couple bruises on my legs as well.

"Damn," I mutter.

He looks at me, and then to the shower, starting the water. "I will make it hot for you. You keep that kettle of a hand to yourself, now."

I chuckle, and even my body betrays me. "Down, boy. He may be pretty, but he'll slap you around if you ain't careful."

"Don't get his hopes up," Hanzo teases.

I chuckle again. I lean on the bathroom counter as I peel off my socks. "I sincerely apologise for these. They're gonna be ripe."

"Oof," Hanzo answers. "Jesse-san! You stink."

"I'm _about_  to take a shower," I drawl, turning about with a little strut. "I was just apologizing."

His eyes look me over and he sighs.

"Sad to say, I've seen you in worse. Over less time." He shook his head. "Over paintball, even."

I laugh at the memory. "Yeah, we were both pretty beat up with that. We should do that again some time."

"Oh no. I remember not being able to sleep or cuddle because we kept touching something bad and wincing. For a week. I do not know if it is worth that."

God, I want to kiss him. I step into the bath, hissing softly at the heat, but I step in. Nice thing about hotels is they usually have nice big showers for people who want to do the kind of stuff we're about to do. I close the curtain, and he stands, hand on the showerhead.

"Here it comes," he warns, and pulls the plug. The water hesitates, and then comes out the top. He keeps a hand in the stream, waiting for the heat to catch up, and then beckons to me.

"Not a lot of hotels have shower attendants," I tease. "How much they pay you for this?"

"Not enough," he answers, smiling. He slaps my ass, and I jump a little. "I found something that isn't bruised."

"You keep that up, it's gon' be."

He moves his hand over the spot, massaging in a circle. He reaches up for a kiss, and I happily give him one. I sigh, finally feeling at _home_  now that I'm back with him. He leans away, and the water is sticking to his hair like little sparkles. I duck my head into the stream, and rub my face clean. Hanzo messes with the soaps behind me.

"I always have the funniest notion to shampoo your chest," he said. "But then I'd have to do your arms and legs too, and that would get weird."

I looked over my shoulder at him and quirked my head to the side. "That _is_  a funny notion."

And then he blinks. "I have never said 'funniest notion' in my life." He lets out a sound that I can never translate, a 'manneh' kind of exasperation. "I am turning cowboy."

"Ah, shit. Is that contagious? I'm awful sorry."

"I have certainly had enough... Intimate contact," he purrs. I look down at him again, and he is sudsing up a loofa.

"Mr. Shimada. Are you trying to seduce me?"

He giggles in his chest, and moves so that my back is to the water, and he touches the soapy sponge to my chest. His eyes watch the work as he slides it over me, shoulders, neck sweeping under my chin as I tilt up. Other side. He is gentle, and works his way down, to my hips and stomach, sliding it around my legs... His hair is getting more and more wet, and I brace myself on the wall.

He does things like this. Body worship is the term. It's like when he calls me Jesse-sama when no one else is around. He comes from a culture of respect. And for some obscene reason unknown to me, he respects the hell out of me. It's humbling, to be worthy of such devotion. I don't think I deserve a lick of it, but I know he wants to do it. Gets off on it, I'm sure. And that's just fiiiine with me. I can take some lovin' now and again.

He rises again, mischievous dark eyes as the sponge comes up between my legs. I raise my brows.

"Well now."

"Hmm. You wish." He removes the sponge and twirls a finger. I scoff and dejectedly stomp around in a circle. I tilt the showerhead so I'm not swallowing water. The thought makes me shiver.

"Gettin' me all excited for nothing."

He answers back in Japanese and I chuckle. I think it means something like 'not my fault' or 'don't blame me' or 'that's your own doing'. I can't quite remember, but it's usually in that context. Hell, could be 'you reap what you sow'. His hands massage over my shoulders, squeezing my muscles all the way down, skipping to my lower back as he attempts to avoid the garish bruise on my side.

He mutters something to himself, and I look back.

"What was that? Not heard that one."

He repeats himself, louder. "It means 'no one is supposed to beat you up like this but me'."

I smile. "I even told the guy, 'My girlfriend hits harder than you'."

He pinched my hip. " _Ow_."

"I am not your girlfriend," he said.

"No. But if I told him you were a guy, it wouldn't be as funny." He looked up at me with those eyes that tell me they aren't amused, but I know inside he's smiling. "Sides. He might have expected more from me."

This phrase means 'now, we can't have that, can we?'

"I love it when you talk Japanese to me," I tell him, my voice low. "You get all guttural and snarky and sexy and shit."

He snorts at me. "Snarky and sexy and shit. _You_  are full of shit."

He finishes, again teasing the loufa between my legs, and I brace.

"You are a wicked creature."

"Am I, sama?" His purr can undo any man's thinking processes. This time, a hand comes around to touch me, strong fingers wrapping around. I sigh into his touch, feeling his body slick and hot behind mine. "Oh no. I have found something."

"Mm-hmm. Sure did." I sway on my feet.

"...I think it will tell me something. Let us listen." He presses his ear to my shoulder and I hum. My fingers curl as his hand strokes, and I grow in his grip. I try to breathe deep, even as my heart starts to race.

Things like this are why I love this man. He lies to you, tells you he isn't amused by your dirty joke, while he gives you a wicked little smile. He calls you hopeless and an idiot one minute, then he wraps his arms around you and looks at you like you're his world the next. The only person I've ever known to go from kissing me to slapping me full on the face in half a second, and sometimes he'll even kiss me again. He's a bit on the cruel end, but he is also tender and loving and sweet and...

"God..." I groan, my legs quivering.

...And god, can he drive a man crazy.

"Shhhh," he says. "I am listening."

I moan, my hips bucking against him. He makes an amused sound. He slaps a hand to my ass and squeezes. He even bites my shoulder, and I hiss. I know he's back there and not in my arms kissing me right now, because it's easier to pretend I'm not all beat up from behind me. My face looks like a mess. We both need this, but there's no way he can do this while looking at me right now. I ask God why he gave me such a wonderful, beautiful, patient, crafty creature, and what I did to earn his devotion. And if I'm paying for it with every piece of pain he doles out with the pleasure... Well. I'll count it a damned good bargain.

He switches hands, and bites again, a little lower. I groan, moving my hips on instinct, hoping I can give him some contact joy. I eventually hear him growl as well, and he bites again. I feel his own manhood between my cheeks and I shiver at the delicious feeling.

"That damn dragon bites a lot, don't he?" I say to myself. It comes out a harsh whisper.

He gives a sound that is usually him thinking of something sexy. "Dragon is thinking you are washed enough."

"But we ain't done my hair," I teased in a sing-song.

He gives that sound again, and it is impatient. He mutters something that translates to 'you try my patience'. It's actually something zen like 'don't tease a monkey with a banana' or something. I can't remember what. But it means I got him on the ropes. I see his hands in front of me to be rinsed off, and then a tug on my hair. I chuckle, and lean my head back.

Oh, his hands feel amazing. Lovingly stirring it all in, massaging all the worry and stress out of my head, teasing at the nape of my neck... He squeezes at the back of my neck and my shoulders again as he does, and he presses a kiss between my shoulderblades.

I step forward to rinse out my hair and wipe off the soap. I tilt the water to him so he can rinse off, and I can't help that my eyes are drawn to his own manhood, erect and impatient.

"Did you want me to do you?" I asked.

And he does this thing that cocks his hip to one side, hand on glorious bone. "That was the idea. But not in here. You will slip and kill yourself."

I grin. And he smirks.

"I just like hearin' you say that," I confess. I kill the water and go for a towel. He snatches it from my reach and looks at me with mischief.

"Too slow, cowboy." And then he throws it over my head, tousling my hair.

"Careful, now. You gon' make dizzy."

" _Shhh_ ," he says again. I chuckle.

He rubs me down, head to toe (giving my erection a loving squeeze), and by the end of it, I'm dark-eyed and growling myself.

"Do you have lubricant?" he asks.

I scowl. "I don't."

"Hmm." And then he does a little wave of his hand that I am supposed to take as dismissal as he begins to pat himself down. I chuckle again, pausing to give him a kiss on the temple while he is busy, and step out.

When I open the bathroom door a crack, I wince at how cold it is in comparison. Makes my cock dance. "Boy, howdy." I glance around to make sure Ana and Sombra aren't in there before I open the door wide.

"We should probably be quick," I say. "Don't know when they'll be--"

And I look back at him. His eyes are closed, hair sopping on his shoulders, and he sighs gently to himself, hand working on himself. I feel myself twitch watching him. I see his lips twitch, and he looks at me out of the corner of his eye, storm clouds dark and lustful. He lets me watch and he strokes, and then hums to himself.

"Well, I can just watch, if you like."

He tilts his head, as if to say, 'Well, that's your choice.' I touch myself. He sees that I am, and he smiles.

I sigh, leaning on the wall. "God damn, are you beautiful."

He sniffs through his nose. "You are so full of shit."

He looks over at me with that stupid smile of his and I just chuckle to myself. I squeeze myself hard. "Mmf. God, I would _love_ to be inside you right now."

"I would like that, too," he says.

...I think for a second. "Hold on." I go to my suit case, and rummage about. It's usually so tightly packed when Hanzo does it, everything in a reasonable order... I pull open a side pocket I rarely use and let out a bark of triumph!

"Oh, goodness me." I turn and show him the small bottle of lubricant I had picked up three or four trips back when I was in Thailand and feeling particularly homesick.

His hand stops, but I can tell it's squeezing. His teeth grit. "You lied to me."

"I forgot," I answered.

"I do not like it when you lie to me," he growls, and he's coming towards me, and I am more excited than afraid. He snatches the bottle from me, peering at the kanji. "What is this? Thai?"

"I was homesick."

"Oh! Asians all look the same, ah?" He looked like he was going to slap me, so he re-aims a punch for my shoulder. I laugh. "You better get over here and fuck me, then."

"Oh my! Hanzo, I never hear you use such language."

"Maybe I will do it some more if you listen."

I laugh, making use of it in my hand. "Honey, you can tell me whatever you like, in whatever lingo you like. Long as it's your voice a-purrin', I'm a-listenin'.

xxx

It was a little peculiar not having music on for once. Not that I need it, but because he usually gets so... out of sorts listening to himself. But that wasn't the case this time. He wanted pain. He wanted roughness. I clawed at his hips and he ripped at the mattress, descending from English demands to Japanese exclamations and encouragement to that sweet world of incomprehension when you break through the pain and it's just blissful union... I left red streaks all over his back, and I know the fingerprints on his hips would bruise. I watched him pull at himself as he got closer, and listening to him cry out is just about the best thing to happen to a man. I warned him when I was close, and he caught my wrist. I obeyed his every command, and when I was spent, we both took a moment to pant together, heavy with the effort. I slipped from him with a groan, and he fell over on the side. I crawled beside him, and he tucked himself to my chest, being careful where he put his hands as he held me. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close, and I just sighed. I held my eyes closed a long moment, and I considered sleep. It would only be right, here with my Hanzo in my arms. His fingers stroked at my skin and I heard him moving quietly. I eventually blinked my eyes open, and looked down at him. He had a shy smile, and his stormy cloud eyes watched me. I could see a question in them.

I nuzzled him for a kiss, and he answered. Lazy, decadent, unrushed. I hummed, and my own fingers teased at the small of his back. A slight squirm as his lips stretched a tiny fraction more.

I closed my eyes again and rested my head on the pillow. "Alright. Whatcha got?"

I opened. He looked away from me, his fingers stroking my arm. And then to me. "Who is... Maria?"

I groaned, looking at the wall. I swallowed. "It's a long and unpleasant story." I looked to him. "It's not what you think I promise."

He shrugged. "What do I think?"

"Well. I assume you think she's an old girlfriend. Or worse, a present one. But I told you before, baby -- I swing both ways, yeah. But not at the same time." I squeezed a glorious ass cheek. "When you're mine, you're mine. And I'm yours."

He smiled... but it was short-lived. "So... Who is she?"

I couldn't bear the look in his eyes. So open and trusting, so perfect and wonderful. Naked and warm in my arms after some rather fantastic love-making, and looking at me with those eyes...

I pulled my arm out from under him, teasing a hand along his cheek as I did, and propped up my head with my palm. I looked down at my metal hand, resting on his hip, his fingers trailing along what flesh remained.

"...She's from a long time ago. Way long ago. Back in Deadlock. She, ah..."

_"Look at this girl, ' migo. She's so beautiful. I'm gonna marry her!"_   
_I laughed. "I've heard you say that before."_   
_"No, but I mean it, man. Jesse, she's the one."_

I cleared my throat. "She was married to my best friend at the time. I was best man at the wedding. Beautiful ceremony."

_"See? What I tell you?"_   
_"Hey, I stand corrected," I laughed, wrapping my arms around him for a hug._   
_He squeezed me back, smiling. "Alright, caballero. Don't make a fool of me, okay?"_   
_"What? But that's what the Best Man's speech is for!"_   
_He flipped me off, grinning, and went into the reception hall to ovations, hand in hand with his bride._

"They were like family to me. Even when I joined Blackwatch, I would still go home to New Mexico. They always welcomed me..."

_" Mira. One for Oscar..."_   
_" Gracias, Maria."_   
_"An one for Julio..."_   
_" Gracias, Mama."_   
_"An one for Jesse."_   
_" Gracias, Maria."_   
_"Mm. You know, Oscarito, I think Jesse is still my favorite." She wrapped her arms around me, hugging me close, and I laughed._   
_"Oh no! You cannot steal my wife!" he protested. "This is my house!"_   
_"I don't mean to..." I said, arms shrugging, beaming._   
_" Pero, he's got more money than you..." She stroked my chest. "I think I should get a divorce."_   
_" Ay, dios mio. I'm ruined." More laughter._   
_"...It's good to have you back, Jesse." She kissed my cheek and patted my shoulder._   
_"Thanks, Maria."_   
_"Okay, so who wants tamales?"_

"...He died a little before my..." My eyes looked to my arm. Hanzo's eyes looked, and widened in comprehension. He reached down with a hand and slipped his fingers amongst the metal. I gave him a sad smile. "I abandoned a mission in Beijing and flew back home nonstop for the funeral." I swallowed hard. "He'd been shot down while riding for Deadlock. I was the only one there in a suit."

_I looked around at them all... Men I'd thought my brothers. Each of them were wearing their skins, with Deadlock Gang stitched on the back. Even the girls. The priest wasn't even wearing a jacket. Everyone looked at me like I was a traitor, or a stranger... And to many of them, I was just a legend. A turncoat. That rare soul who managed to escape the vortex of poverty and violence that had become our norm..._   
_They especially didn't like the rich-looking white boy holding a crying Latina widow. It felt wrong._

"...By then, half the gang was kids who didn't know me. And the ones that did had never forgiven me for quitting the gang for bigger and better things. They were jealous, among other things. I tried making myself scarce, but even if I showed up at Maria's, someone was always there."

_The door slammed, and we both turned._   
_"You expectin' someone?" I asked, polite._   
_Maria sighed, locking her youngest in the high chair. "Julio, eat your dinner."_   
_I turned to the sprout, who was in grade school now, looking ridiculous under my hat. "That hat looks real nice on you, by the way."_   
_He grinned, teeth missing. " Gracias."_   
_"Hey, Maria! What's for dinner?"_   
_I turned in my chair to see a distressed looking Maria return to the kitchen and pick out two more plates as a pair of bikers in familiar skins waltzed in. One of them put his hands on his hips and gave me an unfriendly smile. "Well well well. If it ain't Jesse "Deadeye" McCree. Come back to grace us little folk with your presence?"_   
_Maria set a plate on the spare spot and took my hat from her boy's head, handing it to me. "Julio, bebito, go eat in your room."_   
_Julio eyed the bikers, but did as his mother asked. I put on my hat as she moved to fix the second plate._   
_I watched the boy go, anger in my jaw. I stood, wiping my mouth with a napkin. I looked to Maria, whose eyes were tired and worn._   
_"I'm sorry, Maria," I said gently. I gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I didn't mean to cause you trouble."_   
_I looked to the two bikers. The one with the loud mouth had been a shit upstart when I was with the gang. The kid behind him was probably just here for the 'free' food. Because gang family help each other. Even if they can't afford to. I knew I could take them both out, but that was just a good way to start a turf war, and there was no way I'd be around often enough to defend this family._   
_"You know how to contact me if you need anythin', alright?"_   
_She nodded. I moved away, and her hand caught my arm. "Thank you."_   
_I nodded, tilting my head to her. "Take care, ma'am."_   
_I moved to the bikers. I was bigger than they were, but they didn't act like it. "Boys."_   
_" Deadeye McCree," the shit said. He grinned at Maria. "He's scary, ain't he? Heheheh. Was I interruptin' something? That looked real romantic..."_   
_It was all I could do to get in my truck and drive away. The temptation to hit their bikes was almost insurmountable, but I sped down the road before I could indulge the thought._

I squeezed my fingers in his. "...I mean it when I say she's family. And I try to send her what I can, but... They just gobble it up. And it kills me, because I love her to death, and I want to do right by her. But not... you know. Like us."

Hanzo watched me, his eyes patient. Listening. "Why did you never say?"

I shrugged weakly. "It's... Not a pleasant thing to talk about. I mean, where I come from, we're poor as _dirt_. Farmers are up to their necks in debt just to buy seed, and one bad harvest can ruin a whole family. One in five is unemployed, gangs everywhere to 'keep the peace', and if you don't sign up to a gang, you have to pay one for protection. Membership had its perks, but it also had its responsibilities. Yeah, you didn't go hungry. You could always knock on someone's door and expect them to feed you just because he wore a skin. We could walk out of the grocery store with three carts of free food at the grocer's expense because it was less expensive than being on our bad side. But there was always shootings and killings... Most of the cops were on a payroll. Justice didn't mean _shit_. I mean, you grew up in Yakuza, but you were _royalty_. We were peasants." I move, sitting up, and I couldn't bear him looking at me with that pity in his eyes. Even if it hurt to move... All that gyrating and such felt good in the moment, and the burning pain added to the pleasure. But now it just ached, and I touched a hand to my side.

I felt him more than heard him move. His hands and face at my back. "Is that why you never take me?"

"Hell yeah, that's why I never took you," I answered. "That place is a shit hole. Godforsaken waste of effort, trying to keep a city alive in the middle of the desert. It's wilderness out there. Wild animals rovin' the streets... Shit, you don't even know what a javelina _is_ , much less what it's like to see one of those fuckers chasing your bike down the road, or waking up one morning to a pack of them eating your Halloween pumpkins. To say nothing of rattlers, tarantula, lizards fucking everywhere. Everyone in the world has bed bugs off and on. Summers that bake you like crackers, and winter nights where you have to leave the sink on to drip or your pipes freeze." I breathed it out. "I watched westerns hoping for a better life. They were just as wretched a wasteland as what I grew up with, but at least Clint Eastwood would come to town, shoot every last one of those mother fuckers, and then waltz out of town to the next one with a girl on his arm." I shook my head. "My dad was ex-Air Force. A drunk. Bought me a beebee gun when I was 8, and my momma asked me to shoot cats in the next neighborhood over for dinner. And I _did it_ , thank you. I didn't ask questions. It's just the way shit was." I breathed again. I put a hand over my shoulder, and his fingers slipped inside of mine. "I don't want you to know that place. I'd love to just... take you to Mexico. Enjoy the sea. And the food and the music. You don't want to be in the desert, I promise you."

His hand moved to my neck, squeezing. And down to my shoulders, where I could feel how tense and tight I was, even after all that. He squeezed my fingers and I let go so he could give me a proper massage.

"Jesse-san," he whispered. "I... May be royalty, as you say. But... We had that pressure too. It was not enjoyable for me to stand there and take and take and take. Just like you, I had no choice in the matter."

_"Rent time! Boss is here, don't make me look bad!"_   
_I stepped in, mask in place. The jeweler kept bowing and apologizing. He never looked me in his eye. He proffered a roll of cash, tied with a rubber band and my 'associate' took it to me._   
_"He was short last time," I said._   
_He thanked me, and took out the roll to count out the money in front of both of us. The jeweler kept his head down, but I could see the strain of worry on his neck._   
_I could not help but notice how many small bills were in and how long it took to count. It was excruciating. When he finished counting and announced it was the right amount, the jeweler thanked us again, and bid us a good day._   
_I took the money, looking at the morning sun in the sky, and prayed for patience. It would be a long day._

"It... is not the same. I did not hunt for my dinner. I spent my days in school and afternoons training. Evenings were spent wining and dining people in the Clan. I was first born. I was expected to carry on the legacy. To uphold family honor..." His fingers played in my hair, and the thought of sleep came to me again. "It led to me fighting my own brother. I was asked to fight more than once. So I understand that part well enough. And I spent some time on the road, living off of very little. I understand how hard that is." His fingers tugged at my ears, and I smiled. "But I cannot imagine doing that with two children. Especially when they are not your own." His hands rested on my shoulders, and he gave a kiss to the back of my neck, the bristles of his beard making me shiver. "You are a good man, Jesse McCree."

I scoffed. "You keep sayin' shit like that." I look over my shoulder. "Sayin' it over and over again won't make it true."

He pinched my hip. "Ow!"

"That is my cowboy you are talking about," he growled. "He risks his life working double time and triple time to pay for someone else's wife. On top of me. Overwatch training and more. And yet you say he is not a good man. I will fight you on that."

"Aw, shucks. You say the nicest things."

He leans over my shoulder, an arm wrapping around me, and we share another kiss.

"I love you, Jesse," he says.

My heart races. "I love you too, baby."

And then suddenly there is a knock at the door.

"Jesse? Hanzo? Are you two decent?"

Hanzo is out of bed in a flash to fetch two shirts from my suitcase. I stifle a laugh as he throws one at me and shrugs on another, hopping back behind me.

"Quick! Blankets!" he whispers, tucking the sheets up to his hip.

"Mostly decent," I drawl, putting it over my shoulders, wincing. "You can come in."

Hanzo hurriedly buttons up my shirt, and I eye him with a hungry expression. He is about finished when he sees, and gives me that stupid grin again.

"I swear to god, boy..." I growl, and turn as Ana peeks around, a big plastic bag in hand.

"Hello! I got take out. No matter where you go... You can find Chinese."

"Except in China," I replied. "Their Chinese is totally different." I feel Hanzo's face hit my arm and I grin.

"'Your Catonese is very good'," he says.

"'But all my vocabulary comes from a take out menu'." We both laugh, drunk on each other. Sombra looks at us funny, and I see her eyes wander, frowning, and then widen as she averts her gaze.

"Drink it up, sweetheart." I give her a wink. Beside me, Hanzo is hugging my arm, and giving it kisses.

"Are you going to leave that open?" Ana asks me, gesturing to my still bare chest.

"I'm thinkin' about it." Hanzo mutters something that I want to say means 'impossible man' (or maybe 'what will I do with you?'), and he starts to button it for me. I smile at him, and he hides his face, blushing. "You're really cute, you know that?"

" _Stop_ ," he hissed. But there's no force behind it.

Ana hands Sombra her food, and offers me another. "Tso's for you. Extra spicy."

"Well, thank ye kindly."

"I... Did not know what you want," Ana apologizes, looking to Hanzo. "We texted, but... Nobody answered."

I looked about, and didn't see a phone anywhere. "Hmm. Have to find it later."

He chided me in Japanese again, and pinched my arm. I complained right back, a whine in my throat. Sombra rolled her eyes.

"Well, I got you sesame chicken. I do not know how spicy theirs is, but... I figured ordering you sweet and sour chicken is a bit too much for a child."

"Thank you," he said, nodding to her.

"Actually. You should totally come over and have some of Hanzo's cooking some time. He puts in enough chili peppers to kill a horse. It's the best."

He shook his head. "No, that's not true."

I nodded, mouth full of Chinese and winked. Ana hummed, amused, as she picked at her own food.

"You two had fun then?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Last fuck. Last meal. I'm ready to face Gabriel! He shoots me, I die a happy man."

Hanzo growled in his throat. "Do not joke about such things."

Neither Ana nor Sombra corrected him.

"...Still. It does my heart good to see you two so happy. This one..." she pointed her chopsticks at Hanzo. "He likes to mope around the watch tower when you're not home. Rest of the time we never see him! But if McCree is out of town, he's there for dinner every night. Drinks with Lucio, Go with Hana, target practise with Lena..."

I looked to him. "You do target practise with Lena?"

He shrugs. "It is better than being alone. Everyone else is too quiet."

"HA!" Sombra barks, and giggles over her food. "He is such a chatterbox though, right?"

My Hanzo gives a wicked grin. "I can't even stay home alone anymore. The house resounds with silence." He looks to me. "This one is always chattering. Or singing. Or joking. Watching TV..."

"Telling you you're amazing and I love you and yer face is pretty..."

"...And getting on my nerves." He pinched me again, and I complained right back.

"Oh my god, you two," Sombra moaned. "That's so weird."

"Don't act like you don't know what's goin' on," I said, pointing chopsticks at her and looping an arm (OW) over my Hanzo. "It's true love, damn it! You can't get this shit in stores!"

"If I did, I would return it."

"Oh, come on, now!"

Ana giggled over her food. "You two are going to make me choke."

"Alright, you heard the lady, Han. Stop lookin' so cute."

"Aya!" This time he pinched lower, on my ass, and my 'ow!' was more high pitched.

"You stop that!" I said, slapping his knee. "I got more than enough hurt on, and yer gonna take what little white I got left and make it red."

And then his eyes got dark and he turned away from me to hide his blush.

"...Oh, now that's just not fair."

" _Dios mio_ ," Sombra muttered. And then I heard a familiar sound. I whipped back at her.

"HEY! What did you just do?"

"I took a picture of your bare lily ass and his to send to his brother." Hanzo stared at her in horror, but she grinned devilishly. "...And Gabriel. Because I refuse to suffer alone."

...I knew that would only piss Gabriel off more, and I swallowed. "Well... Just don't send it to Amelie. You know she won't find that funny."

"Oh, I know. Learned that one already."

Suddenly I was having a lot less fun. I liked it when we were in limbo about Gabriel knowing where I was. He ordered me to base. And instead I went to my boyfriend and got laid. He wouldn't take kindly to that.

I looked down at my food and tasted it. No... It still tasted amazing. Being a hungry man and all. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hanzo watching me. His eyes were worried. I gave him a smile and reached over to kiss his cheek.

He complained, and wiped the kiss off. "Jesse, you have sticky chicken kisses."

"Well it's a good thing we did that first, huh?"

"Incorrigible."

But he scooted closer so our thighs were touching. I loved having him so close, even for something as silly as eating Chinese. Sombra was still on her phone and let out a low chuckle.

"Oh, Gabriel is pissed."

I poked at my food. "I figured he would be."

Her eyes widened. "Oooohhh... He said you were told to come to base."

"I was," I replied. Hanzo stared at me and I ate.

"You're in trouble, _caballero_."

"I'm aware."

"To be fair, your face looks like shit," Hanzo said, trying to be helpful.

"Not shitty enough to keep you from bein' on me like white on this rice right here," I teased.

"Bah," he said. "I didn't look at your face. That's why you're behind."

This time Ana _does_  choke on her food.

" _Dios mio_ , you killed _la vieja_."

Ana flipped her off as she coughed. " _Vieja_ , my ass."

I snicker as Hanzo gets a contemplative look. And he leans to me.

" _Como se dice 'vieja' en ingles?_ "

"Oooold," I say, letting it ring long. Ana moves the finger to me.

"[I will kick your ass, little boy.]"

I blow her a kiss.

"Aha. Sure. Whatever."

"I mean it, though."

"Kiss your boyfriend. Not me."

"Okay." I turned to my Hanzo, and he is giving me that 'you're not serious' look, but that goofy smile is on his lips. I lean closer. "I'mma kiss it off."

He rolls his eyes and kisses me anyway, but a short one before he stuffs his face with food, and gives me an 'innocent' look with those eyes that burn with mischief.

I sigh, looking around at all of them. "God, I love my life. So many men would be jealous to be me. Although... Most would switch you two," I said, gesturing to Hanzo and Sombra. She pulled a face. "But that's their loss."

Ana gasped, hand to her breast. "What about me?"

I blink at her. "I'm not touchin' that. It spanks me."

Hanzo snorts, and leans to my ear. " _Yeah, but I do, too_."

I lean over to whisper back, " _Yeah, but you make it fun._ "

And then there's that stupid smile again. I grab him by the jaw in one hand and growl in frustration. "ANA, LOOK AT THIS FACE. Isn't that a cute face? I could just kiss that stupid smile off of his cute, stupid face."

"It's a very handsome face, dear," she says.

And Hanzo makes like he's going to bite me so I let go.

"You laugh now. You missed all the embarassing stories they were telling me the last two days."

I drop my jaw. "What? ANA. Betrayer!"

"Oh... Something about a black sombrero for Dia De Los Muertos..."

I laugh. "You still remember that?"

"Or the time you taught Genji how to curse at Gabriel..."

"We had to tell him what that meant," Hanzo added.

"Oh god..."

"Oh, ibn, I started pulling out your baby pictures, it was great."

"Ana. There's a very special place in hell for you."

"Yes. It's a throne!" She gestured broadly, like a queen.

"With a nice view of the lake of fire," I added, taking another bite.

"...Oh! And here's Genji." Sombra frowned at her phone. "I can't kanji. What is he about?"

Hanzo fussed. "Give here."

She was reluctant, but tossed it to him. I watched him read, eyes flickering across. And they widened, his jaw dropping.

That wasn't a good look. "What?"

He looked up at me. "He says they're on their way here. He's been tracking Sombra's phone and he is coming now. He has been trying to warn me in text, but I wasn't answering."

All of us shared a look.

"Well, shit." I set my food down. "Don't look, ladies... Unless you really want to."


	12. Repurcussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...I want to trust you. That this was all a mistake. I will be on your side. But..." What do I say to him? "...I do not know what else it is I want to say."  
> His eyes shine, but there is pain in them. "Then let me."  
> He moved forward, and our lips touched. I kissed him, tender and maybe a little trembling, but his lips were sure, and solid. He parts, sighing against my lips. "...I am sorry. For everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanglish galore! My boricuan side is showing.

"Don't look, ladies. Unless you really want to."

I know I looked. Ana turned dutifully to a window, eating her food. Sombra made a sound of childish disgust and buried herself under a pillow. My love smirked, amused. He took an extra moment to steal a kiss (he likes to do that) before he rises from the bed, blanket off, all hair legs and just barely concealed manhood. When he bends over, however, it is _quite_  visible.

My eyes go dark again. When he rises, my clothes in hand to toss to me, he sees the expression in my eyes and stops.

He makes a pouting expression, because I know part of him really wants to come over here and make something of it. I can tell by the way he keeps looking back at me as he rifles through his suitcase.

I slide my pants under the sheet to help with modesty. I spy Sombra peeking an eye at me, but I do not entertain her. My eyes are for him, as he slides himself into a pair of jeans. Dark blue Wranglers, with brown stitching over the back pockets. These ones are some of my favourites, so nice to grab...

"I swear, it's like I can hear you thinkin' all the way over here, and it's unsettlin'," he says quietly. "Keep that nastiness to yourself, Shimada. God damn."

I heard Ana giggle, and I rose up on the bed, feet squeaking.

"I do not know what you mean, cowboy." I hopped off, light as a feather beside him. I watched him add a white tee over black underarmour. I had the thought it would be fun to peel off him later, but it means his chest hair is hidden from me until then. I will miss the chance to toy with it.

He smirked, his eyes as dark as mine. "You know."

"Are you decent yet?" came a muffled Sombra.

McCree chuckled, tucking it all underneath his waistline. I wanted my hands to be under his... "You wanna find out?"

Ana turned back to us, eyes glittering, but Sombra hesitated a long minute before she checked. By which point he was grinning at her and putting his shirt back on, properly buttoning it this time.

She scoffed, throwing the pillow at him. He laughed, just catching it and tossing it back.

I almost felt like it should be silly, me standing so close to him just for the sake that I could, but I did it anyway. He was within my arms reach, and I could lean forward and hug him if I wanted to. Instead I watched mismatched hands pull at his belt... His groin. The squeak of leather and denim. He finished sliding the end through the loops and cleared his throat.

I looked up at those eyes, and one brow quirked.

"I can hear ya," he said again. "I hear ya loud and clear."

I gave him a mischievous smile, eyes thin slits. "I do not know what you mean," I said again. This was a familiar conversation.

"Mm-hmm." He put his hat on his head, and a knuckle tapped at the bottom of my chin. "Yer a troublesome one."

"Oh, just kiss him already," Ana teased, enjoying the show.

He leaned around me, jaw open in mock surprise. "Jesus, Mama! Indecent!"

She snorted. "I'm not your mama." I looked back at her over my shoulder, and watched her wiggle her eyebrows at him.

" _Wildness_ ," he whispered. He moved to where his spurrs where waiting, and started to pull them on. "Gabriel is gonna be here any second. And... if you don't mind." He looked to Sombra. "I actually paid for this room out of my _own_ money, and I do not want it compromised. Let's try to get out of here and meet somewhere not close, alright?"

He did not take the remains of his food. I tried not to let that trouble me as I put it (and mine) into the fridge. I've seen him grab a double Whopper with cheese from a bag in our room and have it disappear before we made it down four flights to the debriefing room. He could _inhale_  food. And after our activities...

He checked his gun - the shiny stock pistol he had pulled on Sombra earlier, that I did not recognise - and he slid it in the back of his pants with the safety on, dropping the red plaid over it. It makes a noticeable shape to warn off those who know what to look for, but the pattern would hide it from those who are not looking. He pulls on a jacket, worn old dark cow leather and wool collar. I try not to think of how many times I had stolen that coat for grocery runs just because I could, and he was at the watch tower with his standard issue one.

I shrug on my jacket, my own piece hidden. Ana swallowed the last bit she could, and put her container with the rest of his trash. Sombra was already in the hall.

I move to follow, and he grabs me by the edge of my jacket. I look to him with a question in my eyes.

He has a look in his eyes that I do not like.

"Whatever happens down there... I want you to know that I love you. Alright?"

My heart clenched. "Jesse-san. Do not say such things. You speak as if you are ready to die. I do not like it."

His smile is wry. "With Gabriel Reyes, you have to be."

I considered that a moment, my fingers going around his wrist. "...I want to trust you. That this was all a mistake. I will be on your side. But..." What do I say to him? "...I do not know what else it is I want to say."

His eyes shine, but there is pain in them. "Then let me."

He moved forward, and our lips touched. I kissed him, tender and maybe a little trembling, but his lips were sure, and solid. He parts, sighing against my lips. "...I am sorry. For everything."

I search his eyes, as I watch him look away from me, and I watch him close down. The no-nonsense commander of battle simulations and training sessions. He comes forward, tucking his hat in a gesture I know now is one of anxiousness, and I ghost behind him.

Sombra's phone rings as he locks the door, and I can not bring myself to look at him.

" _Si, senor?_ " she answers. McCree pockets his card and touches at Ana's hip as he moves around her. I see her turn out of the corner of my eye, and they embrace, tight and long.

"Yeah, we're still here." They murmur something to each other, but I do not care to listen to what it is. "Yes, _jefe_."

And she moves to glance at McCree, but catches my cold eyes, watching her. "...No, he doesn't. But... He has something."

McCree turns to her at that. "If that fuck thinks he can catch me unarmed, he doesn't know me very well." His hand goes to the back of his jeans, tucking a thumb in a belt loop.

" _Mira_ , we'll meet you in the lobby, _oca?_ You have everyone staring at me."

It looks like she wants to hang up on him, but doesn't dare. Jesse starts to make his way down the stairs, Ana following him. Sombra watches me, but I do not move.

"Okay. Bye." She hits the button, and purses her lips. But she goes down the stairs.

I try not to take comfort in her nervousness. This girl has yet to really see me in battle. She does not know what I am capable of. That's the blessed trademark of doing what I do - if I do it right, you never know I exist. I am anonymous. A ghost on the roofs, an overlord that deals vengeance and doom on those below him. She keeps her phone on hand, her thumb itching, but she keeps peeking over her shoulder at me.

Still, I watch her.

We make our ways downstairs, the jang-jang-jangle of his spurs so off-putting in their misplaced merriment. I feel like anyone could hear us coming a mile away, and he doesn't seem to care. All big brown hat and singing shoes and his bigness. The face I love all beat and bruised, and a cut for good measure. I know he'll be sore for a while, and I can not wait to take him home and massage and kiss all of his worries away. To just leave him in bed at home until the hurt is gone. Wash it away if I could. We twist until we hit the bottom, and I try not to remember the corner where I found him, broken and beaten. We march, Ana moving to walk alongside my cowboy, her frame tiny and so humble next to him. I watch him put a protective hand on her shoulders, and she moves closer.

I recognise that I am not jealous about him doing so. I think I have spent enough time with Ana now to know she means no competition to my cowboy. Some people still make me nervous, but she is not one. I remind myself again that I should spend more time getting to know the woman who means so much to my cowboy.

Sombra puts her phone away, her head down. She has stopped looking back at me, as we breach the lobby.

I sweep the room, but I do not (obviously) see a dark figure in a black robe and a skull for a face. Nor do I see the purples of Widowmaker. And yet, I watch Jesse, Ana and Sombra make a beeline to one side of the room. I see there, a man who looks ill. The pale skin and red eyes of someone struggling with disease, but his eyes are dark and cold and strong and hard, and they are on me, a sneer on his lip. Next to him is a woman, who I recognise despite the wig.

"Had time for a meal and a good time, eh?" he growls, and I recognise that voice, raspy and cruel.

Jesse drops like a load of bricks, and masks a grimace of pain. "Hey, I got _jumped_." He smirks. "Sorry. I got _pinched_. And tortured for a few days. Just a little, but still. It makes a man homesick." He keeps his hands on his knees, in sight. "But I also got jumped."

Ana sits beside him, and Sombra moves to the other side, closer to Reaper. Widowmaker looks like she definitely has somewhere else she would rather be. I stand behind Ana and Jesse, my hands nervous on the back of the plush sofas. We are in public, and yet I do not take comfort in it. I do not trust that Reaper and Widowmaker may be inconvenienced by collateral damage.

"What the fuck happened?" he growled.

"Well..." He looked down at the table, and he plays with his hat. "I had made contact with our target. Vague, not helpful information. Basically said I was a professional hired by their enemies to take out someone in their organization. Gave them a chance to make a better offer. Or make arrangements."

"So you were double crossing me," he answered. His hands are woven together in his lap. Black denim skinny jeans that made it obvious how thin he was. He looked like _death_.

"It was only an offer. Most people laugh at me. Others cuss at me to get the fuck out of their house. If they thank me, it tells me I really shouldn't pull that trigger."

"Like in Moscow?"

I didn't have to see his face to know it was blank. "You always say we should make preparations. And to never trust the client. When I work privately, I hold the same philosophy. But I find that giving the target a chance to play their hand makes the game a little more fair."

Reyes leaned forward. " _My_ game."

"In which no one holds you accountable," he said evenly. "It's a way to keep myself in check. I'm Overwatch. I'm here to protect innocents, not slaughter their heroes. That's your job."

The people around us do not seem to know the powder kegs sitting in their midst. For that, I am grateful for the ignorance of the average man.

"...You didn't have issues with this before."

"Of course I did. That's why I always double check the other side. I've been doing it for years. Ever since that bullshit with Jack in London, I don't take anything you say at face value." This time he leaned forward, his head tilting to one side so I could see his unkind smile. "Never trust your clients, right?"

There is a cruel, but unamused twist to Reaper's lips. "I don't need a gun to kill you, Jesse. You know that. Or these two." He thumbs to Sombra and Widowmaker. They do not seem to find this a new thing.

I look down at Ana, who is still watching him with focused eyes. It is not new to her either.

"And yet, I'm still here," he says, though it does not have the confidence and swagger that is his norm. "If you wanted me dead, you'd have killed me already. When your party is full of mercenaries, a little double dealing is par for the course. Don't tell me Widowmaker isn't lining her own nest egg somewhere. Sombra is smart enough to disobey you on occasion. And we're Overwatch operatives, as well. Every time I go home there's a chance I'm telling everyone all about your little operation here. And yet nothing happens. Because that's the arrangement. Jack lets you borrow us, we don't talk, everyone goes home and gets paid for it."

" _Usually_ ," he agrees. "That's not a given."

"Well, we have to live through it and get paid by the client for a job well done, sure," he says. "Moscow ended up working out just fine, way I remember it."

Reaper's fingers tap at the end of the couch. "I don't remember it that way."

Jesse leans back, and my fingers long to touch him... "No one died. Package was still retrieved, albeit not in its entirety. Orphans got their meds, bad guys got their drugs. Just didn't happen in the order they wanted. Everyone was happy. We got paid and we all went home."

I looked to him.

Reaper's eyes narrowed. "...After 20 years, you're still a bleeding heart. How on earth can that be? You started younger than I did."

He smirked. "Because I got a grandmaw or five who taught me better." He slapped a gentle hand on Ana's knee. I saw her duck her head in a smile.

Even Reyes rolled his eyes. "You're going to get yourself killed one of these days."

"One of 'em," he agreed. "Still. You got your kill. Amelie steals my bonus, I got some broken bones for my trouble. And next time you need a gunman somewhere that's below zero, I'm sure you'll make sure I'm there to freeze my ass off."

Reyes crossed his arms. "I can't trust you, McCree."

"You never could trust me."

"Oh, but now I _can't_. Now I hear you're having... blackouts? Memory lapses? Hypnotherapy? I know there's a good reason you didn't tell me that."

I watched him tense, leaning forward. "Because no one needed to know about it. I ain't had none of that. Ain't never once compromised my work, or I wouldn't be in the field, you believe me. Ziegler was watching everything. If this was mentioned, it's because she was worried about me. She's a damned doctor. She worries over everyone. It's her damned job."

Gabriel snorted, shaking his head. "You are a stubborn man. Someone can cut your damned arm off and you still want to fight."

I watched him curl in on himself, his voice low and dangerous. Black fury. "Damned straight. And fuck you, I can shoot just as fast as I could before, and better. Hell, I can double fist them if you really want me to. Don't test me."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. Don't play pissing contest with me, boy. I'll still kill you yet. One day, when you finally piss me off."

It felt childish. I knew this conversation, I grew up with it. A higher ranking lord resorting to threats to keep a stronger, younger man from overpowering him. The younger man fighting back to keep face. Both of them reacting out of trained response. I tugged on the back of his hat.

He turned at me, his eyes full of alarm, his lips in a tight line. I met his eyes, but there was no chide in them. He searched, brows furrowing, but I looked to Reyes. "We found your idiot. Can we take him home now?"

Jesse turned back, but I knew he was rolling his eyes at me, a frustrated sigh on his lips.

Reaper regarded me, his eyes hard. I know he does not like me. He disapproves of me being here at all. But his eyes go back to Jesse, who at least held his tongue. Knowing him... Knowing that my tiny little tug does a better job of keeping him in line than any threat or punishment in the world. Jesse McCree had one hell of a tongue on him, and he liked to use it. Not always for good things.

"He's your idiot now." Reaper stood. Sombra did as well, and Widowmaker with her. "I'll send what gear you have here back to the usual place. And if you can afford _this_  place..." Gabriel looked around at the lobby. "Well. I think you can afford your own transport home, eh, McCree?"

He did not like that, but he nodded. "That sounds fair."

He turned to leave. "Sorry for wasting your time, Amari."

"We still get the usual fee?" she asked.

Reyes stopped, turning over her shoulder. "You'll get paid." And he looked to me. "This one, too. Shimada is clearing your quarters. He'll be the go between. Naturally, I expect all of this to stay off the record."

"Of course, sir," she answered. I watched one of her hands worm into Jesse's, who stayed quiet. I wondered how hard he was biting on his tongue.

Reaper kept on, hands going to his pockets, looking like a bored tourist, or perhaps a dying man on a last disappointing vacation, and followed the other two operatives out of the lobby.

Jesse let out a deep breath, taking his hat off. "God damn."

Ana straightened, tossing her hair from her face. "Jesse, can I say something?"

"Yeah?"

He turned to her, and with a snake's speed, she slapped him across the face, good and hard.

"OW!" He put a hand to where she struck, pain in his eyes.

Ana started cursing at him in her own tongue, loud and obvious. I touched a hand to my mouth, watching him bow before her, before she slammed a fist on his head, to more protests.

I know it was cruel of me to laugh, especially when she dragged him up by an ear so she could stop on his foot as well, but it was perfectly wonderful to watch my hulk of a beast lover get chewed out by a little lady half his size like a vengeful grandmother. The boy who was watching the safe decidedly did not intervene as she continued growling condemnations at him as he fetched my lover's antique pistols, and if he looked to me, I just smiled, arms crossed.

 _You're not gonna help me?_  his eyes asked me.

I shook my head. _Nope_.

He more than earned it.


	13. Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just what it says on the tin?

We clear off the other bed and let Ana use it when we stay for the night. My brother does not need sleep, so he is going to venture on without us and meet us back at the watchtower. We fetch the fool some ointment and pain killers, and Ana even finds some makeup for our journey onward, to avoid watchful eyes. We order pizza and watch terrible kung fu that is subtitled in German, so there isn't much to be gathered from it.

I rest my back against the wall and he curls around my knee, head and pillow in my lap. We speak, gently, sometimes a rumble of laughter in his chest that catches me by the heart strings, but for the most part it is quiet and restful. It doesn't take long for my fingers to ease him into sleep, and Ana gratefully commandeers the tv. We find a cooking show, which is much easier to follow without knowing the native language.

There's an undignified moment where he snorts loudly, and we both look to him. His muscles twitch in sleeping action, and I card my claws through his hair again. He growls softly, more like a hulking dog than a man, endearing and foolish. He quiets, body stilling. I look over to Ana, who is chewing on a pizza crust thoughtfully.

My eyes ask a question, and she smiles. "...The blackouts. Do they happen often?"

I shook my head. "They only happened a couple times. And even then, not last long. He would be tired, half-awake. Would not remember it later. Like a strange dream." I touched my fingers to the beautiful lines of his face. He looked so innocent and peaceful when he slept. More like the goofball man I love and less like the hardened killer I know he is.

She watched him as well. "I've never seen him do it... But then, I knew him from back then."

My heart twisted. "Maybe... is just me?" I looked to her.

Her eyes met mine, and the twinge of sadness... I wonder what my face looked like. "Maybe. But you two have such a wonderful relationship... Even if he was confused for a little while, I am sure he would remember you, of all people. I mean... He's just confused. I can't imagine he'd forget you entirely. Not the way you two are..."

I nod, looking down at him again. His lips are parted, and he is probably drooling on the pillow. One hand is limp over my legs, the other tucked underneath him. I frown, remembering the conversation with Genji... "Ana... Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"...His arm. What happened?"

She tightened, holding herself. She shut off the tv, and turned on the lamp, and her face..

She looked so old. So worn, and heartbroken. I braced myself, a hand on my lover's arm.

"We were... In Checnya, I think. Maybe Austria, I don't remember. It was in the Blackwatch days. We were fighting, a get-away, I think. Someone had the package, and we were trying to get to the rendezvous point. Jesse was being... wild cowboy. Shooting left right center, hiding behind doors to reload, take another batch out... He was using a standard pistol at the time, not his revolvers."

 _" You have bogeys at 7 and 830."  
_ _Jesse turned, taking them out, but he was too in the_ open _.  
_ _"McCree, get over here to cover!"  
_ _He dove towards me, rolling, and as he stopped, a fresh clip clicked into the gun. He was still too_ far _.  
_ _"Damn you, get over here!" I called over the head set.  
_ _" Got another one at 230."  
_ _I watched him roll behind a wall, chest heaving in an inhale, and then out as he flipped around the cover to take out another.  
_ _"[If you do not get your ass over here I will skewer you and eat you for dinner!]" I curse at him.  
_ _I see his stupid grin look over at me from the corner." Yer makin' me hungry, Ana."  
_ _" 4 o'clock!"  
_ _He turned for the shot, and I heard another go off, and he dodges enough to get grazed and let out a bite of pain.  
_ _"[Idiot!] You're going to get yourself killed! Get over here!"  
_ _He waits for another shot, and then rises to take out the sniper. When he goes down again, he looks over at me, still not moved, and frowns. He taps a finger to his ear. " Ana, aren't you supposed to be guarding that package?"  
_ _"I'm supposed to keep my crew alive! Your dumb ass included!"  
_ _" Why aren't you on _point _? " growls Reaper over our ears.  
_ _"Because McCree won't get his fat face out of the open!"  
_ _I watched him race towards me, and skid into my cover.  
_ _"Damn it, Ana, I can't cover you if you don't move, go!"  
_ _"[I'm going to kick your ass when we get home.]"  
_ _"Enough sweet talk, move it."  
_ _I moved forward, Tracer blinking ahead of me, and Genji flashed past us  
_ _"We need to_ move _," he urged me.  
_ _I looked back and McCree was still firing. We moved the package another two buildings, and then we hit a road.  
_ _"Shit," I whispered. "Genji, help me out here."  
_ _" It doesn't look good."  
_ _" I'm about to fly down this thing westward. You better be ready to fucking move," Reyes growled over the speaker._  
 _"McCree!" I called. "Move your ass!"_  
 _I could hear the jang-jang-jang-jang of his boots as he moved towards us._  
 _A barrage of gunfire came from the east, and I watched as our bird flew down the street, peppering gunfire and taking it. As soon as he was over, I ran with our girl - our package - across the way._  
 _"I'm clear!" I called. And then I looked back._

"...Bastard got left behind. Too much fire keeping him pinned, he had a hard time moving... He got stuck on the wrong end of a street, the last man out."

_"McCree!" I cried. "What are you doing?!"_   
_"I'm coverin' yer ass!" I watched him take out a man to the East, just his head and arm poking out the side of the wall before he rolled back._   
_"You're gonna get yourself killed!"_   
_" Alright, guys. Next street, we got bogeys at 3--"_   
_Tracer was on it, and they moved the girl ahead. I was watching him get frustrated, watching him get scare. He glanced over and saw me still waiting._   
_"Ana, get the fuck out of here!"_   
_"Don't you go cowboy on me, McCree!" I called after him. "We got out of here together!"_   
_" I got the package!" Reaper announced, the girl safely aboard, and her master's life's work._   
_"McCree, let's go!"_   
_" You two better stop fucking around out there and get to the rendezvous! We're leaving!"_

"He'd been pinned there too long, the rest of the party already boarding and ready to leave and it was just the two of us. I saw an Omnic come around the corner to the west..."

 _I saw a flash of silver, and looked the other way, eyes wide as an Omnic stepped out into the open, a blaster aiming right at him._  
 _"JESSE, LOOK OUT!"_  
 _He had a bare second to register, eyes wide and looking back, rifle fire already released. I tossed a smoke bomb and dashed out, aiming for his gleaming red eyes, and blasted him. The bucket of bolts crashed, and I crossed to McCree_  
 _He had hit the ground, and there was so much blood... I thought he was_ dead _. He lay there, gaping, lips parted... He stared at me._  
He's in shock _, I told myself. And I realised... his left hand was_ gone _._  
 _He started to sit up, and I jumped him, pressing him back._  
 _"Don't you move," I warned him. "Don't you look, don't you move. You shut yer damn eyes."_  
 _I quickly took off my cloak, and then my shirt._  
 _" Report!" Reyes called out to me._  
 _I tapped my comms as I wrapped him in a shirt. "I have a man down here. Get Doom. Ready a bed."_  
 _" Damn it, Amari, if he fell--"_  
 _"He's down, he's not fell!" I retort, knowing the difference between a fallen man and one that was down, I wasn't some rookie who didn't know her code words. I tap it off. "Jesse, baby, I need you to listen to me." I moved his hand over the cloth. "I need you to squeeze."_  
 _His fingers squeeze, and he lets out a high pitched groan of pain._  
 _I see Doomfist at the other end, and Tracer blinking about._  
 _"...GO!" she calls._  
 _He runs for the opening, and though there is fire, and one gets him, he takes it. He slides to a rough stop beside me._  
 _His eyes are worried, but I'm just wrapping his arm the more. "Get him out of here."_

"...We had to carry him out of there like a damned babe, I wouldn't leave him. Damned Omnic blasted off his left hand, half way down the forearm. Ziegler did what she could, but... It was just gone." He looked down at her hands. "It took him a long time to get right again. And even then..." She gave a sad smile, and wiped away a tear. "You know something crazy?" She looked up at me. "I think... You're the first real relationship he's had since then. I mean... He kept in touch, even after Overwatch disbanded. We would even work together on a rare ocassion. And we talk, you know? But... He never had someone." She looked to him. "Losing that arm meant a lot to him. He'd been shooting for a living for long enough to think his world was lost when he lost that hand." She sighed. "He spent years training his right to be good. I mean, he still had a good eye and instinct, and he'd always dabbled in a double-guns method anyway, so it wasn't really a surprise when the right got to be good. Probably even better than he'd been before. But he'll never accept that."

My eyes watched his face, and I frowned. I listened to his breathing, and I smiled. I tapped a finger to my lips.

She raised a brow. I leaned over him. "Don't tell him I said so... But I think the metal arm thing is actually really sexy."

I saw his lips twitch in a smile, and she clapped her hands to her lips in surprise. She said something in her own tongue, and his face twisted.

"...Sneaky man," I said, as he fluttered his eyes open with a sigh. He squeezed my leg.

"Y'all talk about me like I'm not even here," he said, voice rough and dark with sleep.

"How long have you been listening?" she asked, a mother's disapproval.

He turned over, stretching his back, propped up on his arms, letting out pained groans... And then he lowered himself onto the bed again, hands clutching his arms. "Mm. Depends. How long were you talkin' 'bout me for?"

She growls and grabs a pillow. He laughs and he catches it. He hums, moving it aside. He looks up at me with sad eyes. "Hey, you."

"Hey, cowboy," I answer.

He beckons me with a crooked finger. I obey, leaning down, and we share a kiss. His fingers tug at my beard, and I smile.

"Yer just the handsomest thing in the world, ya know that?" he whispered.

I shrug. "You say these things."

"I do." He tilts his head up to her as he lets me go. "Wild question, Ana. If we were to get married, would you rather be my Matron of Honor or my Best Man?"

She nearly chokes on her drink. "Ha! What kind of question is that?"

"I'll rephrase. Which one of us is prettier in a dress, me or Hanzo?"

"Jesse-san," I warn. "I would not marry you if you were wearing a dress. You would look ridiculous."

"Ya sure?" He looks up at me, teasing fingers at his chest. "You wouldn't want me in somethin' with a low collar, showin' off all my man hair? Bounty of blessings? I mean, neither of us got tits, those are the best goods we got. Sides, everyone's seen yours already."

I reach down a hand to pinch at his arm, which is tricky to do because most of it is covered in bruises. "You..."

He looked back up at her. "Not that we've decided on anything yet. But I'm hopin' for a Mexican honeymoon."

"You could do it at one of the watchpoints, everyone could come."

"Yeah, but everyone would _come_ ," he answered, as if that was the worst.

I laughed to myself. "How about New York Christmas wedding?"

He looked up at me and pointed a finger. "Don't you even joke about shit like that. Ain't no way in hell there's gonna be snow at my wedding."

I wave a hand, as if to picture it. "Phoenix in the summer..."

"See, now you're just going from one extreme to the other. Next you're going to say Burning Man, and only three people will come."

Ana giggles. "I'll be one of those three! I am sand people, I can do it."

I tease my fingers into that chest hair he mentioned, and he smiles. "There is always Japan."

"Japan is always pretty... Sushi at the reception would be hella nice."

I laugh.

"Oh my word... You got him to like sushi?" Ana says. "I tried for YEARS. He was hopeless!"

He looked at her with a glare. "Tamagoyaki is sushi! So is Volcano roll and other stuff that ain't just a piece of fish."

I smile, eyes sparkling. "He is still picky about it. But putting wasabi on everything makes it better."

She scoffed. "Heresy."

I nod in agreement. "But he eats it."

"...That's a point, though," he adds. "Who would eat sushi at a wedding?"

"Um, I would!" Ana says.

"You know I would," I answer.

"Yeah, and who else?"

"Genji-kun."

"Well, yeah. That's your brother."

"Pretty sure Winston likes sushi," Ana added. "Lucio might not like it so much."

"Reinhardt does," I said. "But I do not think Lena does."

And then Jesse started to laugh.

I frowned. "What?"

He sighed, beaming. "Absolutely nothing."

"You are the worst," Ana said, throwing a pillow at him. This time it got him in the face, and he sprawled out his arms with a moan.

"I'm dead," he said, muffled.

I sighed. "So soon? Already, I am widowed. And I just saved your butt from Germans."

He snorted. "See, there's another bad joke right there," he said. "Jap saves a Yank from some Krauts. I need a Limey and an Italian."

"What about an Egyptian?"

"Ehh. The muslim thing is too complicated and sensitive right now." He smirked at her. "Also, you're out of pillows."

She giggled. And then she looked at me. "I don't know how you put up with him."

I shook my head. "I do not know either some times."

He took her pillow and tucked it under his head, hoarding three of them to himself now. He smiled at me. "Because I'm adorable. And ruggedly handsome."

"And he has a mouth that gets him in trouble everywhere he goes."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "It gets me _out_  of trouble, too."

My eyes darken. "...That trick does not work on the Reaper, I am sure."

He makes a face, and even Ana makes a gagging sound. "Dear god, no. He's practically my papa. That'd be weird."

I moved a hand where Ana could not see, trailing along his leg. His eyes darken too, and he pulls up his knee.

"You know... You should be worried. About Genji."

"Mm?" He is half-listening to what I'm saying. "What about him?"

"He wants to hurt you for all of this heartache," I say. "And I mentioned that you call me a Crazy Old Jap on occasion. I felt like he was going to punch out the window."

"Which is why I don't say it to _him_ ," he answered, fluttering his eyelashes. His hips move under my fingers. "I don't call Lena a limey, either. Or Winston a monkey-boy. All manner of unkind things I don't say to people because they're unkind. You know that when I say it... It's with love and endearment." He tensed, biting his lip. "Because you are crazy. And you drive me crazy. But it's what I love about you."

I smirked to myself, watching him hug that pillow tighter, and swallow hard. I glance over at Ana, who has a raised eyebrow.

"...I feel like I should leave," she says.

"Up to you," he says. "I don't care if you watch. I don't think he does either or he wouldn't be doin' it. I've seen him behave, and this ain't it."

I squeeze, and he lets out a small sound.

She giggles. "I think I'll pass. Maybe I'll see if that manager is still here I was flirting with..." She gets up, grabs a thing, and wiggles her fingers at us as she slips out.

He looks back up at me with black eyes. "You're very rude, you know that?"

"I am not," I answer. "She had a choice."

He gave a sideways grin. "I still look like shit."

I stroked, and his eyes rolled in the back of his head. "But you do not _feel_  like shit."

He breathed... "Han... You know I'm really hurtin', right?"

I nod. My fingers pry into his pants, and he is already waiting for me. I squeeze him in my hand, properly.

He sighed, visibly melting. "...Be gentle with me. Even if they were amateurs, they roughed me up. My side aches, my arms hurt, my back hurts... Everything is sore." He lets the pain show on his face, and with it, a weariness. "I'm tired as all hell. You know I love ya. You know I wanna please you and make you happy, but remember that I act real tough. I'm still in a lot of pain."

I laugh in my nose. "I know." I press a kiss to his forehead, one of the only places not sore with bruises. His smile softens.

He tucks the pillow under him and shuts his eyes. "So I'm gonna be selfish and sit here and take it for a while. That nonsense earlier was more than I should have done. Not that I didn't enjoy it. But you need to not be tempting me to such things. It's bad for my health."

"Mm-hmm..." I swear I am listening. I just already know everything he is saying, but I am selfish, too, and do not always listen to good sense. I shift on the bed, and I see him peek an eye open at me as I slide between his legs, careful to not lean on a bruise, and I touch my lips to him.

He lets out a soft breath just this side of a groan. "Bad, bad man..."

 _It takes one to know one_. I decide to spell it out with my tongue, so he can know it intimately. I know he wouldn't have me any other way.


End file.
